Choice and Consequences
by JustBiteMePLease
Summary: 17 year old Bella is fascinated by the elusive and mysterious Edward Cullen. Will he be all she dreamed of? Or more than she bargained for? And will she still want him when one night changes everything? A/U Cannon pairings
1. Fascination

_**Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me, Not the other was around. Darn it. Stephenie Meyer, on the other hand, does in fact own Edward Cullen.I'm green with envy.  
**_

_**A/N- This is my first f**__**an fic, and my first attempt at writing anything really. Please be gentle.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to my awesome Beta Lillie Cullen for inspiring me, making my story look pretty, laughing with me, and being an all around cool chick.  
**_

There was something different about Edward Cullen. As I watched him move much too smoothly through the cafeteria and settle at his usual table with his siblings, I wondered to myself how he could be real. He was beautiful, much too beautiful for me to be spending so much time thinking about. But, try as I may, I couldn't get him out of my mind. His god-like beauty was not what made him different, yet it was certainly something to be noted. Which I did quite often. But he was also mysterious, confident and …refined. He was tall, and lean, but well muscled as I often found myself fixated on the contours of his chest, visible through some of his tighter fitting shirts. His messy bronze hair stood in contrast to his very pale skin, and those _eyes_. Edward was fascinating and distinct. Not at all like the other boys buzzing through the hallways. He knew he stood apart from his peers and he paid them no attention, preferring to keep his interactions isolated to his siblings of sorts.

Unfortunately, he also seemed to shy away from female interaction as well. As I learned from Jessica Stanley, Edward had never dated anyone at Forks High, despite some quite forward advances from some of the prettier and definitely more popular girls. Jessica liked to gossip that he was probably gay, but I wasn't convinced as it was also rumored that a few of the boys were turned down as well. No, no one had cracked the enigma of Edward yet, or even been close from the looks of it. He sat comfortably, chatting quietly with his sister Alice. My gaze focused on his full lips, and I couldn't help but wonder how they would feel against my skin, kissing down my neck as my hands tangled in his ruffled bronze hair. His eyes shifted casually, and met mine. My breathing stopped, and I found myself held captive by them, unable to look away, but needing to desperately. He held my gaze for a moment, and then smiled kindly, his eyes gentle. Turning away, he returned his attention to his sister, easily resuming the conversation as if he hadn't just stopped a beating heart. My cheeks were aflame with blush as I quickly averted my gaze to the half eaten pizza in front of me, finding myself no longer hungry. I hoped he wouldn't look my way again, since there was no way I could hide the blush spreading across my cheeks, or the smile I was trying in vain to stifle as I shifted in my seat, keeping my gaze firmly locked on the table. It was absurd that a boy could have this effect on me. A strange boy. A strange and definitely unattainable boy.

"Ready to go?" Mike's voice pulled me back to the real world.

"Oh…yeah…I'm coming," I managed to fumble out as grabbed my tray and stood. Mike lifted my backpack off the ground beside my chair and threw it over his left shoulder, opposite from his own backpack on his right. I glanced once more at Edward's table, but he was already gone.

"Um…thanks Mike." Had I not been distracted, I might have protested. Mike was a sweet boy, and attentive to a fault. His spiky, sandy blond hair and piercing blue eyes made him a natural favorite of the girls. He had asked me out a few times, and I supposed I should be flattered, but managed to find myself making excuses and impromptu alternate plans whenever he would gather the courage to ask. I felt bad about it, a little, but also knew that Jessica carried a flame for him, or more like a torch, and that they would be good together. My repeated rejection hadn't seemed to deter him yet. I wasn't really comfortable with him carrying my backpack, which he did most days as we walked to Biology together, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I let him have his fun. Mike was sweet and attractive but he really wasn't my type. He wasn't Edward Cullen.

Mike and I were one of the last to enter the classroom. We stopped as usual next to his table near the front of the room.

"See you after class," he smiled as he pulled my backpack off his shoulder and handed it to me. I smiled back.

"Mike you really don't need to carry my bag." Maybe he would get the hint. Probably not.

"It's my pleasure" His smile growing wider. He winked. Yeah, definitely not. I managed to suppress the eye roll that was screaming to come out, and hurried to take my seat. My seat next to Edward. Right next to Edward. Edward, my lab partner. Everyday I sat a foot away from him in Biology. He was polite, considerate, and smelled like heaven. And everyday he would smile and greet me, and I would imagine more than courtesy behind that simple smile that nearly stopped my heart, and quite often did stop my breathing. I would love to convince myself that the crooked grin was meant just for me, but I had seen it before, a few times, mostly when he was charming his way out of an assignment, or just being polite and considerate to someone else.

This class was easy since I had studied all of the material at my previous school in Phoenix, and in my 6 weeks here we had not yet covered anything that I didn't know inside and out. It was a good thing too, otherwise I would be failing this class miserably. Focus was a huge issue for me, sitting this close to the only boy I had ever known that could make me feel this way. The only one who could have me, take me, immediately, no questions asked. Right here on the table. Who cares who else is around…let them watch. Even Mike. _Especially_ Mike. Perhaps then he would realize that my affections were already claimed as Edward bent me over the table, roughly pulling my jeans down and-

"Miss Swan?" Mr. Banner looked at me expectantly, knowing that I had no idea what he'd asked. Edward's knee bumped me under the table and his long finger tapped silently on the paper in front of him. I glanced down to see him pointing to a single word on his meticulous page of notes.

"RNA?" I responded and hoped Mr. Banner wouldn't notice that my reply sounded more like a question. He paused, skeptical.

"That is correct". His knowing gaze told me he wasn't fooled.

Once Mr. Banner's attention returned to his lecture, I shot a quick glance toward Edward and mouthed "_thank you"_. He nodded slightly, a smile playing at corner of his lips as he reached across me with his right arm, his pen coming to rest on my blank page of non notes, and began writing. My head swam from the close proximity of his body to mine, and I struggled to resist the urge to lean my head forward and touch my lips to the exposed skin of his forearm. His pen stilled and he slowly pulled his arm back, resuming his note taking. I glanced at my paper, and read, in his elegant scrawl a single word. _Anytime_.

Anytime. Edward had written anytime. Such a simple word, yet it set my body on fire. How about now? Or after class? How about now _and_ after class? Our eyes met again, his deep topaz capturing my chocolate brown, and holding them. His eyes were such a unique color, and the consistency was like liquid. They had a life to them, shifting and swirling like molten lava. Grinning, he broke the gaze, looking down to the table and turning the page of his textbook as the rest of the class did the same. I sat, still staring, attempting to collect myself, and failing miserably. He chuckled lightly as he reached across me again, to turn the page of my textbook. I wondered if he knew how he affected me. His smoldering eyes rose up to meet mine once more, and I realized that yes, he did know. He knew _exactly_ what he did to me.

After what seemed like forever, and like mere seconds, the bell rang, and everyone quickly bounced out of their seat collecting their things while chatting and moving out of the room. I folded the almost blank paper in half, and stuck in into my Biology book marking the chapter for tomorrow, and bent to put the book in my bag.

"Bella?" Edward's long pale fingers came to rest on my back pack before I could finish zipping it, and pulled away once he had my attention. He always had my attention. "You seemed a bit distracted today…." I inwardly cringed "and I noticed that you didn't take any notes…" _Dear God what else did he notice?_ "Would you like to borrow mine to copy?" I didn't need the notes, but I couldn't say no to Edward, no matter the question. I would always say yes to him.

"Um. Sure. Thanks" Did he notice the way my eyes skimmed the length of his perfect arm as he handed the pages to me? I hope not. I hope so. His eyes twinkled thoughtfully as he watched me put the notes away. Someday I would have a conversation with him in which I didn't fumble for words and stutter through incoherent thoughts. Someday, but obviously not today.

"See you tomorrow" he chuckled as he gathered his bag and swept gracefully and gorgeously out of the room. _Wrong_, I thought to myself. I'll see you in my dreams.

***

I flung my backpack onto the small desk in my room, and began pulling out the books I would need. My teachers had been mercifully easy on the homework tonight, which was good since I was anxious to get to dream of pale god-like creatures. As I reached for my trig book, a folded piece of paper sticking out of the biology text caught my eye. _Edward_. I carefully pulled it out, unfolded it, and stared at the single word on the page. _Anytime_. I wondered if he realized the ambiguity of that single, monumental word. I doubt he knew how it made me feel. How it made me ache.

I reached into my bag again,fumbling around until I found my biology folder and pulled out the two papers I had tucked in there earlier. Edward's beautiful, perfect handwriting danced across the detailed pages of notes in an impossible font. My fingers traced the lines of text, desperately and tenderly as if I could feel him through the words. And I almost _could_ feel him. I brought the papers to my face, inhaling his sweet scent which still clung to them. The smell of Edward coursed through my veins, singing to my body in a way only he could. I was overcome. My right hand dropped from the pages, slowly traveling down my body, imagining him touching me. Another deep breath filled me once again with Edward, and the throbbing between my legs became almost painful, my muscles contracting with need and arousal. I needed him to touch me. To be above me. To be inside of me, his intoxicating scent surrounding me completely. My head fell back, as my fingers slipped below the elastic of my panties, and began slowly circling my clit. My breath hitched, and deepened pulling in more of his fragrance as my fingers quickened and my hips arched into my hand. With a gasp and one last flick, I found my release, contracting several times and biting my lip to keep from calling out.

Once my breathing slowed and my body relaxed, I tucked the beautiful, naughty pages back into my folder, smiling to myself. I decided to forget to take notes more often.

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A/N - Reviews are love- and we all need love.


	2. Preparation

**_Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie does._**

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The next morning greeted me with, what a surprise...rain. I wasn't crazy about the soggy weather, but it was better than snow, which we had been blessed with the previous week. I was becoming used to always being slightly damp, as I learned quickly that no one here really took any protective measures from the rain. The Washington natives had a term of endearment for people carrying umbrellas or wearing rain slickers. They called them tourists.

The day passed easily and typically and soon I found myself sitting at lunch at my usual table, with my usual friends, staring at the usual vision of perfection across the room. He sat alone, picking at a muffin with his pale fingers. I wondered briefly where his siblings were. He looked impossibly delicious in a cream colored turtle neck and a pair of loose fitting khakis. His brown leather jacket was slung casually over the back of his chair. I realized that I hardly ever noticed what he was wearing. That would involve looking away from his face which I found incredibly difficult to do.

"Hi guys." My view was abruptly blocked, and my eyes struggled to focus on the tiny, spiky haired girl now standing in front of our table. Alice. Edward's sister Alice. She stood, smiling as usual, clutching a large stack of envelopes. "I'm having a Valentine's Party at my house, hope you guys can come." She passed us each a red envelope made of heavy, high quality paper. This was definitely no invitation purchased in an economy pack in the gift wrap isle of Wal-Mart.

"Thanks," we murmured, as Alice beamed and moved along to the next table. We opened our invitations, all lace and pink and hearts inside; red heart shaped confetti dropping on the table as I opened the card. Alice had obviously put a lot of time and effort into these invitations. I suspected that Alice was the type that never did anything half-way. The party was set for Saturday night, Valentine's Day, only 4 days away. Jessica and Lauren exchanged a loaded glance, smiling and giggling. Sensing my confusion, Angela leaned over to whisper is my ear.

"They like to go to the Cullen Parties. They're hoping that one day the Cullen boys will get drunk and take advantage of them." I almost caught myself before I laughed out loud, quickly disguising my outburst as a cough. "Absurd," she added as she shook her head and smiled again to me slyly.

And it was absurd. Not only were the Cullen's all …so…out of reach, but they were all _taken._ Well almost all taken - by _each other,_ which was a favorite topic of were all adopted or foster kids or something like , Alice and Emmett weren't related, but Rosalie and Jasper Hale were brother and sister, adopted together. Jasper and Alice were a couple, as were Emmett and Rosalie. I really needed a cheat sheet to keep them all straight. Dr. Cullen and his wife were gracious enough to take all these teens in, and rumor had it they were quite young themselves, and also impossibly gorgeous. One thing was for certain...I was dying to go to this party. But also terrified. I couldn't possibly pass up a chance to see where Edward lived, and talk to him in a social setting. At the same time, what would I say? What if I fell and broke something? What if I finally got his attention and I couldn't speak and ended up just staring at him. Like I was right now.

Shifting my attention to Alice, I watched as she flitted gracefully, too gracefully, around the room until everyone held a heavy, pretty red envelope. After making the rounds she returned to her family's table where Edward still sat, staring into space and demolishing the poor, innocent pastry. She sat down across from him, eyes alight with excitement and began chattering. I noticed that she didn't bother with a food tray today, which didn't surprise me since I never actually saw any of them put the food into their mouths. She leaned in close to Edward, locking eyes with his. He nodded, a slow, smile spread across his face. It was almost as if they were having a silent conversation. Her smile turned smug, and her eyebrows rose slightly as she took some obvious satisfaction in his reaction. So quickly that I couldn't be sure I saw it at all, her eyes shifted to me, and darted away. Just then his arm shot across the table coming to rest on her wrist. His smile was gone, replaced with a look of concern. His lips moved quickly, barely. Alice stared off behind Edward for a moment, seeming to fix on a point of the ceiling behind him. I followed her blank gaze, but could find nothing of consequence she could be looking at. After a few seconds her focus returned to her bronze haired brother and she smiled lightly at him. He seemed to relax a bit and released her arm running his hand through his bronze hair and shaking his head slightly.

*****

"Hi Edward." He looked up from his Biology textbook, already open on the lab table in front of him. His lips curled into the smile I had come to expect and adore. The one I would imagine meant _take me now_, but was probably just his run-of-the-mill polite smile.

"Bella," he nodded.

I sat down at the lab table, rummaging through my bag to fish out the notes I…uh…borrowed the day before, inwardly feeling a little giddy and a lot embarrassed about the last time I had laid eyes on these pages.

"Here are your notes. Thanks again." He must have found something in my response amusing because a curious expression crossed his face, head tilting slightly to the side as he took the pages from my hand.

"Of course," he replied, "I hope you found them…useful." I nodded, unable to trust my voice. I kept my gaze firmly fixed forward but watched as he moved the pages across the table toward his notebook, and then , slowly, almost discreetly raised them slightly toward his face and - _oh my god did he just …sniff?! _Blood flooded my cheeks and I strongly considered running from the room. I felt his eyes burning into me. Gathering my courage, I turned my head to the side to find him indeed staring and smirking, eyes smoldering with mischief and curiosity. He couldn't possibly be thinking what I deeply feared he knew. How could he have known? And if he did know, he certainly didn't seem upset. He continued to regard me with this look that, had I been standing, would have brought me to my knees. I smiled meekly desperate to break free from this awkward yet incredibly arousing moment.

I was too busy being horrified to notice Mike approach our table. "So Cullen…your sister is having another party eh?" Mike sat himself casually on the edge of the table.

"It would appear so." Edward replied, reluctantly breaking our gaze as he turned toward Mike. Perhaps only I could sense the annoyance in his tone. Mike either didn't notice the annoyance, or didn't care because he persisted without missing a beat, turning his attention to me.

"You're going right?" I felt Edward stiffen next to me, and could have sworn he stopped breathing.

"Um...yeah, I think so," _wouldn't miss it for the world_. "I'll have to check with Charlie first."

Mike fidgeted a little and my stomach sank in anticipation of where I suddenly realized this conversation was going. His fingers tapped randomly on the table top, his eyes down for a few seconds before he finally spoke again.

"Do you want to maybe…go together?" Edward had not yet moved a muscle. I joined him frozen in panic. "I've been to a few parties at the Cullen place, I know how to find it. It's a bit tricky to get to. I could give you a ride."

"Oh…" I would have to do better than that. "Actually Mike, I already told Angela that we would ride together." Angela's head lifted, and she turned from her seat directly in front of us, smiling knowingly in my direction.

"Mike…don't be trying to steal my date! Besides, I happen to know that Jessica has serious Valentine eyes for you. You should totally ask her to go with you." God I loved that girl. Angela Webber, my savior.

"Oh…ok," he replied. "But I'll see you there right?"

"Sure."

Mr. Banner called our attention to the front, and Mike returned to seat. Angela stole a quick glance over her shoulder winking at me as I mouthed _I love you_.

The rest of the week passed quickly and uneventfully and everyone was buzzing with excitement over the Cullen party. Apparently, the Cullen's had a huge, beautiful home and the parties were always quite the event with music, dancing and elaborate decorations. I spent the week wondering if Edward would be there and trying to decide what to wear. I felt like such a girlie girl. If only I had something to go on when trying to figure out what would catch the eye of the mysterious Edward Cullen. Does he like sweet girls? If so, I had the perfect skirt and sweater ensemble I could wear. Or…does he like sexy women? I hoped for this option since I wanted nothing more than for him to ravish me. I finally gave up trying to figure it out since it really was ridiculous of me to assume that I would be able to catch his eye, regardless of my attire. Or lack thereof. All I would accomplish with skimpy clothing is more attention from Mike Newton, which was exactly what I didn't want. Adding to my frustration, the Cullen's were absent from school the rest of the week. All of them. Angela had said that they like to go hiking and camping when the weather was nice, but I was hoping Edward would be back before the weekend. The shining sun did little to console my sour mood.

Angela and I decided to spend the whole day together Saturday getting ready for the party. Since neither of us had a proper Valentine, we opted to spend the day pampering ourselves, and enjoying some girl time. Angela came over early and we took turns doing each other's hair and make-up and going through countless outfits trying to decide what to wear. I finally decided on a silky blue blouse and a pair of casual jeans. Of course, we also talked about boys. Angela was the only one who knew of my obsession with Edward. And in turn, I was the only one who knew that her sun rose and set with Ben Chenney. Angela insisted we wear lacy underwear, proclaiming it a good luck charm. I couldn't argue with her logic, as I needed all the luck I could get. Normally, I wouldn't be bothered with the female beauty rituals, but it gave Angela great pleasure to primp and fuss and really, I felt like I owed her one for the Mike save. Besides, it was nice to have someone to talk to and keep my mind busy so I didn't work myself up over seeing Edward, in a social setting, in his _house. _Angela must have sensed my panic because she placed a calming hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"Relax Bella, it will be fine," she assured me.

"I _am_ going to talk to him. I have no idea what to say."

" Hmmmm…" She mused. "Ask him about the house, I bet it has an interesting architectural history or something. It is absolutely breathtaking." I grumbled. "Ok….then tell him you want him to take you upstairs immediately and make love to you until you can't walk straight."

My eyes popped open and my mouth dropped as I grabbed the nearest pillow on the bed and smacked her with it. We both collapsed in a fit of giggles at the sheer absurdity and utter honesty of that suggestion.

We arrived at the party to find most of the school already there. Angela was right about the Cullen parties being popular. I was hard pressed to find someone from school who _wasn't_ there. The house was spectacular, huge, and modern. The inside looked like a night club with a dance floor, full compliment of refreshments, and thumping music. Edward's brother Jasper met us at the door, taking our jackets. As I shrugged out of my coat, and scanned the room for Edward as I handed it to Jasper.

"You're Bella right?" Jasper asked, his voice gentle, but confident with a hint of Southern drawl.

I turned to answer him, but was suddenly startled by his eyes. They were the exact same golden shade as Edward's. I stared for a moment, transfixed not only by his eyes, but his beauty. He was tall, well over 6 foot with honey blond hair and an easy smile. I'd never seen any of the Cullen boys up close, aside from Edward and wondered if they were all so…captivating. He spoke again, breaking my trance.

"I'm Jasper. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, darlin'" A perfect gentleman. I smiled and blushed at the sentiment.

"Hi Jasper." I should have said more, but I was still staring into his eyes and struggling with actual thought.

"You're Edward's lab partner, right?" My pulse quickened at the mention of his name.

"Yeah." Again, I should have said more, but first the eyes, then the Edward. My brain was mush.

"Well, I hope you're keeping him in line." His eyes twinkled playfully "He can be a handful._" I'd love for him to be a handful_, I thought. Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly, his lips spreading into a knowing smile, as if something had just occurred to him.

"Enjoy the party ladies" he eyes scanned the crowd again quickly, looking for Edward. By the time I turned again Jasper was gone.

We moved through the crowd saying hello, and settling with a group of our usual friends on an oversized sofa near the drinks. I noticed Angela's eyes scanning the crowd and saw the excitement cross her face as she spotted Ben, sitting alone across the room.

"Go talk to him" I prompted, nudging her side. She sighed, looking conflicted. Instincts told me that I would only need to push a little harder.

"What about you. Where's Edward?" She whispered our heads close together.

"I haven't seen him." We both scanned the crowd of familiar faces, not finding him.

"Do you want me to go ask Alice if he's here?" She knew I was too shy to ask about Edward myself.

"You're awesome you know?" Have I ever mentioned that I love this girl?

"I know," she grinned smugly, and made her way into the crowd.

I finally spotted her coming towards me a few minutes later, and I searched her expression desperately for a clue as she approached. Her poker face gave nothing away. She sighed as she leaned toward me.

"Sorry Bella, he isn't here." Her eyes were gentle, she shared my disappointment.

"Alice said that he had somewhere to go." She patted my hand consolingly.

"Maybe he'll come later?" I wondered a loud. He did live here after all, he would have to come home sometime.

"I don't know…it didn't sound like it." She was trying to make me feel better. Bless her. Her consoling hand wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into her side.

"Stupid boys," she muttered, and we both chuckled.

I took a deep breath, pulling myself together for the sake of my incredible and selfless friend.

"They aren't all stupid," I motioned toward Ben. "Go get'em, Tiger."

"What about you?"

"I'll go mingle, maybe look around a bit. We'll catch up later. Go! At least one of us is going to get the guy tonight!" She squeezed me tightly for a moment before smoothing her dress and fluffing her hair.

"Do I look ok?" Silly girl, she looked phenomenal.

"Fine! Now quit stalling and GO!" She giggled, turned on her heel and headed toward the shy boy still sitting quietly across the room. I watched as she approached him. His eyes lit up, and he smiled widely. Oh yeah, he liked Angela. I could tell from here. They fell into an easy conversation, and I could soon see that she would be there for a while. She waved to me from across the room, and I gave a thumbs up. I couldn't help but smile for my dear friend. This would indeed be a good night for her. I, other the other hand wondered if I could find some booze to ease my suffering. I mingled through the crowd a bit, but found the loud music and jovial atmosphere irritating. I needed an escape.

"Hey Alice!" I called. She spun toward me quickly, a knowing smile lit her face. Weird. "Uh…where's the restroom?"

"Oh hi Bella, enjoying the party?" She moved closer to me, still smiling demurely, and took my hand leading me toward the stairs. Her hand was cold and firm, but so smooth. She had to have noticed my distraction by her touch but didn't pull away.

"Yeah...you have a beautiful home," I managed while still staring, fascinated by her grip.

"Thanks." She led me to the top of the stairs and down a short hallway stopping next to another staircase leading upwards. "The main bathroom is right there," she motioned to a closed door, "but it's occupied, so just go ahead up to the one on the third floor. It's nicer anyway, and it's quieter up there." Quiet? I was sold.

It was a gorgeous bathroom, by bathroom standards - immaculate, classy. It reminded me of an expensive spa with the elegant tiles, plush carpeting and large soaking tub. I took my time exploring the room that was easily twice the size of my bedroom, lazily running my fingers along the smooth marble counter top. My mind wandered, and I found myself distracted by images of Edward. Imagining him here, running his fingers through his hair in front of this mirror, soaking in this tub, or better yet lathering up in the large, glass shower. Arousal tingled through me, centering between my legs. My body ached for him, and frustration bubbled at his absence. How could he not come to a party at his own house? Why would he choose this party to miss? What errand was so important on a Saturday night? Valentine's Night. Oh. Realization hit me like truck. My breath caught and my heart sank as my mind mulled over the obvious answer. He had a date. Maybe a girlfriend. Someone special. Just because none of the girls at school had caught his attention didn't mean that _no one_ had. I felt silly, and sad, and lost. Then I felt silly and sad and lost over feeling that way.

I collected myself determined not to let this ruin my night. Angela was downstairs, enjoying Ben's company, and I was happy for her. At least one of us was having a productive evening. I finished my business quickly, washed my hands, and dried them on the plush towel hanging by the sink. I checked myself in the mirror, fluffing my hair a few times. Content with my completely unnecessary appearance, I quietly slid out of the bathroom, turning off the light.

I was immediately surprised by the darkness of the hallway. It _was _in fact rather quiet here. I could hardly hear the thump of the bass from the first floor, and only occasional, loud voices broke through the peace. It was a small hallway, with only a three doors, the bathroom behind me and two more. The door at the end of the hallway stood open, the room illuminated by a gentle light I couldn't distinguish. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out shapes through the open door. A wall of …books maybe…and a large flat screen television on the wall. I figured it was some sort of office or study, then a familiar sight caught my attention. Draped over the arm of what must have been a sofa was a brown leather jacket. Edward's brown leather jacket. I froze, my heart beat quickening and without thinking my feet began to move toward the familiar object, in the unfamiliar room.

I knew it must be Edward's room, and I couldn't help but take a look. Just a quick peek. It was quiet enough that surely I would hear someone coming up the stairs and could just pretend to be lost. Not stalking, just lost. I paused at the door, hesitant, my eyes scanning the large room. It was meticulous, just like the bathroom, clean, organized and immensely beautiful. The light filling the room was moonlight, as the entire south wall was made of glass and held a breathtaking view of the forest and river below. The sky was perfectly clear tonight, the moon full. My fingers trailed across the jacket that was draped over the arm of a large, leather sofa. There was a massive bed in the center if the room which was perfectly made, reminding me of a bed in a model home. I had a hard time imagining Edward, or anyone for that matter, making the bed to that level of perfection every morning. I moved across the room, stopping just inches from the glass wall, completely mesmerized by the view before me, committing it to memory. Edward saw this majestic sight every night, and when I closed my eyes at night, I wanted to see it too.

I was so completely at peace here, in this moment, basking in the moonlight and surrounded by Edward's scent and belongings, that I barely heard the sound of the door closing from the across the room, and the click of the lock turning into place.

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A/N - Reviews are love- and we all need love


	3. Possesion

_**A/N - This chapter earns the M rating. You've been warned. Or promised, depending on your outlook.  
**_

_**Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me, not the other w**__**ay around. Stephenie Meyer however, does if fact own Edward.**_

I froze, listening, but heard nothing. The seconds ticked by as I stood, rooted to the spot waiting. Finally, a velvet, familiar voice broke the silence.

"Come here often?" he chuckled.

I spun around, eyes wide, breathing stilled. Then my heart melted at the sight before me.

Edward stood, leaning against the closed door. He was dressed casually in a light colored t-shirt and faded jeans. His feet were bare. Definitely not date attire, but perfect regardless. He smiled playfully as he pushed off from the door and took a few steps toward me.

"Edward….I …Uh…was looking for the bathroom and saw the moonlight…and…" Suddenly, impossibly, he was right in front of me having crossed the room before I could blink. His long finger came to rest against my lips.

"Shhhhh," he lowered his hand. "It's alright love. I knew you'd come."

He what? Knew I'd come? Love? My head spun with a million questions, but as I saw the way the soft light danced in his liquid eyes, I was transfixed, intoxicated. I struggled for words.

"I… thought you weren't here. Alice said you were out." I stammered.

He sighed, carefully formulating his response. "I had something to take care of, so …I could….be here." My mind was hazy, but didn't miss his emphasis on the lat word.

I gathered my courage. "I'm glad you're…._here_" I admitted .His perfect brow furrowed, he looked apprehensive.

"I'm different Bella," he pleaded. "I'm not like you"

"I know" I whispered, willing him to hear the acceptance in my voice. His eyes narrowed, studying my face. Then he sighed deeply and grabbed the hem of his shirt. He paused for a moment, and then pulled it up over his head. In one fluid motion, it fell to the floor beside him.

He was breathtaking. The muscled planes of his chest were lean, chiseled and flowed flawlessly into the tight lines of his abdomen. The moon streaming through the windows illuminated his skin, casting a glow that was otherworldly. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I couldn't pull my eyes off of him. He stood there, several feet from me, arms to his side, eyes down, and head bowed serenely, submissively.

"Touch me Bella," he breathed, his face almost pained. "I want you to touch me, you need to understand." My heart beat wildly in my chest, my breathing ragged. I wanted nothing more in the world. I leaned toward him, as there was nothing that could keep me from moving towards him. I reached my right hand out, stopping just inches from his chest as he finally raised his head and met my gaze. I froze, captive by the swirling golden liquid. I had never seen his eyes look so alive.

"Please," he whispered, and very slowly reached his left hand toward my outstretched fingers, wrapping his long fingers around mine and closing the distance placing my hand on the right side of his chest.

I gasped softly, in surprise but my fingers splayed on his skin and began moving over the contours of his chest. He was so cold, and hard as marble. It was strange and amazing and I couldn't get enough. I had to be closer. I stepped toward him, our bodies now inches apart, as my hands, both now, began slowly exploring his exposed skin. His eyes closed, and he moaned softly leaning his head into my hand when it skimmed along his cheekbone. He seemed so vulnerable, his carefully constructed façade open wide exposing the boy behind the mask who, in that moment was just as unsure as I was. As I had been. His eyes opened and were cooler, calmer now. Smiling slightly, he gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush against his body. His right hand skimmed upward along my back, coming up to touch my hair and face. He traced a single finger along my cheek, down my jaw and stopping at my chin. With gentle pressure he tilted my chin up, gazing deeply into my eyes, searching for something. Searching for my acceptance.

"I _am_ different Bella…but I can't stay away from you." His eyes begged me to understand. All I could think about were his lips, moving just a few inches from mine, his cool breath fanning across my face. I always knew Edward was different, and in this moment I didn't care. I would never care. His sincerity rang true in every word he spoke, and his eyes held the answers I sought.

"So don't," I replied, hardly more than a whisper. My body was burning with desire and his scent surrounded me, washing over me more with each word he spoke. He smiled gently, closed his eyes and tenderly touched his lips to mine, pulling back after a very short moment searching my eyes again. That short kiss ignited the fire in me, and the pent up flame flowed freely through my veins. I roughly pulled his lips back to mine, kissing him with all the passion I held for him. He moaned against me, responding by pulling me even tighter against his stone body. My hands fisted in his hair, pulling him closer, desperate with passion and need. His lips broke away from mine to hungrily travel down my neck, and across my collarbone. Abruptly, he pulled away taking my face in both of his large hands, his eyes fixed on mine were black now, and wild with desire.

"God Bella, I want you." His voice was thick with need.

The nights I spent dreaming of those words coming from Edward were nothing compared to actually hearing them from his lips. My hands slid down the icy expanse of his shoulders, where I bravely dipped a single finger into the waistband of his jeans.

"I'm yours," I breathed. And I meant it.

He growled softly, capturing my lips with his, and suddenly we were moving. It felt like flying, and when the motion stopped we were on the large bed, me on my back, and Edward hovering over me, kissing his way across the exposed skin of my chest. One hand supported his weight above me while the other moved down the side of my body. I gasped as I felt his icy fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, inching their way upwards. His knees gently separated my legs as he settled himself between them. I could feel his length, hard and hungry pressed against me. His fingers reached the edge of my bra and glided to the center, releasing the clasp with a soft snap. He slowly pushed the fabric aside, skimming the peak of my nipple. I moaned and arched against his hand. He chuckled lightly into my skin, his lips now working their way toward my ear.

"I love the way you respond to me, Isabella…I wonder…" he trailed off and I could feel him grinning against my neck. " Do you like this?" His fingers circled my taut nipple as he ground his hips into me, rubbing the length of his arousal against my throbbing center. It was too much, but not nearly enough. It was exactly what I wanted, and more than I could have ever hoped for. I cried out his name, the only word that mattered. His answering groan thrilled me as his lips crashed into mine, parting slightly, as he lightly touched his tongue to my lips. I opened to him, inviting him to deepen the kiss. His taste was amazing, sweet and cool, and I moaned into his mouth. He rolled then, pulling me on top of him, quickly tugging at the hem of my shirt, and pulling it over my head. I sat up, my legs straddling him, still firmly pressed against his throbbing erection and slid my open bra from my shoulders. He held me there, hands resting on my hips, raking his eyes over my exposed flesh.

"Exquisite," he whispered.

A sexy smile spread across my face. I wanted to own him. I wanted him to own me. I ground my hips against him roughly, making my case. His head snapped back as a quiet hiss escaped his lips. His hips rose to meet mine, finding a rhythm. Moving across my stomach, his hands found the button of my jeans, and slid the zipper down. His eyes widened at the sight of the red lace underwear I was so glad I had decided to wear.

"Ah Bella," he purred grabbing me by the waist and flipping me over so he was once again above me. His lips found mine again, kissing me roughly, caressing my tongue with his. My hands frantically trailed down his back, slid between us and found the button of his jeans. As I fumbled to free him from the heavy denim his hands joined mine releasing the button and zipper with ease. Without breaking the kiss, he managed to remove the jeans completely, once again settling between my legs. His hands found the top of my jeans, and pulled them down roughly, breaking our kiss to lift my hips and guide them down my legs. The sight of the red lace panties stopped him, for just a moment as he took in my nearly naked form. My eyes devoured his perfect body, as he stood at the end of the bed, the thin black boxers leaving very little to the imagination. His erection strained against and stretched the material. I wanted to touch him, to taste him, in every way. But before I could reach out for him, his lips were on me again, kissing a trail up my legs as his hands kneaded my flesh. His mouth moved eagerly up my body, and hovered just above my breast. I moaned loudly as he took my nipple into his cold mouth, circling his tongue around the soft peak. His hand came up to circle and pull at the other nipple, increasing the sensations immensely. His cock was pressed against my core, and I ground into him desperately seeking the friction my body ached for.

"I need you inside me. Please Edward." I mewled weakly as our hips moved together. His breath hitched and he pressed harder, almost painfully against me. Raising his head from my nipple, and looking through his long lashes, he smiled.

"Not yet love," he whispered. His body rolled to the side, coming to rest next to me- his hand moving down my stomach and trailing slowly back and forth along the elastic of my panties. "I need to taste you," and with a flick of his fingers, the lacy red material lay in his hand, in pieces. I stared, bewildered at the scraps of red.

Edward chuckled lightly at my amusement, his hand sliding down towards my folds. He touched me, and I was lost. His cold fingers felt incredible against my clit as he circled gently. Too gently. I moaned and bucked against his hand desperate to increase the pressure. He nuzzled my hair laying tender kisses against my neck before stopping at my ear. His tongue flicked lightly around the edge as I continued to thrash and buck into his hand. His voice was low and husky, yet playful "Now, now, Bella be a good girl and let me have my fun. I've waited a long time for you. A very long time."

He pulled back, stilling his fingers for a moment and kissing me quickly on the lips before moving down and settling between my legs. He inhaled deeply, lowered his head and slowly dragged his tongue up the length of my folds. Pleasure flooded through me. My head thrashed and my sounds filled the room. Edward moaned against my clit, pulling it into his cool mouth and sucking harder.

"Fuck…you taste incredible," he mumbled around my flesh. His rough sentiment spurred my arousal, making me frantic. My hands shot to the back of his head, tangled in his hair pulling him closer to me. His tongue continued circling my clit, leaving it only to run down my folds and dip into my wetness. I felt his cool fingers at my entrance and I raised my hips, inviting him, begging him.

"Please." I moaned. Edward responded eagerly, growling roughly against my clit as he slid two fingers into me. I gasped from the sensation. It hurt and his fingers stilled for a moment, his tongue still lapping against my clit. Sensing my discomfort, he pulled his fingers out until just the tips stayed inside, and curled them up hitting the most delicious spot. He continued to play my body with his strong tongue and sure fingers until I my muscles clamped around his hand, and I was swept away in my orgasm. My breathing slowed as did his tongue and I felt his finger slip out. He crawled back up my body, laying gentle kisses in a burning trail as he went. Settling next to me, he brought his hand, still wet with my arousal up between us, I watched as he sucked the fingers into his mouth, licking around them, eyes closed.

"Mmmm." The sight of his tongue moving just inches from my face was too much. My core throbbed, alive with a new wave of arousal and I pulled his mouth and hand to mine, both of our mouths moving in time around his pale fingers, licking and sucking together. The taste of my fluids mixed with his sweet skin was intoxicating. A rough groan escaped his lips and he pressed his length against my hip. Feeling the cold against my heated skin, I realized that his boxers were gone and there was no longer fabric separating our bodies. I gasped, pulling back and pushing gently on his chest to put some space between us. I had to see him. I gazed as his cock, it was glorious-long and thick, and hard, rising at a perfect angle from his bronze curls. Seeing him wasn't enough. My hand slid between our bodies and grasped his length, both of us moaning in unison as my fingers closed around the girth. His fingers tangled into my hair pulling my lips back to his. This kiss was hungry, lustful. His hips thrust roughly into my hand as his moans turned to whimpers, fueling my need.

My arousal scented to air. I could barely hear the music of the party downstairs, and my thoughts had not drifted back to our friends and family just a few floors below. Nothing existed in this space and time but Edward, and me. I was well aware that Edward was indeed different and quite different than I had originally guessed, but to me, he felt like heaven, like home. And I needed to be closer. As if reading my thoughts, Edward moved above me, once again settling between my legs. His arousal pressed gently at my entrance. Our lips parted, eyes opened. His dark eyes held mine as he slipped just the tip of his length into me. I gasped gently at the size. He held there, his eyes studying my face, his hand brushing against my hair.

"This is your first time." He crooned softly. It wasn't a question.

I nodded slightly, biting my lip and silently begging him to continue. A smile of smug satisfaction crept across his face, then his hips bucked, roughly thrusting into me in one stroke. I cried out, clutching his shoulders, the pain intense, the pleasure unbearable. I wanted him to stop, I needed him even deeper. He lay still over me, as I worked to breathe evenly and adjust to the intrusion. His breath was ragged, coming out in pants. A deep rumbling vibrated against my chest, coming from somewhere inside him.

"Bella," he begged softly "I can't stop." I couldn't have asked him to stop. I needed him inside me, above me, surrounding me like I needed air to breath. Losing this now would break me.

"Don't stop Edward," I pleaded roughly, wrapping my legs around his and pulling myself closer. "Please, take me." He cried out sharply, grinding his hips downward further, pushing even deeper into me and then stilled again. His face dipped to lay hungry, lingering kisses on my neck. I moaned squirming underneath him. Suddenly, he stiffened, lips hovering just centimeters above my neck, and became very still. I could feel his cool breath against my skin coming in pants. Then the breaths stopped. I instinctually froze, my mind struggling to make sense of his actions. After a moment, he relaxed, lifting his head and meeting my gaze, his expression guarded.

Slowly his hips began to move, gently sliding in and out. The sensation was consuming, the pain subsiding. My hips rose to meet his with each of his movements. His arm slid around my hips, grabbing my ass, pulling me up off the bed and closer to him, his other hand still cupped tenderly against my face. He thrust harder, deeper, rocking the bed frame, and pushing my body into the plush mattress with each motion. Each movement of his hips punctuated with a primal groan-like growl that thundered through me. It was too much. It was not enough; I needed to be closer still. My arms tightened around his back, clawing and grasping at his stone-firm muscles. I could feel them moving beneath my hand, yet they would not yield to my touch. The heat was rising in my core, bringing me closer to release again. I whimpered and mewled against him.

"That's it love, come for me." He breathed against my neck, low, commanding, pleading. My muscles tightened like a vice around his length, and stars exploded behind my closed eyes. His name burst from my lips, yet again, as the waves of pleasure washed over me. Edward's pace became frantic, primal as he reached both arms above my head, gripping the metal bed frame roughly. The wrought iron gave way to his hands clenched in fists around it, screeching as it bent. The force of his body knocked the air out of my lungs with each thrust .I opened my eyes, knowing he must be close and needing desperately to witness Edward's release. His head flew back, eyes closed. A piercing roar filled the room as I felt him grow and twitch inside of me, spilling himself. His jaw clenched, neck muscles straining, hands still fisted tightly around the bent iron bed frame. He was spectacular. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I watched him slowly relax, his panting breaths slowed and his eyes opened. They were still black fire. Fierce, Amazing.

"Bella," he breathed, lowering his head to touch his lips to mine. "I want to be with you. I love you."

My heart soared, and my mind raced trying to wrap around the words he had spoken. Could this impossibly beautiful man truly love me? Could I love him? I thought quickly of the way love was supposed to work. It would build slowly, over time. We should discover each other, learning and growing together. That's how it _should_ work. But Edward was different. In all ways. Loving Edward was different. I was drawn to him with a force bigger than myself, beyond my experiences. In his arms I felt whole, complete. I knew it was where I belonged.

"I love you too." I told him, because it was true.

"Forever?" he pleaded.

"Forever," I agreed, sure of myself despite everything. His lips crashed into mine again, but this kiss wasn't gentle or sweet. It was desperate, passionate and full of his promise. He rolled himself on top of me as we kissed, and I was once again consumed with our bodies, pressed together so deliciously. When I finally had to break away, gasping for breath, his lips moved hungrily down my neck, kissing, sucking, his tongue swirling across my heated flesh. My body writhed against his. Gently, his cold hands closed around my wrists, raising them above my head and holding them securely. I was his. I would always be his. I wanted him to have me, to take me again.

"Edward," my voice ached with need. His lips pressed gently against the side of my neck placing a chaste kiss before he responded.

"Always, my love," he murmured and pressed his teeth into my flesh.

**EPOV**

I felt alive. Truly alive for the first time in 80 yrs as my teeth slipped through her soft skin. Her taste was divine, and I allowed myself to drink for a moment. Just for a moment. To take her in. The rich, sweet blood gave the perfect compliment to the scent of her arousal. Just as I knew it would. She was perfect. She was mine. I was lost in her. She squirmed below me, confused, but…not afraid. Ah, my sweet, trusting angel. Sent for me. To save me.

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_** A/N -Reviews and love...and we all need love.**_


	4. Reflection

**_Disclaimer: I still don't own Edward Cullen, he still completely owns me. Edward and the rest of the characters are officially owned by Stephenie Meyer._**

_**A/N - This chapter is dedicated to Lea, my biggest fan. Thanks for the laughs, the support, and of course the little blue/purple boxes of love.** **Love ya hard bb.**_

**_And a big thanks to my beta Lillie Cullen!_** _**Her newest story, Redemption is made of win!**_ _**Well, all of her stuff is made of win, but this one is unique and extra awesome!**_

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_**EPOV**_

I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room and watched my angel sleep.

She sighed. So sweet.

My Bella was perfect and so peaceful. I relished the peace that I found near Bella, as I was unable to hear her mind. The only one I couldn't. It both delighted and frustrated me.

She turned to her side, and her brown hair dragged across the pillow behind her head. How I wished I could touch her. I did once, but she almost woke, probably startled by the cold. Since then I have stayed in the chair watching, every night. Sometimes I would sit by the bed, when she was very deeply asleep, breathing in her delectable scent. Her blood was sweet, sweeter than most and set my throat aflame. If she were any other human, I would be tempted to feed from her, drain her life. But I could not hurt Bella. My Bella.

I would always love her, protect her. I was sure she felt the same. Her cheeks would flush crimson when our eyes met, and her heart always beat faster when we were near to each other. Yes, she felt it too. And Alice saw it happening. She knew we would be together, and Alice was usually right.

She shifted again, rolling to her other side, facing me. The blanket slipped off her shoulders and pooled around her waist. Her breasts were supple and I could see the outline of her nipple through the thin fabric. I imagined my hands rolling over those nipples, and pictured her reactions to me. Her warmth and softness wrapped in my arms: pressing against me. My body responded, and I was instantly erect causing me to shift slightly, into a more comfortable position. It had been a while since I had indulged in physical pleasures; at least any that involved another participant. I was fluent in the art of self pleasure though, as was Bella I had noticed.

Tonight, for instance, when I slipped into the window I noticed at once. The scent of arousal was heavy in the room. Human arousal. Bella's arousal. She had pleasured herself no doubt, perhaps more than once. I imagined her body, writhing in pleasure, back arched, muscles flexed as she came. The image made my cock twitch. I wanted her. And I could have her. I would have her. She would let me take her.

How did she touch herself? Did she think of me? I remembered how she looked at me in class when I had reached across her and written on her blank paper. Her head inclined slightly toward my arm as if she was somehow drawn to it. She didn't take any notes today, so I offered her mine to copy; I knew she didn't need them, but having her touch those pages would leave her scent, which I love to carry with me.

She sighed softly "Edward."

Ahh…perfect. I loved the nights when she would say my name. I was in her thoughts too. Some nights she would moan and call to me, lost in pleasurable dreams. I struggled with keeping my distance on those nights. I ached to give Bella pleasure, and to receive pleasure from her. I would have to be careful though. Intimacy between humans and vampires was risky, and the one time I had enjoyed that particular indulgence, the girl was hurt. Not killed, but hurt. No one was happy when we had to move abruptly. I would be more careful with Bella. I would never hurt her. I would always cherish her. My treasure.

I'll never forget her first day, not that I could, as vampires have excellent memories. Thoughts of her face were rampant in the minds of the humans that day. Through them I learned how she looked, the way her voice sounded and noticed the fact that she was rather uncoordinated, even for a human. I really paid very little attention as I tried to avoid the humans as much as possible, and they seemed to share my aversion. But still…there was something unique about the girl, and I found myself watching more as the day progressed. I was already seated at my usual table when she entered the lunchroom on that first day chatting with Mike Newton. Ah…Mike Newton. He was a simple boy with the usual simple boy thoughts, except when it came to human females. His sexual fantasies could make me blush-if that were possible- and having been in the minds of countless men, I have seen just about everything. Rarely had I found someone quite as…creative as Newton. The day before there had been a particularly disturbing thought involving a clown suit and a circus dog. My body tensed.

_I bet the guys in Phoenix are hotter …I wonder if she likes me…Oh, there's Jessica, shit...I never called her after last weekend…._

His thoughts were harmless, at the moment, but I still felt troubled by his proximity to Bella. I'd be damned if she was going to end up in a clown suit. Of course, I was damned anyway, but I was taking no chances with Bella. I felt a compelling urge to protect this clumsy, beautiful girl who I had yet to even speak to. I was shaken by my interest in her. It was a foreign; I had never felt this protective urge before toward anyone except my family.

I wanted to hear her thoughts and listened intently as she passed. Nothing. Certainly she must think, I tried again. Nothing still. Peculiar. I was even further intrigued by this beautiful and mysterious creature. Transfixed, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. As she walked through the line, Mike Newton put a hand to the small of her back, guiding her along. My anger surged, and I was about to stand when I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder.

_What the hell? _Jasper asked me silently.

Oh, the trials of living in a house full of talented vampires, there were no secrets. Jasper had obviously felt my sudden mood shift and was concerned. I let my emotions calm, and very discreetly shook my head. It might have worked if I had not been betrayed by my eyes which instinctively shot back to Bella, for only a fraction of a second really, but it was long enough.

_It's the girl. _Jasper missed nothing.

"Don't be ridiculous," I muttered aloud, and instantly regretted my outburst. But he was right of course, it was the girl.

This caught Alice's attention. Whipping her head around to look at me, her eyes narrowed, fixing on me for a second before they went blank. I knew that stare. Alice's visions were accurate and annoying. They were certainly convenient at times, but when circumstances were… uncertain, the rapidly changing images would send my mind reeling. I saw flickers of Bella and I in her mind, but they moved too fast to discern. The only one that lingered for a fraction of a second long enough to focus on made my dead heart soar: Bella and I running together; ghosting through the trees and laughing. She was a vampire, and she was _happy_. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. I was changed forever in that moment and for the first time in 80 years, I felt hope

The party was Alice's idea, her plan. A party on Valentine's Day; a day devoted to celebrating love - how appropriate. The decision to invite the humans to a party at our house provided the best outcome for Bella and myself according to Alice's visions. She assured me I would be quite pleased with the results, and even purchased a luxurious king sized bed for my room. I could imagine what that was for. I could _only_ imagine though, since Alice was carefully keeping her visions of Bella and I obscure, denying me access to my own future. But I certainly took it as a positive sign and planned to hunt that night, just in case. So, I agreed to the plan and tomorrow at lunch Bella would hold an envelope in her hands inviting her to the party. But, really, it was inviting her to much more than that. I would talk to her, _really_ talk to her. Be honest, bare myself to her. I wanted her to love me, to share my life. I would be patient, and hopefully in time, she would accept my truths and love me despite them. And I hoped she would someday choose to join me completely, though I would understand if she wouldn't. Our means of existence was a sacrifice, a curse. I couldn't blame her for avoiding that fate. My frozen heart ached at the threat of rejection. I couldn't imagine spending my eternity without her by my side.

I'd waited 80 years to find someone who sang to me the way Bella did, and I simply wouldn't exist anymore without her.

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A/N - As always , reviews are love ! I love hearing from you guys, so click the little box and let me know what you think!


	5. Transition

**_Disclaimer_: Edward's not mine. Boo hoo.**

**_Previously: _**

_"Edward," my voice ached with need. His lips pressed gently against the side of my neck placing a chaste kiss before he responded._

_"Always, my love," he murmured and pressed his teeth into my flesh._

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**BPOV**

A searing fire ripped through my neck and I smelled blood. My own? What was happening? The pain was intense and my eyes flew open in surprise. My vision was blurred, distorted. I felt something brushing against my cheek...soft...hair perhaps. My eyes focused briefly on tufts of bronze hair. Edward. Oh my god Edward! What was he doing? It hurt. The fire burned hotter, spreading now. Why wasn't he helping me? Stopping the fire? His head lifted, his lips were red. Dripping. My blood. It was my blood on his lips. What was he doing? The burning grew, spreading. I cried out, sobbing, pleading for him to help me.

"Edward…help me…it hurts. It burns!!"

His face was close to mine then. He kissed me. I pushed him away.

"What did you do!? What's happening!?"

"Shhhh…I know it hurts, but it will be over soon and we will be together."

Just then I heard the door fly open and a high soprano voice rang through the room.

"Edward!!! What have you done???" Alice flew to my side. She placed her cool hands on my shoulders, restraining me as I thrashed, trying to roll to extinguish the flames.

"Put these on her Alice." Edward ordered and I felt fabric being pulled over my body.

Another voice now, familiar.

"Carlisle is on his way." Jasper's voice rang with authority. "Edward, we're going to need to move her. This can't happen here. Not now."

Edward crouched over my body, protectively and growled, "It has to happen here!"

Why was no one helping me? The burning was consuming now, and I could no longer form words. I could only cry out and flail my limbs in a desperate attempt to smother the flames. _What_ was happening? Why was no one telling me?

"She's mine, I should decide. She belongs with me!"

"She belongs to no one," A strong voice stated, "and right now we have a situation to deal with." I felt some hope, perhaps this person would know what was going on.

The voice was closer now; I struggled to open my eyes.

"Edward, we have to decide together the best was to deal this. Bella will be one of us soon and will be a member of this family, if that's what _she_ chooses. Now let me pass so I can tend to her."

I felt the bed shift and a cool hand press to my forehead. I did my best to still my motions, but the pain was unbearable. Leaning over me, inspecting the wound on my neck was a tall man with blond hair and the same golden eyes as the others. He looked kind, fatherly.

"Bella, my name is Carlisle. I know this is all very confusing and painful. I'm sorry about that." He glared at Edward who was sitting, crouched at the side of the bed, and then turned back to me. "Unfortunately, the pain will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. We will be here to help you through afterwards, you're not alone, please try not to be afraid."

"She's not afraid." Jasper's tone was calm, certain.

"She's a fighter," spoke a deep, booming voice that I didn't recognize. I struggled to focus. It was another Cullen; Emmett. He was nodding and smiling at me with a look of…approval.

"There's not much time," one of the voices proclaimed, but I wasn't sure which, as things were getting fuzzy. The pain, impossibly, was intensifying and drowning my conscious thought.

"Alice…you take care of Angela." A voice directed. _Good_, I thought, Angela would help me, and call Charlie.

"I will take Bella. Edward, you can meet us later." _Take me where?_

Edward growled, "I'm not leaving her."

"You have to, at least for now. There will be questions…this must be done right. It's vital to all of us, and to Bella." Carlisle's authority was apparent.

And then Edward was there, above me, his cool hands on my face. I writhed and moaned but struggled to look into his eyes. His face was pained.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean for this to happen now, not like this." His words didn't make sense. How could he mean for this, whatever _this_ was, to happen _ever_? The pain was infinite and I wanted him near me. My anger was flaring and I wanted to push him away. I wanted to hurt him.

He leaned down, scooping me up into his cold, stone arms, and suddenly I was moving, quickly, the night air cool against my burning skin. Had we gone out the window? I felt a jolt as we landed, and stifled a yelp. It was warm now, indoors and I could hear low voices…Emmett and …someone else, another girl. Edward set me down in a seated position. My consciousness was fading in and out, it was getting too hard to comprehend where I was and what was going on. I smelled leather and felt my arms being moved, my fingers wrapped around something firm and smooth.

"Here's her jacket." Jasper's voice was calm. My body was ablaze and they were worried about the cold?

I moaned and whimpered but fought desperately to control my outbursts. I willed myself to be still, to not yell. If I lost control I wouldn't be able to focus, and I desperately needed answers. If I spoke, I would scream, so I willed myself to remain as silent as possible in an attempt to latch onto the fragments of words that made it through the fog of the flames.

"….move her to the back…."

Then we were moving…driving I think.

"….where..."

"Fuck Jasper, it just happened!!"

"…we'll have to leave…place in Canada…Denali's."

Edward must have been talking to Jasper, but I never heard Jasper respond.

After a short drive, we stopped. I could vaguely hear the sound of rushing water. Hard arms wrapped around me and lifted me from the car. The motion broke my intense concentration. I cried out in pain.

"It's okay, darlin'." Jasper's voice crooned in my ear and my suffering eased, just a little, but enough to concentrate on his words. "We're going somewhere safe. I can't take away the pain, but I can help you relax. It's still going to get worse. I know you're confused, but try to just get through this part and we will explain everything, I promise." I realized it was his arms I was cradled in. They were just as cold and hard as Edward's.

I nodded, fighting back the waves of torment and pain. Jasper's voice was soothing and something about his presence calmed me slightly. I was confused, but knew I would get answers.

"Bella," Edward's voice was at my ear. "I have to leave for a while now; I will come to you as soon as I can. I love you." He squeezed my hand, I pushed it away. He uttered a pained, mournful whimper and his voice broke when he spoke. "Go Jasper."

And then, I was flying.

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**EPOV**

She was hurting so badly. I'd never watched the change occur, and was unprepared for the impact the pain would have on me. My angel was hurting, and not only could I not help her, or be with her, but I ached at the knowledge that I was the one who had inflicted the suffering. This isn't the way it was supposed to have happened. We should be somewhere special, together; but instead I had to leave my love in the care of my brother. I knew she was in good hands. Having extensive experience with the transformation, and having performed countless changes himself, Jasper was the logical choice to stay with Bella and he would be vital to her adjustment afterwards.

Having never witnessed a change, I wasn't exactly sure of the process. I knew it would hurt, beyond words, and that after a few days, her heart would stop. My limited knowledge covered the basics, but I'd wished I'd paid more attention in the past. I was not around for Esme's change, having taken a trip to Denali at the time. Rosalie had been fiercely possessive of Emmett during his transformation, and kept us all out; except, of course, for Carlisle, who was allowed in briefly to check on Emmett's progress. As for Rosalie, I didn't agree with Carlisle's reasons for infecting her, so stayed away on principle.

My hands shook as I watched my Volvo sink into the river. I wasn't cold, of course. Had I been human, the frigid water would have caused hypothermia within a matter of minutes. But I swam quite easily and comfortably in the freezing rapids. Recent snow in the mountains followed by sunshine had caused the river to run especially high and fast, perfect for our current predicament. I waited until the car was no longer visible, and then climbed the embankment to flag down the next car that passed. I knew the part I had to play now, the words to speak, the questions that would be asked, and the physical reactions my body needed to portray. I knew what was coming, and what to do but all I could think of was Bella.

I thought of the way she pushed my hand away, the way she pushed me away. I'm sure it was the pain and confusion since she had told me she loved me. She said "forever." Why would she push me away?

I sat on the damp grass letting my mind replay the events of the past few hours. Bella was there, in my room just as Alice said she would be; and she looked absolutely radiant. I had planned for us to talk - just talk - but when she touched me, I came alive with a passion I didn't know existed within me. The heat from her hands pulsed through my body and left a burning trail in their wake as they slid over my chest. I wanted to talk…but I _had_ to touch her. I pulled her into my arms, and was consumed by her warmth and softness. I saw such trust and acceptance in her eyes. I kissed her tenderly. Her soft, supple lips felt like heaven and I wanted to never have them apart from mine. I forced myself to pull away, to search her eyes again. When she pulled me back to her, with as much strength as a human could manage, I had my answer, and I lost my thin grip on control. The force of her passion enveloped me. The way she responded to my touch, her body writhing beneath me, yearning, pleading; I couldn't get enough. I was completely unprepared for the overwhelming force of our mutual desire. As I slid my length into her, I felt complete. I was her first, and I wanted to be her only. She cried out, and I knew it hurt, but I couldn't stop. The urge to claim her flooded through me, taking over, and I very nearly bit her then. But I wanted to make love to her more and I needed her to feel my desire and love and promise as our bodies moved as one. She called my name as she climaxed, and I knew then that I could not bear to let her go. She was mine, completely.

I told her I loved her. I should have said more, but it felt like enough. And when she told me "forever" I saw the truth in her eyes. We would have forever. She would be my eternity. I bit her. I bound us together. Her blood was so sweet, and so rich. I drank for a moment, but had little trouble stopping. Nothing would keep me from my Bella, least of all my thirst.

Light danced across the trees lining the highway as a car approached. I stood up, and walked toward the road, readying myself to face the storm, and my future.

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A/N - A big thanks to everyone who has been reviewing! This being my first attempt at writing, I am especially grateful for all the support and kind words.


	6. Transformation

_**Disclaimer: Edward owns me completely. I don't own him or any of the other Twilight goodies**_

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_**_This chapter is dedicated to Jill, who is reading this while drying her hair- Happy Friday! You make me laugh like a crazy person. Love ya hard and repeatedly._  
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**BPOV**

I don't know how long I burned. It could have been days, it may have been minutes. It felt like forever. I no longer thought I was dying, but I knew something was happening to my body. I felt it changing. I also figured out that Edward had done this to me, intentionally, though he seemed remorseful. Things didn't make much sense.

Jasper stayed with me, holding my hand when he could, when I was still enough. Sometimes he would sing, it sounded like country songs; he had a nice voice. It helped having him near, it was calming. It seemed like he had some sort of…ability…to soothe me; quite the opposite of Edward's apparently.

It was hard to form coherent thoughts, and impossible to speak. Whenever I would try, let even the smallest amount of noise out, I would be wracked with a fit of hysterical screaming that would make Jasper cringe, then concentrate very deeply until I calmed, or at least quieted again. The thoughts that did come were fleeting. They flickered between Charlie, Angela, Edward, and sometimes my mom. But I couldn't hold them long enough to make sense of why I wanted to think of them.

At some point, Edward returned. He held my hand, touched my face and spoke softly to me. I'm not sure what he said. A few times I pushed him away, but he always came back.

Muffled voices sometimes broke through the agony and my intense concentration at fighting it, mostly Jasper and Edward. They sounded tense at times – sometimes shouting. At times I would only hear Edward talking, though he seemed to be carrying on a conversation. I heard Alice's voice too, usually very close to me. I liked her voice, it felt caring and sweet, and she talked to me kindly, like we had been friends forever.

Eventually, I noticed the pain begin to recede ever so slightly, or maybe I was just getting used to it. It was hard to tell, but my thoughts were clearer and noises became louder and more dynamic. I noticed footsteps and voices coming and going from the room, and for the first time found myself wondering where exactly I was. I could smell cedar, pine, mold, and earth - damp earth, and grass. There were other, more subtle smells that I couldn't quite place but were oddly familiar…stone perhaps…and a mix of other scents, honey and almonds, cinnamon, musky smells and floral smells. These seemed to come and go with the footsteps. And I could smell Edward. I knew his smell anywhere, and it was now intensified, and filled my lungs with each breath, as he rarely left my side. I felt his presence, constant now, next to me.

I could hear my heartbeat too; it was very loud and echoed through my ears. I had become so accustomed to the steady rhythm that I noticed immediately when it suddenly changed pace. My heart began to race.

"It's almost time." Jasper stated, prompting a shuffle of movement. I could distinguish six different sets of footsteps, each unique, and all moving in my direction from various parts of the house. Two of the sets were a softer patter at first, muted. I heard a door open and close, then the steps were louder; they had been coming from outside.

As the pain continued to recede, I was better able to focus, and was becoming more aware.

Jasper's footsteps approached quickly. I knew his sound best, as he had been pacing for some time now. As he neared my body, I felt Edward stand abruptly, leaning over me.

"Sit down Edward." Jasper's tone was irritated, reprimanding. "I need to explain to her what will happen next. It can be very overwhelming and she will adjust better if she's prepared."

I felt Jasper leaning over me as well, facing Edward.

Edward's body shifted, and a low sound began growing within him…was he _growling_?

Immediately, Jasper's body shifted as well and he matched the sound coming from Edward. I could feel the two of them, inches from me facing each other, as the growling grew louder.

Carlisle's stern voice echoed through the room, "This is not the time for a cock fight! Edward, move aside so Jasper can help her."

The growling stopped, but it took a few seconds until they moved apart. The floor boards creaked as Edward stepped aside to allow Jasper to kneel beside my head. I immediately recognized his scent. He was sandalwood and musk, masculine yet sweet and I could even taste it now, as I felt his breath fan across my skin when he spoke

"Bella, it's almost over now." Jasper's voice was calm, and soothing. "Try not to be frightened, but in a few moments your heart will stop."

I wasn't frightened, I was terrified! How could he tell me something like that and expect me to stay calm? My face contorted with fear, and I whimpered. It was the first noise I had made in so long, and I immediately noticed that it didn't sound right. It was also the first time I had felt fear, and I wanted Jasper closer. The pain had completely left my hands now, and was slowly retreating inward, away from my arms. I wanted to reach out to him, and I moved my fingers slowly across the bed, toward his voice. I could feel the texture of every thread of the sheets as my hand inched across them.

Jasper grasped my hand when he realized I was reaching for him. Edward exhaled sharply.

"Try not to move Darlin', not yet." Jasper leaned closer to me and closed his other hand around our joined hands, holding my hand in both of his. They weren't cold anymore; his touch was almost…warm, and so smooth. I relaxed a little as I felt the waves of calm sweep through me. He continued speaking very softly, but I could hear him perfectly.

"When your heart stops, it will be over, and you can open your eyes when you feel ready. Your body has changed immensely and your senses have heightened. Things are going to look, sound, smell, and feel differently and more powerful now. Also, your body will move in different ways. Your movements will be difficult for you to control at first, and you will be extremely strong, so it's best to move as slowly as possible until you are used to the way it feels, and your new strength." Jasper paused, squeezing my hand. "Bella do you understand everything so far?"

I squeezed his hand, slightly, because I didn't know if I could speak, and not scream. I understood his words but they didn't make sense. How could there be an _after_ when my heart stops? Wouldn't I be dead? The burning had moved almost completely out of my arms and legs now, and was mostly concentrated in my torso, but was building in intensity as it gathered in the center of my body. I squeezed again, willing him to go on, desperately hoping something would make sense.

Rubbing my hand gently, he continued. "Just before your heart stops, the pain will become very intense, then will go away completely. You'll be left only with a burning in your throat- I'll explain more about that later. Remember, you will be disoriented when you first open your eyes and move. There are seven of us in the room with you, myself and Edward, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, and Carlisle and Esme, his wife. We are going to look a bit different than you remember, because of your enhanced sight. Don't be alarmed, no one will hurt you. We are all here to help you."

Suddenly, the fire pulled inward, and centered around my heart, which began beating wildly in my chest, thumping and pounding so hard I thought it would explode. It was searing and immense. I could no longer concentrate, or hold my voice. I cried out sharply, my back arching off the bed as my muscles tensed and my limbs thrashed.

"Edward, help me hold her." Jasper's voice was anxious, but still in control.

I felt their now warm hands pressing against me, firmly, most likely using all of their strength, though I could still lift off the bed.

The floor creaked, at the other end of the room, someone shifted.

"No Emmett, we've got it." Emmett's movements stopped with Jasper's reassurances.

I concentrated on not fighting them, but the pain was brutal. I felt my heart grow, expand, as if it was filling with fluid and growing in my chest. The pressure built - my heart swelling like a balloon larger and larger until suddenly it gave one loud final thump, almost explosive in force as it deflated and then went still. My heart had stopped.

"Bella…it's over," Jasper whispered, and for the first time in a while I heard a smile in his voice.

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_**A/N- A big THANK YOU for all the reviews. I love them all, and really appreciate you guys taking the time to let me know you're enjoying the story and ask questions. It makes my day!!**_


	7. Explanation

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. Still wish he was.**

**_A/N-Couple chapters of angst- sorry but its necessary- Don't throw stuff  
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**_This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Jenny for knowing the real me and loving me anyway, for making me walk up the big hills even when I bitch and moan, and for listening to me ramble about this story. I'm lucky to have you. Now go let your puppy out before she pees on something._**

**_Thanks again Lillie Cullen for being an awesome beta, and so much more._**

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.  
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_Previously:_

_I concentrated on not fighting them, but the pain was brutal. I felt my heart grow, expand, as if it was filling with fluid and growing in my chest. The pressure built - my heart swelling like a balloon larger and larger until suddenly it gave one loud final thump, almost explosive in force as it deflated and then went still. My heart had stopped. _

_"Bella…it's over," Jasper whispered, and for the first time in a while I heard a smile in his voice._

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**BPOV**

Edward leaned closer to me.

"Bella?" His voice was different, enchanting. His sweet breath fanned over my face and stirred my hair when he spoke.

I turned my head toward him and slowly opened my eyes, to find his blurry face just inches from mine. It took my eyes a few seconds to adjust, bringing him into sharp focus. I gasped at the sight. He was so beautiful. I had spent many days staring at his face, but had never seen it this way. Hundreds of shades of red and brown danced through his hair each reflecting the light. His skin was still pale, but I could see its texture, smooth and firm. And his _eyes_. The color had so much depth and swirling around in the golden liquid were tiny, microscopic specks of green, in several different shades.

"What happened?" I asked, and his eyes changed, subtly, the texture shifting slightly as his smile faded.

He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath before answering. "I bit you."

So he _had_ done this to me. Confusion and anger welled up in me, and my chest began heaving, my breathing erratic. I tried to calm myself. I wanted to hear more, but then he reached his hand toward me to touch my face and I flinched.

I flinched, simply flinched. I tried to move away from Edward's hand and merely flinched. But the momentum sent my body spiraling upward and off the bed. I found myself suddenly startled, crouching, and face to face with a sight I was not prepared for, but couldn't look away from.

Jasper stood, a few feet from me, arms spread, regarding me cautiously. He had what appeared to be… scars covering his neck and jaw. The crescent shaped marks overlapped, and caught the light, making them even more pronounced. The same marks were covering the parts of his arms that were visible. There were hundreds of them. I stared... repulsed, but fascinated. Jasper had been so gentle with me, so soothing. It was hard for my mind to assimilate the caretaker I had come to rely on so much during the pain with the startling image before me. What had happened to him?

A shuffle of movement from across the room caught my attention, and my head whipped quickly to locate the source of the noise. That's when I noticed that there were indeed others in the room.

"Bella?" My face whipped back to Jasper; the movement was so fast and disorienting. He spoke with reassurance, "Remember, no one here will hurt you."

I looked to each of them. Alice stood behind Jasper, peeking around him and smiling at me. Across the large room, leaning against the arm of a leather sofa was the blond sister, Rosalie. Emmett stood by her side. He looked excited, expectant. Rosalie looked… bored. I continued to scan the room, aware of my surroundings for the first time. The walls were light, and contrasted with the dark beams running across the ceiling. The furnishings were rich, but simple. Behind me was a wall entirely made of bookshelves, containing hundreds of books. And directly to my right, was a simple hospital bed: the very bed where I had burned. It looked very out of place in the cozy atmosphere. Across the room stood a large fireplace with an oversized dark wood mantle. Carlisle was standing by the fireplace with his arm around a woman I didn't recognize. She must be Esme, his wife. Edward was standing behind me, just a few feet away. I didn't need to turn to know he was there. His scent surrounded me, and I could hear his breathing. The silence in the room stretched on, as they waited for me to collect my thoughts. It was all so overwhelming. Everything looked different, sounded different and my body felt so foreign. Really, there was only one logical explanation.

"Am I dead?" I asked. Nothing else made sense really. I must be.

"Yep," Emmett chuckled, nodding his head.

Six pairs of eye shot to him. He held up his hands in surrender, and then made the motion of zipping his mouth and throwing the key over his shoulder.

I stood, completely motionless, waiting for someone else to speak.

Carlisle looked to Jasper with questioning eyes. Jasper looked to me, then back to Carlisle, nodding slightly. Carlisle approached me, slowly, cautiously; the way you would approach a feral dog.

"It's true Bella, your heart no longer beats. You're no longer… human."

What. The. Hell? I looked at him, with my new eyes noticing the way the light reflected off his blond hair, accentuating every strand. I could see each individual hair, and follow its path through the tangle of other hairs. It was distracting. It was fascinating. I suddenly couldn't remember what we were talking about. I struggled to grasp the thought. Oh yeah…human. I was no longer human. My eyes snapped to meet his.

"What do you mean? If I'm not _human_…." I trailed off, not wanting to even finish that thought. What else was there to be?

Carlisle looked to Jasper who turned to Edward. They obviously had something to say but seemed to be unsure of who should deliver the news. Or perhaps nobody really wanted to. Edward and Carlisle locked eyes for a fraction of a second before they both turned to Alice.

"Carlisle." Alice stated simply.

The sun blond man turned to me again and took a deep breath before continuing.

"Bella…I'm afraid there is no easy way to say this." He paused for a moment before continuing "You're one of us now…you're like _us_," he motioned to the others in the room, "You're a vampire."

The silence in the room lasted only a fraction of a second before it was broken with the most logical sound I could manage. I laughed. My head fell back and laughter poured out of me with abandon. The sound was different, had more layers, and was richer. I laughed until I realized I was the only one laughing. And then I was angry…what the hell kind of a sick joke was this? I took a moment to collect myself before responding, judiciously surveying the 7 pairs of eyes staring intently at me…expectantly, almost as if they were…_waiting_ for something.

"Vampires don't exist," I countered, because the notion was absurd.

They all continued to watch me, not saying anything as they waited still...for what I didn't know. My eyes travelled around the room taking each of them in, seeking some meaning in the golden eyes staring back at me. They all had exactly the same shade of eyes. After sweeping around the room, I let my body turn, looking behind me.

My eyes fell on Edward_. Edward_. He was looking down, his face thoughtful. Slowly, he lifted his gaze and our eyes met. Hazy memories began to form. Biology, his smile across the room, shirtless in the moonlight, kissing him, his body on mine, the bed frame bending under his fingers, his cold skin, and golden eyes, "I love you" and "forever," the pain, and my blood on his lips. Then it clicked.

"You!" I gasped my eyes narrowing. "You're a vampire!"

Edward smiled, sweetly, smugly. His eyes smoldered into mine.

"As are you, my love."

Heat rose within my cold body, flooding my thoughts. The look in his eyes stirred a strong feeling within me, though it wasn't the same stirrings I had felt the last time he looked at me this way. I felt my loose grip on control slipping, and I suddenly knew _exactly_ what everyone was waiting for.

"She's pissed." Emmett practically beamed, smiling widely as he rocked on his heels with his arms crossed.

"Mm hmm. Oh yeah," Jasper was suppressing a smile.

Anger tore through me, filling me completely. Before the plan even formed in my head, my body put it into action. I crossed the room quickly, too quickly I realized as the images flew by in a blur lasting only a fraction of a second, but being clear enough to see every detail. I collided with Edward, lifting him and carrying his body with my momentum, slamming him in to the wall of bookshelves with such force that the shelves cracked and splintered, the books toppling from the shelves and falling around us. I held him there, my face inches from his, my hands pressed into his chest so firmly that I could feel his stone skin giving way underneath them.

Emmett and Jasper moved, taking a step towards us, but froze when Edward held up a hand motioning for them to wait. Was he insane? I wanted to rip him to pieces, and felt like I could. I admired him, a little, for being man enough to take my anger. But in that moment, I hated him more. I had trusted him. I had given myself to him, and he destroyed me. I stared deeply into his eyes.

"What have you done to me?" I snarled, still just inches from his face.

"I'm sorry Bella," Edward muttered, and I could see the remorse and torment in his eyes. "I just loved you too much. I couldn't risk losing you."

He_ loved_ me? That was his reason?! It wasn't enough, and it wasn't going to change anything. I wanted to tear him to shreds, to bite him. To hurt him the way he hurt me. But I couldn't, because I could see the truth in his eyes.

I dropped him and turned away. There were too many questions for me in those eyes, and I had no answers.

Rosalie snickered from her spot across the room, still leaning against the sofa." I like her."

Edward sank to the ground against the broken bookshelf, and watched me intently, though I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him. I fell to my knees, and sat as still as possible to give my brain a chance to catch up with the influx of information and sensations that it was not accustomed to dealing with. Jasper approached, asking permission with his eyes, and I nodded. He sank down beside me, sitting close but not touching me. I felt calmer instantly, and was glad he was near. My head fell into my hands, as I struggled to stop the hysteria, even with Jasper's soothing presence close by it was threatening to consume me. It was all too much. Too much emotion. Too much sensation. Too much loss.

I just needed to get away - away from Edward and away from this place. I needed time to figure out what was going on.

"Will someone please take me home?" I asked and the room went completely still. I raised my head to find everyone staring behind me at Edward. There was no hesitation this time, no question who should speak. Suddenly, Edward was beside me. He reached his hand toward me, but pulled it back before it touched.

"Bella…love," I glared at the word. "You can't go home."

"I sure as hell can go home, you can't keep me here." The anger was surging again. "And don't call me love"

Carlisle moved toward me and kneeled down to meet my eyes. "I'm afraid it's true."

Anger shifted to outrage and I shot to my feet. I stood, crouching, confused. Jasper stood remaining closely by my side; he was trying very hard to calm me. After a moment, he nodded curtly to Carlisle, who turned to me again.

"Do you feel the burning in your throat?" He asked.

I did. Not only did it burn, but it felt so…_dry. _My first thought was to ask for water, but that didn't seem to be what I wanted. Why was it burning? I vaguely remembered Jasper mentioning something about the burning. I forced myself to re-focus on Carlisle and nodded, urging him to continue.

"If you get anywhere near a …human…the instinct to feed will take over and you will not be able to control yourself at this point. So, you see…" he trailed off. The look on my face told him that he didn't need to finish. I knew what he was saying. If I went home, I would kill Charlie. I would bite him and drink his…blood…until he was dead. I could never go home. And I had never longed for home as much I as did right then.

"But...Charlie will be worried…I need to call him," I stammered, imagining the entire state of Washington looking for me.

"That won't be necessary," he murmured quietly. Shifting slightly, he measured his words carefully. "Charlie and the rest of the humans have already been informed… in a way."

"You told him?" I asked in disbelief.

Carlisle reached out cautiously to take my hand, the years of practice with delivering bad news evident in his empathic demeanor.

"Your human life has ended. That's what Charlie knows. I'm afraid that's all he _can_ know. It's for his safety as well as ours."

"My dad thinks I'm…_dead_?" My musical, beautiful voice broke on the last word.

Carlisle closed his eyes and nodded his head slightly.

It was all too much. While I burned, I had wanted answers so desperately. I had wanted nothing more than to know what was happening to me, and what it all meant. But now that I knew, I wished I didn't. I wished with all my being that I wasn't different, that I wasn't…_dead_. That I could will my heart to beat again, and see my family again. I wanted it back. I wanted this nightmare to end. The hurt and rage and fear and loss built in me, suddenly overwhelming my senses and crippling my control.

So I screamed. I screamed as loud and as long as I could. I screamed until I couldn't remember why I was screaming, until I couldn't think of Charlie and my home, and my bed and my mom and Angela and all the people I loved. I screamed until I didn't want to anymore, but then found I couldn't stop. I tried to close my mouth but it would open again. I wanted to end the rage and hurt and willed the noise to stop, but it just wouldn't.

"Jasper!" I finally managed, knowing that he would help me. And then he was there, his arms wrapped around me, restraining and calming. The bursts of anger and torment and fear subsided, flooding out of me as waves of calm radiated through my body, finally stopping the screams. I was spent. I had reached my limit. I collapsed in his arms.

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A/N - Another big thanks to everyone who takes the time to review. I read and LOVE every one of them. You guys make my day!!


	8. Saturation

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Edward. The total unorganized chaos of my life as a result of wishing I did, is all mine._**

**_Thanks again Lillie Cullen for being an awesome beta, and a good friend._**

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story, read teasers and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.**_

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**EPOV**

What had I done? While my Bella burned, she pushed me away, and instead called to Jasper. He squeezed her hand, sang to her, and sometimes, he held her in his arms. It tore my dead heart to pieces to see my angel lying in his arms. It took every ounce of my control not to rip him to shreds when he touched her. And hearing her call to him was the worst kind of torture. It should have been my arms she needed; my touch that calmed her, and had I waited, allowed her to make the choice, it _would_ have been. It was a consequence I would have to live with. But it was agonizing. I felt certain that once it was over, she would come back to me.

And, she did seem more peaceful there, near Jasper. His gift could help her, lessen her pain, and for that I was grateful to him. His thoughts held nothing more than concern and kindness for Bella, and anger toward me. Jasper had been forced to turn many healthy humans in his early days, and it was now something that he felt very strongly against. But Bella would have chosen to be with me eventually; Alice saw it. So he had no right to be so angry, to judge me. It would have happened anyway.

When Bella's heart stopped, she turned her head toward my voice and opened her eyes. They were full of awe as she experienced her new sight for the first time. She gazed at my hair, and then looked deeply into my eyes. Her face held wonder, and she looked at me so tenderly, taking in my features as if seeing them for the first time. How I wished I could hear her mind. I couldn't help but smile and her deep crimson irises softened for a moment before her brow furrowed a bit and she spoke for the first time.

"What Happened?" She asked, and her new, musical voice sang to me in a way that no other ever had. She was beautiful and perfect and she was mine, for eternity.

There was no point in delaying the truth. From this moment on, Bella would hear the truth from me, always. Our life together would start in this moment, with these words. They had to be real. They had to be honest.

"I bit you." I replied, simply, because it was the truth.

The sheer magnitude of her anger was unexpected. I knew she would be confused, and possibly upset. But the sheer fury raging in her gorgeous, immortal eyes stunned me.

Now, as I sat here slumped against the broken and battered bookshelf Bella had shoved me into while dealing with her fury, I still couldn't bring myself to regret biting her. I let her push me into the wall and force her anger through me, even though it hurt. Her strength was impressive, even for a newborn, but I stopped the others from helping because I deserved her wrath, and because it was important for me to take it, to show her I would. It may be the only way to soothe her, to release the rage. I looked deeply into her eyes as she held me there, her hands sinking into my stone skin, and I poured my love into our gaze. I willed her to feel how much I needed her. And I begged her silently to accept me, and forgive me. She could have ripped me apart, easily and possibly without even realizing what she was doing. But her red eyes searched mine; softening, relenting, and finally she released me.

But she didn't love me, and she wouldn't look at me, and when everything fell apart for her, when everything became too much to bear, she screamed. She screamed for Jasper.

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**BPOV**

I fell apart, and I screamed but Jasper's arms were familiar and they worked to soothe me yet again. I spent a while there; coming to terms with my newfound …situation and trying to wrap my mind around the sudden changes my life had just taken. I found it easier to think while Jasper held me. I trusted him. But I think there must have been something more to it than trust.

Edward sat, once again slumped against the broken bookshelves, with his head in his hands. He was brooding. The stupid, selfish vampire was brooding because he killed me and I didn't throw myself into his arms.

I couldn't look at him. There was too much to think about, and he would have to wait.

Becoming accustomed to my new circumstances was taking all of my concentration.

This new body was the same but foreign. It moved so easily, responded so quickly. My mind however, I felt I had so little control over. The fine details that came with the heightened senses left my mind reeling. My emotions flickered too, changed rapidly, and were consuming. Years of being a teenage girl did nothing to prepare me for the rapidly shifting and all powerful emotions that I was engulfed in.

I took a moment to examine my new body, and looked down at myself for the first time. My arms were pale, very pale, like Edward's, and had the same smooth, strange texture. I examined my new skin in wonder, and trepidation rotating my arms back and forth watching the way the light moved across them.

I was dressed in a baggy white t-shirt and blue sweat pants that were much too big and bunched up around my bare feet. I knew they belonged to Edward; his smell was engrained into the fabric.

I wondered briefly what had become of the clothes I wore to the party, and struggled to even remember which ones they were. An image flashed in my mind: Me in front of mirror in jeans, and a silky blue blouse. Standing by my side was a tall girl with a friendly face. Angela. Sorrow welled up in me at the memory of us standing there, happy and hopeful. We were imagining a night full of promise. A night we would never forgot. I got both, and so much more; much more than I bargained for. This time the emotion didn't overwhelm me. I managed to push it away, store it, to feel and process later.

Now that I had _some_ measure of control over my body, it was time to officially meet the rest of Edward's family. They stood, watching me patiently, as I looked up to meet their anxious gazes. I knew Alice from school, and Jasper too, but the others I had never spoken to. And now, knowing that they were all …vampires…gave me a very different perspective. Emmett approached me first, slowly, but with a huge smile that made me feel comfortable. He wore a smirk on his face that always seemed like he was in the middle of some private joke. Rosalie was introduced as Emmett's _wife_. Wow, didn't see that one coming. She was polite, but disinterested and a little standoffish. Carlisle introduced me to Esme, his wife. Her maternal glow calmed me, and made me miss my mom, terribly.

It was time to….hunt. I didn't like the way that sounded. Food should involve shopping and cooking, maybe ordering. But hunting? I found myself remembering the terms hunter and gatherers from early human civilizations. Well, if they could do it…

The burn in my throat had started as a dull dryness, and now, just an hour later was scorching and flaring. I couldn't think around it. Carlisle explained to me about his family's _hunting_ practices, which I admit sound less offensive to me than the idea of killing humans; something I was just an hour ago. If they would have dragged me out human hunting at this moment, I might have to tear Edward to pieces, because something tells me I would kill a human without thinking twice and enjoy drinking their blood way too much. And that thought ate at my conscience, and my heart. There were humans I knew out there. Humans I _loved._

Carlisle and Jasper talked quietly with their heads close together, their lips moving with impossible speed, but I could still understand them perfectly. It was decided that we would travel as a group back to their house, and then one of them would take me…hunting. The idea was becoming less repulsive as the flames in my throat kicked up and burned hotter. I was ready to do just about anything to soothe the burn.

Edward finally picked himself up from the floor, coming to stand beside me as we all made our way toward the door. I took one last look at the cozy, but unfamiliar room that served as both my place of death, and rebirth. I wondered whose house it was. It looked lived in, but we were the only ones there. And it looked oddly familiar, but I couldn't place why it seemed that way.

The flames assaulted my throat again, reminding me that it was in fact, time to move on. Most everyone had left the house, and Carlisle stood holding the door open, waiting for stood behind me, but he didn't move further. Without looking toward him, I walked out the door.

Walking out into the darkness of the night was indescribable. The sky was clear, and the moon shone high and bright. Every detail of my surroundings was clear and precise. I could see for miles, and in such detail that it took my breath away. There was a light breeze, blowing the leaves of the tall trees and dense foliage of the forest gently. Each individual leaf moved and caught the light, revealing every minute detail of its structure. I panned my head slowly, taking in all the new sensations….the smell of the forest, the trees, Edward's family, the earth and other scents I couldn't identify. The sounds of the night were all so clear; insects moving, the wind whistling, and somewhere nearby, the sound of rushing water. I stood for a moment with my eyes closed, just trying to acclimate to the influx of stimulus.

"Look up," Edward whispered in my ear, suddenly standing right beside me. I turned my head to glare at him, but the expression on his face muted my flare of anger. For once, he didn't look smug, or desperate. He just looked …kind. So, I looked up.

Nothing could have prepared me for the magnificence of the nighttime sky. I had seen the stars many times in the clear, sprawling Phoenix sky, but nothing compared to this sight. The stars were bright, vibrant and each tinted with a different color. I could see not only stars, but all of the stars, and so many more than I realized were up there.

I smiled, and it felt good.

The Cullens were standing in a loose grouping in front of me, absorbed in discussion. They seemed to be trying to decide the best route for making the journey back to their house, discussing distances and proximity of towns. I didn't understand what the big deal was…couldn't we just…_go_?

I heard the front door of the house click shut behind me, and the sound startled me, causing me to twist rapidly, ending in a crouch facing Edward, whose hand was still on the doorknob. He held his hands up, palms facing me to show me the set of keys dangling in one hand, and then cautioned me with his eyes as he very slowly proceeded to lock the door, never breaking our gaze. The voices behind me had stopped, and the weight of their stares bore into my back. Realizing I was still crouching, I straightened up, both annoyed and embarrassed by my lack of self control.

Edward approached me slowly; his head low, and stopped a few feet away. He turned his body to mirror mine, both of us now looking at the small dwelling. It was a modest house, but quaint and well kept. The pale yellow color was offset perfectly with dark green and white trim making the house surprisingly well suited for its position here, in what appeared to be the middle of the woods. The front of the one story structure was wrapped in a covered porch, the front door being flanked on one side by a hanging swing, and by a rocking chair on the other. It looked like a peaceful place to live.

"Whose house is this?" I asked him.

Edward chuckled lightly, bowing his head to look at the ground for a moment before answering.

"It's ours."

My head turned sharply, meeting his eyes, my expression incredulous.

"Yes," he confirmed, "Ours…yours and mine."

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_**A/N -I say this everytime, but I mean it everytime, so deal. I love reviews! And I love reviewers! Thanks for taking the time to show me the love.**_


	9. Consumption

**_Disclaimer: Not mine. Darnit._**

**_A/N- Special thanks goes out to my girl Lea for helping me brainstorm through the hunting scene._**

**_And a big cyber-hug to Lillie Cullen- rockin' beta extraordinaire. _**

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_Previously:_

_"Whose house is this?" I asked him._

_Edward chuckled lightly, bowing his head to look at the ground for a moment before answering._

_"It's ours."_

_My head turned sharply, meeting his eyes, my expression incredulous._

_"Yes," he confirmed, "Ours…yours and mine."_

**BPOV**

"You bought us …a house?" I asked, my anger slowly rising at the realization of what that meant.

Edward had seemed to feel sorry about what happened, and told me he didn't mean for it to happen that way. So why was it that I was now standing in front of a house he bought for…us??

"Not bought," he corrected with pride. "Built." Oh. That made it so much worse.

"Let me get this straight," I growled through my clenched teeth as I turned my body to face him. " You didn't _mean_ to bite me…to turn me in to a dead, blood sucking creature, but you _built_ us a house …what…just in case?!?!"

My rage was escalating and it was taking all of my control to keep from ripping his throat out. I found the strength of the emotion frightening, but consuming.

"It wasn't like that." He looked me in the eyes, willing me to feel the truth, showing me his honesty, "I had hoped that one day you would choose this, that you would choose….me."

His expression was teeming with sincerity, and it fueled my anger further. Hearing him talk abut choosing made me ache and throb. That was exactly what I didn't get to do – choose. I wanted to yell at him, hurl every piece of anger and fire I had in me towards him, but the flame in my throat flared again, fogging my mind. My fury would have to wait.

Jasper and Emmett appeared then, on each side of me, and this time Edward didn't stop them. Jasper rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently.

"We should go now Bella, you need to hunt."

He was right. I was hungry…or thirsty as they called it. I would hunt, and then I would seek my answers. And maybe throw things.

The rest of the Cullens joined us and Carlisle spoke to the group.

"We will need to cross the highway on our way back to the house, and there is the possibility of traffic." I could tell by the look in his eye it wasn't the cars or us he was worried about.

"Humans?" I asked, and he nodded curtly.

"It will be…safer… if you are carried Bella. If you were to catch the scent of a human, you would likely lose control." He paused, his eyes softening just a bit. "And, none of us are likely to be fast enough to catch you at this point."

I found that amusing, but decided he was right. The burn in my throat was growing by the second, and I didn't want any accidents.

Edward stepped closer to me. "I'll carry her."

I scoffed, and turned my head sharply toward him. "I don't want you to touch me."

He nodded, defeated and didn't protest.

"Jasper should carry her." Alice stated, and that decided it. I wondered why they all seemed to listen to Alice so definitively. That wasn't the first decision I had seen her make.

Edward growled softly as Jasper approached me and turned his back. "Climb on Bella," he prompted, and I lifted myself easily onto his back, wrapping my arms around his neck and crossing my ankles in front. I glared at Edward and the growling stopped.

"You ready?" Jasper asked, smiling. "You probably don't remember the last time I carried you."

He was right, I didn't really. I vaguely remember him holding me as I burned, and then the feeling of flying. I suddenly panicked, wondering if we were going to…fly. We were vampires after all; maybe we would turn into bats. Jasper sighed, as if he could feel my reluctance.

"Don't worry Darlin', this is fun."

And with that, we were off.

We were moving, but not. The trees whipped by quickly, but I could still see every detail, and process my surroundings perfectly. I could tell we were running at great speed, but Jasper's movements were smooth, and his breathing remained even, as if we were simply floating. I rested my head against his shoulder, my mouth twitching into a small smile.

"See," he chuckled. "I told you that you'd like it."

I did like it, and I was reminded of Carlisle's words; I would be faster than them. That thought made me smile wide.

A shimmer on his skin caught my attention and my eyes focused on the scars visible on his neck. I reached up and pulled his shirt down a little at the collar to get a better look. They were all crescent shaped, and looked almost like…bite marks. Jasper didn't seem to mind me looking, and I couldn't resist the urge to feel them. I unclasped my arms from his neck, and cautiously brushed my fingers across the raised marks. I glanced to Jasper's face, and he darted his eyes sideways to meet mine for a second. His expression was slightly sad, but accepting, so I continued tracing the patterns with my fingers, reveling in the intricate texture of the marks.

"Are these bites?" I asked finally, hoping it wouldn't offend him.

The sad look returned, and I strangely felt myself feeling remorseful.

"They are," he confirmed stealing a quick glace toward me again. "My history was …eventful before joining Carlisle and his family."

That's all he offered on the subject, so I didn't ask anymore. He didn't seem bothered by the question, but the sadness it brought to him…to us…made me not want to question him further, at least not right now. I continued moving my fingers across the scars as we made the rest of the journey in silence.

Once back at the Cullen's house, I climbed off Jasper's back as Carlisle approached us. Carlisle shot Jasper a meaningful glace before turning to me, speaking softly.

"Edward is going to take you to hunt." He paused, waiting for a reaction.

I looked to Jasper, pleading "Can't you take me?"

A small hand settled gently on my shoulder. Alice was standing by my side, peering at me kindly.

"Bella," her high soprano voice was beautiful and melodic. "Edward should go with you."

I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell them to forget it, that I didn't need an escort, that I could certainly find a deer or lion or something on my own. But the burning in my throat was agonizing, and I just wanted to quench it, and the fastest way to that end would be compliance. Besides, Alice spoke with such conviction, that I didn't question her assessment. The others trusted her decisions, and for now, I would too.

I looked around for Edward, and found him leaning against one of the large trees bordering the yard. He watched me, his face full of an emotion I couldn't read. When our eye locked, his lips almost twitched into a smile, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I knew what he thought my compliance meant, and he was going to be disappointed.

Carlisle, Jasper and Edward talked for a minute, discussing the best areas to hunt, and Edward led the way into the dark forest.

Running was amazing, liberating. It felt good. The trees whipped past and my new body glided along using no exertion. I wished my throat didn't burn so badly so I could take my time and enjoy the sensation, but I supposed I would have plenty of time for that later. I stayed just slightly behind Edward, even though I knew I could have easily passed him. He glanced over his shoulder now and then, for some reason I couldn't guess. I could tell by his scent he was near, and I know he could sense mine as well. So there was really no need to keep checking to see if I was still with him.

When he did look back, he seemed to be smiling, which irritated me more. Here I was about to chase down a hairy, smelly animal and bite into its neck. It was gross, but he was smiling and actually having fun. Freak. Cocky vampire freak. Humans actually sounded so much more _appealing_. The soft skin, the warmth. My mouth filled with fluid, venom I suppose, and I felt my mind going hazy as my instincts took over. I pulled myself together, I didn't want to kill humans. At least, I didn't _want_ to want to.

We stopped at a small clearing near a lake, and I could immediately both smell and hear our prey. The soft sloshing of a heart beat broke through the other noises in the night, calling to me, pulling me closer. The smell was…unappetizing. It reminded me of the scent of cauliflower; edible but not delicious.

It was enough though. The moist sound of the blood pulsing through the animal that I still couldn't see was enough to make the venom in my mouth pool again, and cause my mind to fog over, instincts pulling me toward sustenance.

Edward was speaking, but I didn't hear him, or I didn't listen. All I could focus on was the intoxicating sound of the heartbeat and pulsing blood just across the lake. I began moving toward the source of the wet thumping, skirting the lake quickly and silently. As I approached the other side I saw it. A large elk strolled casually from the trees, to drink from the lake, completely unaware of my approach. He bent down to lap from the shimmering water, calmly at first, but suddenly startled as I approached. His muscles tensed rearing him backwards in an attempt to flee. But it was too late.

I crouched for a fraction of a second before leaping, hurling myself into the massive beast, knocking him to the ground. The hefty elk thrashed under me, but it was no use. I held him down with ease, and instinctively sank my teeth into his neck, right above the main artery. I was surprised by how easily the flesh gave way, my teeth sinking into the gamey tissue with no resistance. Immediately, warm blood flowed into my mouth and down my throat, coating the flames and subduing the burn. It was bitter, but wet. I held him down, drinking his life fluid until he no longer thrashed, and the blood no longer flowed. I pulled back, gasping, and looked at the spent corpse beneath me. It was limp, lifeless, his blank eyes staring up at me. I felt powerful. I felt repulsed.

I pushed the carcass away and stood in one quick, fluid motion. Edward had appeared by the edge of the water and was watching me intently. He chuckled, taking in my appearance. I looked down, and was horrified to discover the front of my t-shirt was soaked in blood. I glared at him, and the fire in my throat flared again. Why didn't it stop? Shouldn't the burning have gone away now that I'd fed?

"How was it?" Edward asked, still chuckling.

He stood there, grinning and I wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face, but more than that, I wanted blood.

"It was gross. I want more." It sounded absurd, but summed up my feelings completely.

Edward motioned for me to follow and suddenly disappeared into the trees. I caught up with him quickly. It was strange being able to follow him with not only my sight, but with scent. He called over his shoulder as we ran, "Let's find something a little more appetizing."

Oh sure…now he tells me there's something more appetizing. That information would have been handy about ten minutes ago. I was irritated and my throat was on fire.

"So what was the point of that…make me eat my vegetables before dessert?" I snapped.

He laughed, hard, which irritated me further. I didn't see what was so funny. He was smart enough to wipe the smirk off his face before answering.

"Unfortunately, this will hardly be dessert, but it _will _taste better than the elk."

Soon we came to a rocky embankment, overlooking a river. I stopped us this time, having picked up the scent of something nearby. It was less gamey smelling than the elk, but not quite. The scent _was_ better,marginally; steamed carrots instead of cauliflower. I heard the soft patter of steps above the ground, and once again could hear the moist swooshing of blood flowing. Edward seemed impressed with my hunting prowess, which I scoffed at. I assumed every vampire could hunt.

Once again I felt the pull as my instincts took over and I began following the sound and scent of my pursuit took me up, off the ground and I was both surprised and elated to find myself climbing a massive tree with ease. As I ghosted through the branches, I spotted the subject of my pursuit. A mountain lion made its way gracefully through the branches of the trees. A branch creaked under my weight causing the large cat to startle and quickly descend the tree. I followed him to the ground, crouched, sprang, wrestled a bit with the big cat and then finished my meal.

"You're a mess," Edward observed, chuckling again.

I looked down, gasping at my appearance.

The mountain lion had left my shirt in tatters, and fresh splotches of blood mixed with the drying stains from the elk. I really was a mess.

Edward unbuttoned his shirt, took it off, and handed it to me. My eyes raked over his chest as he stood, basked in moonlight.

"Feel better?" He asked, and I did, a little. I nodded, still trying not to stare at his bare chest. "Good then, it's my turn, unless you are still thirsty? There's another lion nearby."

I could hear it, but I felt full, and a little sloshy.

"No, I'm good." I motioned with my hand that he should proceed, and sank down to sit on a large boulder on the bank of the river.

Edward turned toward me, as if he wanted to speak, but stopped himself and instead just smiled. There was sadness in his eyes. Our eyes stayed locked for a moment longer before he darted into the trees.

I followed his movements as he ghosted through the trees. I could hear the drumming of the lion's paws and knew Edward was close. It was silent for just a moment before the cat's hiss broke through the night and then, he was still. Edward was by the river now, holding the cat in his arms, drinking from its neck. The muscles of his bare back and arms rippled and tensed as he held the cat still to drink. When the lion's body went limp, Edward released it, gently placing the carcass aside.

He stood and smiled at me smugly as he raised his arms to the side and rotated in a circle to show me that he was clean. He was showing off. I rolled my eyes and stood, preparing to run back to the house when his look shifted. He lowered his eyes and bowed his head slightly. He looked sad, conflicted… absolutely beautiful. The bright light of the moon bathed his pale skin in a soft glow. My breath hitched as a hazy memory began to take shape in my mind.

Edward, shirtless in the moonlight, asking me to touch him.

The power of that memory consumed me, and all the want and need and desire I had felt in the moment of that night flooded me at once, breaking through my flimsy control, tearing down the wall around my impulses. Before I could stop myself, and before I could remember why I wanted to stop, my body crashed into him, knocking him to the ground. I landed on top of him, my legs straddling his hips, my hands planted firmly on each side of his head, our lips only inches apart. We were both breathing heavily, our eyes locked in desire. My thoughts were a blur flashing rapidly and making little sense. Edward was intoxicating and his proximity was making it difficult to concentrate. His eyes darted to my lips then back to my eyes.

"Bella," he breathed in a pleading whisper.

The sound of his voice brought me back. It broke through, clearing my head and bringing realization. The things I would have to give up. The people that I'd lost. The people who had lost _me_.

It all started with that voice.

I was disgusted. How could I hate him and want him so much, at the same time? My enhanced mental abilities made it possible to feel both sentiments, completely and at once, but gave me no way to reconcile the opposing desires.

I wouldn't let myself want him, or need him. I would not love him. He didn't deserve it.

I jumped up and ran, disappearing into the trees and leaving him breathless and alone behind me.

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_**A/N -I love you guys silly for all the reviews and PM's. Truly, I do. Keep em' coming, they make me warm and giggly.**_

_**Also- I posted a new story called Muffin Man. Its smutty and crude and lots of fun- check it out!**_


	10. Confrontation

_**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**_

_**Thanks again to my beta Lillie Cullen for all the awesome that she is!!**_

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story, read teasers and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.**_

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EPOV

So maybe telling her about the house was a bad idea. But when she asked who it belonged to, I couldn't lie. I had promised myself that Bella would always get the truth. I had built the house. Not myself of course, but I had drawn the plans and overseen the construction. I wondered if the house looked familiar to her, because she had seen it before. The house made her angry…excessively so according to Jasper's thoughts. I wasn't sure why….it seemed a nice gesture.

I was glad Alice insisted Bella hunt with me. I tried to procure the vision from her mind that told her I should go, but she had it tucked away and was mentally flipping through fashion catalogues to keep me out. I would have pried further, but I was simply glad to be getting some time alone with Bella, and knew Alice wouldn't suggest anything bad or dangerous for Bella, or me.

Running with Bella was exhilarating. She was so graceful and beautiful gliding through the trees. I'd wished she would run next to me, but I was thrilled that she agreed to hunt with me at all. Though I sometimes wished desperately that I could read her thoughts, the peacefulness of running with someone and having my mind quiet was irreplaceable, especially since it was the woman I loved. I kept remembering Alice's vision of Bella and I running together, and Bella happy. I glanced back at her now and then to see if she was smiling. Was she enjoying this? Running was one of my favorite things to do, and I'd hoped she would be fond of it as well, as sharing this activity would bring me great pleasure for years to come. Once she forgave me. _If_ she ever forgave me. Bella was stubborn and strong, and being a newborn only amplified those traits. I was going to need to be very patient.

I was impressed with her hunting skills. She scoffed, but they _were_ impressive. The fact that her instincts led her to animal blood, and she drank it willingly was impressive. Most newborn vampires would have to get exceptionally thirsty before willingly turning to animals. That was just another indicator that I made the right choice with Bella. She was going to be well suited for our lifestyle. Watching her hunt was fascinating…and arousing. Her lean body coiled just before springing, her eyes focused with purpose, and the way her body held the massive beast and wrestled with the lion was incredibly…sexy.

She watched me, too. I felt her eyes on me as I followed my own prey, and I brought it out by the lake so she could watch me feed. Maybe she would see it as sexy, maybe it would remind her that she did desire me at one time, and maybe, it would soften her resolve. After I fed, I showed her my clean torso, circling playfully hoping to lighten the mood, but instead, she seemed irritated. I felt defeated. It seemed that no matter what I tried, it was the wrong thing.

Then, suddenly, her expression shifted, and before I could blink, she was on top of me.

It was amazing. I knew it was impulse. I knew it might not last, but the feel of her firm body straddling my hips, her lips inches from mine, ignited my passion for her. I wanted to kiss her, to touch her. I wanted to make love to her.

And as she looked down at me, her eyes hooded with desire, I saw it. I saw the love and want and promise that I had seen that night, the night I bit her. It was only for a moment, but the realization that it still lived in Bella, in _this_ Bella set my heart soaring. I _would_ keep trying, as long as it took. I would keep loving her, and being there for her and giving her as much of me as she would take. Because we had eternity, and I didn't want to spend it with anyone else. I wouldn't.

So when she jumped up and ran I did the only thing I could think of, the one thing I decided then that I would always do, for eternity if necessary. I followed her.

She ran fast, faster than me. I pushed myself, but couldn't quite catch up to her.

"Bella," I called "Please stop."

She kept running.

"I'm sorry Bella," I pleaded, "I can't catch you, but I really want to talk, please stop."

She kept running.

"I will follow you, as long as it takes and wherever you go."

She kept running.

I knew then that I was going to have to get creative. Knowing Bella, and the volatile nature of the newborn vampire, I knew what I had to do.

"Come on Bella, we have eternity together, you can't go running off like a little bitch every time you get mad."

She stopped. And turned. And ran straight for me. Mission accomplished.

I planted my feet firmly, bracing for the impact I was sure was coming for me.

But she didn't touch me. She stopped, barely inches from me, our bodies nearly touching, and her hands balled into tight fists at her sides. Her teeth were clenched, and her eyes wild with fury. Her breaths came quickly, escaping her clenched teeth as a hissing.

"Edward," she hissed through her tight jaw, and I thrilled to the sound of her saying my name, even in anger. "I don't want to hurt you." She was trying to convince herself, as much as me.

I said nothing, and instead continued to hold very still, waiting for her to calm. After a moment her breathing slowed, and her jaw relaxed. She took a deep breath releasing it in a sigh, then turned away, crossing the space of the small clearing we had stopped in, and sat on a fallen log, her head slumped into her hands. I approached slowly, and when she didn't move, or react, I sat on the log beside her.

BPOV

Edward sat beside me on the log, and thankfully, didn't speak. I needed time to think, but my vampire brain was both overly equipped to think, and incapable of processing the overabundance of information. Jasper had told me it would get better in time- that my changed brain would learn to process the stimulus and information with practice. I was determined to speed up that progression as much as possible, because I did not like the feeling of being out of control.

Edward and I sat on the log, silently, for what must have been hours. Time felt different now, less…solid. During that time I thought about everything and nothing. I tried to process my new situation, and I tried to calm my reeling brain and dramatic reactions. I worked to learn to assimilate all of my new, overly adept senses, and let my brain resume some order. And I thought about the things I missed so much, already. Where was Charlie now? How was he doing? Did Angela and Ben get together? Did my mom come to Forks? How did they think I died? I really wasn't ready for the answer to that last question. The thought alone of my parents and friends mourning my loss was enough to test the flimsy control I was struggling to maintain.

Soon, I noticed the sky lightening, signaling the start of a new day. We sat there until the whole overcast sky was bright…it must have been midday. I was amazed by how long I could sit still and not get bored, or sore or …tired.

Finally, Edward shifted next to me, releasing a breathy sigh.

"You have to talk to me sometime." He murmured low and soft, still looking straight ahead.

"No, I don't," I replied. I could easily spend an eternity ignoring him. As long as he kept his shirt on.

"You owe me at least that." His voice was harsher now, and I struggled to keep the anger from welling up in me. I clenched my jaw and my hands began curling into fists.

"I don't owe you anything," I hissed through my teeth. "I gave myself to you already and you took more than I offered."

Edward stood sharply, and began pacing the small clearing, just slightly faster than human speed. He was agitated and his hand kept running frantically through his unkempt hair as he walked. He stopped, looking at me intently.

"You offered everything, you said you loved me. You were supposed to love me…forever." His eyes burned with resolve - challenging, accusing.

"Well, you were supposed to be human Edward; I guess we're both disappointed." I snapped.

That hit him hard. He froze for a second before his face contorted into a mask of pain and sadness. He threw his head back, covering it with his hands and collecting himself before continuing.

"I told you I was different." His eyes pleaded with me, begging me to relent.

I wouldn't.

"I knew you were different, I thought maybe you were weird, or had some disease or power. I didn't know you were dead." I worked to soften my voice. "You could have been a little more…specific."

He turned away from me and stood in silence. The truth obviously hurt. I wondered to myself how I would have reacted that night had he told me the truth…the whole truth. If he would have said he was a vampire, I'm not sure I would have even believed him. And if I had…I doubt it would have made any difference. I didn't fear him, and would have still wanted him. I remember the way my desire was consuming that night, an unstoppable force. I probably would have given myself to him still, knowing what he was. But…I wouldn't have given my life to him that night. Although he claimed to not have bitten me intentionally, claimed to have just lost control, he didn't seem to act as if he thought he'd done anything wrong.

"Do you regret it?" I asked. "Do you regret biting me?"

"No." He answered surely, meeting my eyes for emphasis. I scoffed, and he continued. "I don't. Regretting it would mean that I wished I hadn't bitten, no, chosen you. And I would choose you all over again. I will never regret having you in my life."

He what? He _chose_ me? The way he said it made it sound like a great honor, a privilege. But I didn't feel honored or privileged…I felt fury. I felt robbed. I felt…misled.

I shot to my feet, darting toward him and stopping only a couple feet away; my angry eyes staring into his.

"You _chose_ me? Well lucky me. You chose for me to lose my family, my friends, my…humanity. You _chose_ to damn me to a life of drinking blood…disgusting animal blood. It's either that or kill people. "

He held my gaze as he responded.

"You don't want to kill humans Bella." He was right, of course, and also trying to change the subject to calm me down. "Feeding on animals is who we are." It wasn't going to work.

I stood my ground, seething into his eyes.

"No Edward, that's who _you_ are…I don't know who I am, and frankly, I don't know who you are either. You're a boy I had a crush on. An unbelievably huge crush, and now you're the boy who killed me because he couldn't live without me. Because he _chose _me. Well…guess what? That wasn't your choice to make. "

His lips quivered, he closed his eyes tightly for a second and took a deep breath. He spoke softly, with is eyes still closed.

"I didn't do this right Bella, not how I intended, and for that I am so very sorry." He paused, opening his eyes to meet mine. "But I know you love me, I saw it in your eyes, and I will love _you_ for eternity."

As I looked into his eyes, I lost my fury. They were full of sadness, and …love. I could be stubborn, I could refuse to love him, but I couldn't deny the love I saw there for me. Still, it wasn't enough to erase what had been done. It wasn't enough to make me forget my sadness and loss. Not yet.

"I can't love you Edward. Don't you see? It's the only _choice_ I still have."

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_**A/N -I love reviews. I love reviewers. You guys rock my world.**_


	11. Realization

**_Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor._**

**_Thanks as always to my favorite (and only) beta Lillie Cullen. Love ya hard bb._**

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story, read teasers and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.**_

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EPOV

The truth hurt. It hurt when she told me that she was disappointed that I wasn't human. It hurt when she told me that I took more than she offered. And it tore at my dead heart when she told me that she wouldn't love me because it was the only choice she had left. The only choice I had left her with. That wasn't the _only _choice left, but I wasn't going to point that out. She was right to be angry, but it killed me to hear those truths.

She was right of course, about most of it. Although I had been watching her for weeks, learning about her, coveting her, she really didn't know much of anything about me. And, I had taken her choice. I knew through Alice's thoughts that Bella would have made that choice eventually, to join me, but I didn't have any idea how I had affected my future by losing control, by taking Bella as my own, without waiting for her to decide to join me. Had I doomed myself to a different fate? What would this mean for Bella?

Bella and I sat once again on the log we had spent hours on quietly sitting side by side today. As we sat, in utter and complete silence, I was both frustrated and elated that I couldn't hear her thoughts. The quiet was glorious, but the mystery was maddening.

"Can we start over?" I asked, desperate for something, anything that would let me be close to her in any way I could. I wanted to at least know there was a chance I could win her back, make her love me again, no, make her realize that she did still love me.

She sat in silence for several agonizing seconds before shaking her head slowly from side to side.

"No," she muttered, turning to meet my eyes, "but we can try to move forward. That's all I can give you right now. "

And that was enough. She may not ever let herself love me again, but right now she wasn't pushing me away or looking at me like a monster. She was sitting here next to me, willing to move forward. I didn't know what that would mean, but it was a step, and I was relieved and elated to be taking it with her. So then how would we move forward? How would I begin to mend the damage? One thing she said struck me hard, and seemed so obvious in retrospect. She didn't know me.

I had watched her for weeks, through my own observations and through the thoughts of others. I knew what she liked to eat, the type of music she listened to when she was happy, and the songs she played when she wasn't. I knew she was an amazing cook, and had excellent taste in books. While she dreamt, I learned about her heart. She talked to her grandmother who had passed when she was very young. She didn't like the rain, and she missed her mother. A pang of sadness shot through me at the realization that she will now miss her mother for eternity, and that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Both of my parents had passed before my change, so I hadn't really considered that aspect. Yes, Bella had real reasons to be angry and resentful, and I was going to have a long road ahead of me making things up to her. And I would start right now by giving her what I had taken from her before even biting her that night. I would give her the chance to know me. So I began talking, and she listened.

I told her about me. I told her about my life, how I became a vampire, and my life before then, at least the parts I could remember. She didn't ask any questions; she just listened, looking straight ahead mostly, but nodding slightly now and then and occasionally sneaking a sideways glace when something really caught her attention. She was trying, and for that I was grateful and hopeful. I knew our differences wouldn't be settled overnight, and I knew that she wouldn't throw herself into my loving arms tomorrow or anytime soon, but she was willing to try to be part of my life, and to let me be part of hers. I was elated.

When I was finished, she took a deep breath and spoke without looking at me.

"You said that you knew I liked you…how did you know that?" she asked.

Her question surprised me, as it was the first time she had spoken since I started my disclosure.

I was nervous about answering, but her asking directly made it clear that the answer was important. Honesty was necessary, as always, and this piece of information….was going to be potentially problematic.

"Well," I replied, "two ways really."

Her head tilted, encouraging me to continue.

"First of all…with our enhanced…senses...there are certain human reactions that are easy to identify." She was still watching me intently, so I kept going. "Fear for instance, adrenaline has a distinct smell." Realization of where this was going had not yet hit her. It was coming." And…arousal has another."

Bella's mouth popped open slightly and her eyes widened. Yep, there it was. I suppressed the grin that was fighting its way to my lips as she processed that information.

"You could…smell…my arousal?" Her eyes narrowed and although I should be afraid, I was trying desperately not to chuckle.

I nodded quickly.

"So every time I was…aroused …around you…you could _smell_ it?"

"MmmHmm," I nodded again. "And even if you had just been…uh…aroused… earlier. It may be still on your…uh ...hands."

A look of horror crossed her face.

"Oh God," she muttered, her eyes wide as saucers. "The biology notes."

The smirk I had been suppressing broke free.

I waited for her to become angry or embarrassed or terrifying. But instead, she lowered her head into her hands and did the last thing I expected. She giggled. Her whole body shook with girlish laughter as she wiggled her arms and stomped her little feet into the ground. I couldn't help then but laugh with her. I chuckled loudly and we laughed together, for a second anyway. Suddenly her head whipped toward me, all humor gone.

"It's not funny." Her face was serious, but she couldn't hold it long. Her smile broke through, and soon we were giggling together again, like old friends sharing a private joke. It felt good.

When she regained her composure she tuned to me again.

"You said there were two ways. What was the other one?" She asked.

This was the explanation that I was more worried about. I wondered how much mythical information someone could take in one day.

"Well, I saw it a few times…In Angela's thoughts."

A variety of emotions flickered across her face then. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that the mention of Angela had opened a deep wound, pulled the scab right off. I didn't want to do it, but we couldn't go eternity without speaking of our human loved ones, and I wasn't going to stop being honest now. I waited for her to process her thoughts and prompt me for more information, which I knew she would. Her expression eventually returned to curiosity, with a bit of annoyance.

"What does that mean…are you ...like...a mind reader?" She looked at me, her bright crimson eyes full of questions.

So I told her. I explained my ability, how it worked, and the fact that it didn't work with her -- only with her. She actually seemed pleased with this information. Ahh...my spirited Bella. And my Bella didn't miss a thing. She wanted to know if all vampires had extra abilities, and if she would too. I briefly explained both Alice and Jasper's talents, and was pleased to find that she was fascinated. She had actually suspected as much when it came to Alice and Jasper.

We had been gone for quite some time, and I knew my family would be getting worried. The silver phone in my pocket had yet to vibrate so I assumed Alice was reassuring them that all was well. I stood and offered my hand to Bella. "We should get back…unless you want to feed again before we do?"

She looked from my face to my hand and then stood without reaching for it. "No, I'm fine."

"Let's go home then," I said motioning for her to follow.

"I don't have a home," she muttered quietly, so quietly in fact that I almost didn't hear her.

I wanted to sweep her into my arms and hold her. I wanted to reassure her and promise to love her forever and tell her that she had a home -- many in fact, with us, with me. But I realized this needed to be her decision. That she would have to choose this life still, and that she very well may not. She may reject me, and go her own way. And I couldn't bear the thought of her walking away now.

"You have a home with us Bella, if you'd like." I poured my sincerity into my gaze hoping she would agree, begging her to stay with me.

Her eyes met mine, hardened, but full of sadness and longing.

"Let's go then," She consented, but it felt like a sacrifice, words of defeat.

I led the way into the trees with the love of my existence solemnly trailing behind me.

**BPOV**

"Look at you, you're a mess." Alice tapped her tiny foot, and glared at us as we emerged from the trees. Her hands were firmly planted on her hips, and her lips were pursed into a stern pout.

Emmett came bounding out of the back door as we approached, full of enthusiasm. "Hey…you guys are back, how did it go? Did you kill a bunch of stuff Bella? Wasn't it awesome?"

He stopped several feet away and chuckled lightly.

"Hey Ed, where is her shirt? Did you guys stop for a little detour and the way back?" His eyebrows wiggled playfully, and my anger began to swell.

"Emmett…" Edward stepped between us. "Remember, she is much stronger than you. I think you like your …uh…parts where they are, right?" Emmett took a step back. "Because...if she rips off both your dick and your hands, I'm not picking that shit up for you."

"Me either," Jasper chided as he strolled out of the house and over to us." How are you doing Bella?"

"Uh…fine?" I answered but it sounded more like a question. With so many people around it was harder to keep a handle on the rapidly shifting emotions. Emmett's comment had both pissed me off and made me want to laugh out loud. I was also nervous about being around Edward's family again. Waves of calm began to replace the turmoil and uncertainty and this time I knew how it was happening.

"Thank you," I smiled at Jasper knowingly. His eyes quickly shot to Edward, who nodded slightly.

"I'm glad you two had some time to talk," Jasper's voice was familiar and soothing. "I want you to feel comfortable with us Bella, we all do." The waves of calm turned to love and acceptance. I felt welcomed and safe. I wasn't sure how I would feel about Jasper manipulating my emotions. There may be a time when I would feel intruded upon, but for now I welcomed the relief from the turmoil.

"Can I have her now?" Alice's soprano voice was right next to me. Her tiny hand snaked around my shoulders gently and cautiously leading me toward the house. "Let's get you cleaned up Bella, and you really _must_ see yourself."

"Alice…," Edward began, but Alice cut him off.

"Whatever Edward, she's not _yours._ She is my friend too, at least she will be, let me have a turn with her."

I wanted to protest, to tell them that I wasn't a possession to be shared and claimed. But I felt safe with Alice, and was relieved to have some time away from Edward and his shirtless torso. Plus, I really was a mess and could use a shower. And Alice's comment about me seeing myself had me intrigued. Would I look different now?

I took one more fleeting look over my shoulder at the boys, as she led me into the house.

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_**A/N - A special thanks to you wonderful reviewers! I know how easy it is to read a story and move along without reviewing and wanted to let you guys know again how much I appreciate you taking the time to drop me a note. Your continued support makes me smile, and keeps me writing! You guys rock. To those who add me to their favorties and/or alert the story but move along without hitting the review button- I love you guys too , and ...its never too late to start reviewing ;) **_


	12. Connection

**_Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor._**

**_Thanks as always to my super- beta Lillie Cullen. Love ya hard bb._**

**_And an extra shout out to Jill, who is responsible for the catalog line.  
_**

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story, read teasers and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.**_

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Alice led me through the house and up the stairs, igniting a flash of familiarity. I had climbed these same steps before, with her leading the way, only a few days ago -- as a human. At the time, I had no idea that I would not be coming back down them human, or that I would ever climb them again. As we ascended the staircase I noticed the beautiful paintings on the wall and near the top, a large frame full of varying colors of graduations caps. I hadn't noticed them the night of the party.

Alice glanced back at me as she pulled me up the stairs. We moved at vampire speed and were at the top, standing in front of a closed door before I could blink.

"I'm sure you are anxious to see yourself, but I can't let you see yourself as a mess for the first time. I want to fix you up a bit." She looked at me questioningly. She was asking my permission. Her head dipped slightly, giving her eyes a puppy dog quality. I couldn't help but smile. Something told me she got her way quite often with this look. I knew it was working on me.

"Fine," I agreed.

She giggled and bounced and clapped her tiny hands and I wondered what I had just gotten myself into.

"This will be fun Bella, don't worry." I wasn't worried, but I thought maybe I should be.

Alice's room was in the middle of the hallway, on the second level, across from the bathroom I bypassed the night of the party because it was occupied. Had it not been in use that night, my life would be quite different right now.

She opened the door and pulled me inside, shutting it behind us.

"Stay here for a sec," she ordered as she disappeared for a split second and then returned smiling and bouncing in excitement. She took my hand leading me toward one side of the room and sat me down in front of a massive vanity. A sheet had been hung over the mirror. She swiveled the little stool around so I was facing her.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked, bending at the waist to bring herself eye level to me, and placing a tiny hand on each of my shoulders.

"No," I replied curtly and instantly felt bad. She was trying to be kind and I should have made an effort to be less bitter.

"No…I suppose you're not." Her face was gentle, understanding. She cautioned me with her eyes as she approached slowly and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "I'm so sorry Bella, I should have seen it. I should have stopped him."

I remembered the conversation I had with Edward about Alice's premonitions and I wondered why she didn't see it. I supposed maybe she just didn't see everything.

She spun me around and began brushing my hair. She hummed and smiled as she dragged the heavy, soft bristled brush through my long hair. She obviously took great pleasure in grooming me.

"Alice?" I asked.

"MmmHmm?" she hummed, still engrossed in detangling my impossible hair.

"Edward told me…about your visions." I was really curious about Alice, and I wanted to understand how her ability worked. And…I wanted to know what she saw for me. Would my family be ok? Would I ever feel…complete again? "What do you see for me?"

She was quiet for several seconds. Being unfamiliar with her visions, I had no idea if she was …looking, or just stalling. She set down the brush and ran her fingers through my hair a few times before taking a deep breath and answering. When she spoke, her words sounded sure, but troubled.

"You'll be happy again Bella. Just give yourself some time."

We sat in silence for a few seconds, and then Alice spun my stool around to face her and offered her hand.

"Now…lets get you to the shower shall we?"

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I stood in the middle of the bathroom facing the covered mirror and chuckled. Alice. I undressed slowly, examining each part of my body as it was revealed. Stretching and flexing, marveling at the long, lean muscles under the foreign flesh. They were sinuous, graceful and …sexy. It was me, but not me.

I was surprised to find all of my favorite body washes and shampoos already stocked in the shower. But then again, figuring it was Alice's doing, I shouldn't have been a bit surprised. I smiled to myself. She was really trying to make me feel welcome. It made me wish I wasn't still so angry and…confused.

The hot water felt like nothing I had ever known. It warmed my cold body and soothed my wounded soul. The sensation of the water droplets hitting my skin was marvelous. I felt every drop distinctly and was aware of the trail each made as it ran down my body. The droplets sparkled and danced on my skin, reflecting the light in tiny rainbows. I continued to marvel at them as I washed.

I closed my eyes, clearing my mind and enjoying the warmth and the hypnotic sound the droplets of water made as they bounced off the different surfaces of the shower. I slid down and sat against the wall, just being, silently being, and willing myself to open my eyes again and find that this was all a dream. But when I opened my eyes again everything was still the same, and still so utterly different. I was still sitting in that shower, and I was still a vampire. I popped up and shut off the water.

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I sat on the same stool as before looking at the vast arrangement of bottles and jars and various beauty props Alice had laid out on the vanity. She brushed through my wet hair, humming. It was actually quite soothing.

There was a light tapping on the door, and I startled knocking the brush out of Alice's hand. Still, I managed to stay seated. My control was definitely improving. The door opened, and Jasper stuck his head in.

"Just wanted to see how you girls were coming along."

Alice's eyes rolled, and she spoke without turning to him. "Bella is fine Jazz, she hasn't broken anything or ripped me apart yet."

Jasper chuckled and looked at me. "You doin' ok darlin'?"

I nodded, but it was unnecessary because Alice had already crossed the room, pushed him out the door and closed it, returning to my side in a split second.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled at she began dabbing some sort of goopy white stuff on my face.

I shrugged. I didn't mind him checking on me. "Do they really think I'm going to…rip you apart?" I chuckled.

"Well," she mused in her sing-song soprano voice." You_ are_ showing good control for a newborn, but it's been known to happen. All newborns are different. Some…don't even remember who they were before." Her voice trailed off and her eyes shifted. She sounded sad, but I wasn't sure why. I found myself wishing that had happened to me.

"You and Jasper…are married?" I asked as she continued her assault on my face, now applying blush to my cheeks.

Her face lit up, joy replacing the look of sadness from a moment ago. She told me all about how they had met, about the vision that led her to the diner in Philadelphia, and their journey to find the Cullen's. It was obvious to me how much she loved Jasper. Her whole face glowed as she talked about him, and her eyes twinkled with adoration as she recalled their wedding. I imagined eternity to be much more bearable with someone who completed you the way her and Jasper completed each other. She continued talking as she put the finishing touches on my face and hair and flitted over to the closet to find me something to wear.

She came out with a bag and unzipped it to reveal a gorgeous sapphire blue silky dress. It was beautiful, but there was no way I was wearing that. I shook my head. Alice stuck her bottom lip out and gave me those puppy dog eyes again. I caved, of course. Her enthusiasm for fixing me up was contagious.

"Just for a while," I said, and couldn't help but smile as she shuffled excitedly across the room holding the dress out to me.

"Hurry up and change," she chattered, pulling me off the stool. "I can't wait for you to see yourself!"

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I sat staring into the huge mirror, trying to come to terms with the image in front of me. The girl – no – woman staring back at me was familiar, but may as well have been a complete stranger. Her hair was beautiful, silky, straight and full of varying shades of browns and reds. The light reflected off each strand, highlighting the subtle differences in the hues. The reflection smiled, and I noticed her lips. They were full, perfectly proportioned and contrasted beautifully with the smooth and flawless porcelain skin. This face was enchanting, and strikingly beautiful, but all of the perfectly formed features and enhanced attributes couldn't keep my attention from the most absorbing and fascinating feature looking back at me. Her eyes. I was mesmerized by them. The orbs were like rubies, glistening and swirling, reflecting the light in tiny patterns and bursts of color and shimmer.

I stood slowly, and the body in the mirror rose as well. It looked leaner, graceful, and filled out the deep blue dress Alice had picked out perfectly. My eyes roamed downward. Hmm…this woman had a supple chest; cleavage peeked out above the plunging V-neck of the silky dress.

The woman in the mirror was stunning, and breathtakingly beautiful. And, she was _me_. I was _beautiful_. And graceful and …perfect. I smiled, and spun again, taking in all of my new form. Alice stood behind me looking like a kid on Christmas morning. I could tell she enjoyed dressing me up, and was pleased that my new body and face didn't upset me. Maybe it should have, but I just couldn't get over the awe of being sexy and strong and…powerful.

"My eyes?" I asked, turning to Alice. "They aren't the same as yours?"

"They will change in time Bella…the human blood makes them red. If you continue to feed from animals, they will become like mine. Like ours." She regarded me kindly, like she was sorry they were red. I wasn't sure why, I found the color to be…very alluring.

"But," it occurred to me, "I haven't had human blood."

"Oh, it's yours." She waved dismissively and went back to looking through the jars and containers lined up on the counter.

"_My_ blood?" I asked, mostly to myself as I studied my crimson eyes in the mirror again. It was bittersweet, sitting there staring at the last piece of my humanity, my blood, still swirling in my brand new eyes. I wondered if I would be sad when it was gone and the color changed.

A shimmering on my neck caught my attention and I brushed my hair aside to get a better look. It was a scar, exactly like the ones that covered Jasper's body. I realized it was a bite mark…Edward's bite mark. My fingers ran lightly over the scar as I remembered the feel of his teeth sinking into my flesh, marking me. I sneered. Just what I needed. An eternal reminder of what he had done.

Alice picked up the hairbrush, and ran it through my already perfect hair a few more times.

"It was stupid what he did Bella, impulsive and foolish really, but you have to know…you mean everything to him." Her eyes met mine in the mirror, but I didn't respond. "He has waited a long time for you. We've all wanted him to find someone for so long, and really thought he never would. When he found you Bella…well…he became someone else. There is a light in his eyes that wasn't there before. A hope in his soul. He's not perfect, but he's a good guy, and he loves you."

"I can't Alice, I can't just forget." I sighed, and she stopped brushing, setting her tiny hands on my shoulders. "I had people in my life that I loved too, and they were…taken away…" My voice trailed off, and I struggled to keep the sadness from closing in on me.

"I don't blame you for being angry." She pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "I wouldn't blame you for being angry with me too…but please know Bella, I would have stopped him. Had I seen what he was going to do, if he would have planned it, I would have stopped him. But he didn't plan it. He didn't make a choice Bella, he lost control. There's a difference."

Maybe there was, but I was not ready to even consider forgiving him. Whether it was a loss of control, or a deliberate act, the fact remained that he didn't regret it. He would bite me again. Claim me. Choose me. As if I was a piece of property he ordered from a catalog. Alice on the other hand, I felt no anger toward. I couldn't figure out why she thought I would.

"I'm not angry with you Alice," I reassured, but her eyes looked sad. What was I missing?

She took a deep breath, and her tiny mouth wrinkled with worry before she continued. "It was me Bella. It was my fault."

What was she saying? I motioned for her to continue.

"The party was my idea. I was trying to find a way to bring you two together. When I decided to have the party, I had a vision of the two of you….uh…_being_ together." Her golden eyes twinkled.

My jaw dropped, and had I still been human, I'm sure my cheeks would have been bright red with blush. She _saw_ us. In her vision.

Sensing my embarrassment, Alice giggled and took my hand into hers. "Sorry Bella, but you may as well get used to these things now. In a house full of talented vampires, there are no secrets. You at least have the advantage of being able to keep stuff from Edward." She sighed heavily, "His mind reading is so intrusive."

I was suddenly grateful once again that Edward couldn't read my thoughts. It was hard to imagine having no privacy, even in my own head.

"Anyway…" she paused looking down "I'm sorry...I feel a bit responsible."

Surprisingly, I didn't agree with her. I still placed all the blame with Edward. She had good intentions with the party, and I couldn't deny that I had in fact wanted to know Edward, very well in fact. It wasn't her fault he was selfish and impulsive. And irresistible.

I couldn't let her wallow. "It wasn't your fault Alice." I was sincere, but she didn't look entirely convinced. "Edward did this, not you."

"Mmm…I suppose." She smiled, but it seemed forced. "He does love you…but what he did was wrong. And I think you _should_ be angry."

She stood, and reached her hand toward me dramatically. "Shall we? I can't wait for everyone to see you." Her eyes twinkled with mischief and I knew that by _everyone,_ she meant Edward.

I stood, looping my arm through hers and smiled, feeling lighter than I had in a while.

"And Bella…,"she added lowering her voice slightly, "make him work for it…he will, you know. And he should." She winked.

Alice and I were going to get along just fine.

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_**A/N - I truly love you guys for all the reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep em' coming- they ,make me smile!**_


	13. Assimilation

**_Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor._**

**_And an extra big thanks to my super-beta Lillie Cullen who beta'd this chapter while battling a migraine. You're a saint BB, and next time leave it until you feel better!!!!  
_**

_**If your 18+ and want to chat about the story, read teasers and engage in random silliness and not so random suggestiveness, come play with us on the Twilighted forums! To find the thread go to Twilighted(dot)net , click of "forums", then " alternate universe", then " Choice and Consequences". You must be 18+ to register on this site as we do have discussions of an adult nature. Constantly.**_

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EPOV

"Denali is still our best option," Carlisle pointed out yet again.

I took a deep breath. I _really_ didn't want to go to Denali. There were too many potential…complications for us there. Us meaning me and Bella. I wasn't ready to face that obstacle quite yet. Though, Carlisle was right. Denali would be the logical place for us to take Bella. There would be plenty of well controlled vampires to keep an eye on her. So far her control seemed to be above average, but that could always change and I would feel responsible if she did anything she would later regret. Plus…our house there was out of the way, far from the residential neighborhoods, and plenty large enough to accommodate us all comfortably. The hunting was sufficient, especially now that the weather was warming up. The animals would be more active and easier to find. I had argued for relocating to our house in Canada and even suggested relocating overseas. But the fact remained…Denali really _was_ our best option, at least for now.

The sound of Alice's bedroom door opening caught my attention and I flew to the foot of the stairs at vampire speed. I couldn't wait to see Bella. Not just because I knew Alice would make her look phenomenal. I couldn't wait to see her because I missed her terribly. I knew she didn't have the same feelings for me, not yet anyway, but it was still …difficult to have her away from me for any length of time.

I finally heard Alice's thoughts a few seconds before they rounded the corner at the top of the stairs. She had been very successfully blocking me the entire time they were upstairs. She knew I would peek. I also suspected she wanted some bonding time with Bella, so I didn't try too hard to intrude. Too many times.

_She looks amazing Edward. But take it easy big boy, she needs space. _

I could give her space. And she had already looked amazing - even before her change, and certainly after. I had watched her body and face as the venom spread through her body transforming it, altering it, enhancing it, and somehow, Bella became even more magnificent as a vampire.

Slowly, torturously slowly they turned the corner.

Alice was wrong. She was so wrong. Bella didn't look amazing. She looked fucking fantastic! My jaw dropped and my unnecessary breath caught in my throat as she came into view. She wore a dazzling, royal blue satin dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, and displayed her cleavage like a prize. She was my prize. She was my angel. And she was the most incredible thing I had ever laid eyes on.

Alice smirked at me as they descended the staircase at human speed.

_Makes you wish you would have done this the right way huh? _Alice thought in my direction.

And I did. I wished nothing more than to be able to scoop my angel up into my arms, carry her to our home at vampire speed and make love to her all night long. This was a consequence I would have to bear. I could look at her. I could desire her and adore her, but I could not _have_ her. Not yet. She had given herself to me freely once, and I had betrayed her trust. It would be some time, if ever, before she would give herself to me again.

Her eyes met mine as they reached the bottom of the stairs, and I saw her lips twitch, almost into a smile, but her eyes shifted, looking behind me, and then she smiled.

_Fuckin' A, she looks hot! _

Emmett's thoughts assaulted me, and made me want to assault him. I growled, and turned to sneer at him.

"Hey…quit listening if you don't like what you hear. Besides, look at her," he proclaimed and whistled softly, motioning to Bella.

I didn't need to look to know that Rosalie had rolled her eyes.

And I _was_ looking at Bella. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

_Edward._ Alice snapped._ Don't just stand there with your mouth open, come to her, tell her she looks nice._

I moved closer to her, and felt a small shimmer of hope when she didn't move away. I decided to press my luck a bit. I reached out slowly, taking her petite and perfect hand in mine. "Bella…you are absolutely breathtaking."

I brought her hand to my lips, and kissed the top of it gently as I looked into her eyes. For a moment, she held my gaze, and I saw something there. But then she shifted her eyes downward and pulled her hand away slowly. Still, she had let me touch her. She had let me in, just for that moment. It wasn't much, but it was a step in the right direction, and my still heart soared.

BPOV

Those eyes. His eyes. I was so angry with him. Or at least I wanted be, but I had trouble holding any one emotion too long, and the way he looked at me when he kissed my hand made me forget. It made me forget why I was angry, and why I needed to hate him. Just for a moment. For only _that_ moment we were just us; just two crazy kids who cared for each other. Not predator and prey. Not murderer and murdered. Just us. Edward and Bella and the world was right and perfect again.

But it wasn't like that, and I couldn't just pretend it was. I couldn't love him or forgive him, even if I had wanted to. I was using all my strength just struggling to _be_, and adapt and make sense of my new world. Everything else would have to wait.

Alice gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and flitted to the other side of the room where Carlisle and Jasper were sitting at a table, with various documents spread in front of them.

"So, we're going to Denali," Alice practically squealed, "I'm so excited, that's my favorite…Oh, no." She broke off and her eyes darted to mine.

What did she say? They were leaving? Wasn't Denali in…Alaska?

"You guys are leaving? Now?" I asked. Seemed like an inconvenient time for a vacation.

Edward, still standing by my side spoke first. "We're moving, all of us Bella, you too. We can't stay here now. "

Was he serious? I felt anger and panic gathering in me at the thought of leaving Forks, leaving Charlie and Angela and my room, and the last place I truly felt whole. I fought to keep control, but it was overwhelming me.

"No!" I yelled. "I won't leave. I won't go with you." And I wouldn't go. But…what else would I do??

The helplessness engulfed me, overshadowing the rage and panic. If they left I didn't want to go. I couldn't go. I may not be able to see the humans I loved, but I couldn't leave yet, I wasn't ready. But how would I manage? Where would I go? I had no home, no…family.

Everyone sat very still, like statues except for Jasper, who had moved to shadow my other side, opposite Edward. I glared at him and he nodded. I realized he was there more for Edward's protection than to alter my mood. Even through my assault of emotions and thoughts, I still had room left in my mind to find that...amusing.

I turned my gaze toward Edward, harshly; my eyes boring into him with intensity that he must have been able to physically feel. His face was sad, worried. It suddenly occurred to me that he had thought of this. Edward was afraid I would choose to leave his family and go out on my own. Alice had done it…she had no support group when she changed, and Jasper had been on his own for some time. I _could_ choose that…I could make it on my own. I was uncertain, hesitant to venture out, but I knew that I couldn't leave Forks. Not yet. I decided then. If they left, I definitely would not go.

"No!" Alice's panicked voice pierced the silence, and next to me, Edward gasped.

All eyes turned to her quickly. She was shaking her little head, slowly back and forth, but her eyes were fixed, unfocused.

Alice's eyes suddenly focused, turned to me, and she rushed to my side.

"You can't Bella…please...you can't leave," She pleaded.

"We're not moving. We're staying here," Edward proclaimed with conviction.

Carlisle exhaled slowly, and looked at Edward, intently. Edward nodded slightly, and Carlisle's eyes met mine. He thought for a moment before speaking.

"Bella…we were merely thinking of you when planning to relocate. For obvious reasons, it will be some time before you can be around humans, and when that time comes…" he measured his words carefully, "you shouldn't exactly be seen around Forks. You may find that you want to live somewhere that would offer you more freedom to move about as normally as possible."

He was right. I couldn't be around humans yet, and I had no idea how long it would be before I could. And once that time came, where would I go? I obviously couldn't just go back to school, or stroll through the aisles of Thriftway. I was dead to them. It was true and he was right, but I still couldn't leave. Not yet.

I held his gaze stubbornly, but softened my tone. Carlisle was kind, fatherly, and he spoke with such authority. I respected him, even when I was defying him.

"I understand all that, but I still won't go. I can't leave yet, even if it means being caged up in this house all the time."

Carlisle looked from Edward to Jasper before taking a deep breath and closing the folder of documents lying open on the table, gathering them, and standing. He smiled, kindly as he looked around the room once more and declared, "We'll stay, for now."

Alice reached out and squeezed my hand reassuringly and Edward sighed in relief. Jasper smiled kindly toward me and swiftly followed Carlisle out of the room. Emmett and Rosalie passed me heading up the stairs hand in hand. Emmett smiled and winked and even Rosalie's lips twitched a bit as she passed. I got a strange vibe off of her but tried to ignore it. Vampires were bound to be strange creatures.

Esme crossed the room and took one of my hands as she spoke to me.

"Bella dear," I liked her already; "You do look simply beautiful." I smiled and it wasn't forced. Her motherly influence was refreshing. "Is there anything I can get you?"

A heartbeat? A time machine? I looked at Edward. A match?

They were trying. They were all going out of their way to make me feel welcome and valued, even though they were thrust into this situation just as much as I was. But I didn't feel that way. I didn't feel chosen. I didn't feel special. I felt _stolen_. I felt robbed.

"No thank you," I replied as kindly as I could manage. I just couldn't find it in myself to be bitter toward this gracious woman.

They were all trying so hard but what I needed more than anything was some time to myself, to be alone with my thoughts. I felt overwhelmed and numb. It had been a long couple of days and the night had fallen once again. Maybe I could close my eyes and wake to discover it was all a dream. I turned to Alice.

"It looks like I'm staying here." Alice beamed and I found myself chuckling at her enthusiasm. "So…uh…where's my coffin?"

"Oh, silly Bella," she giggled. "Let's go see your room." She took my hand and led me, once again, up the stairs. I had a feeling I would be dragged up these stairs by this exuberant little pixie for years to come. She thought I was being silly…but I was actually serious. Vampires did sleep in coffins, didn't they?

We climbed the first flight of stairs and kept going up to the third floor.

My breath caught as we rounded the corner and I saw the door to Edward's room open. I was drawn to it and repulsed by it at the same time, and as Alice stopped in front of the other door in the hallway and paused, I realized that I would be living next to it as well. Great.

"This used to be Edward's study, but…he gave it up for you, which he should, because I certainly wouldn't expect you to want to share his room." She giggled knowingly, and opened the door.

"Been there, done that," I muttered to myself as I stepped in behind Alice.

The room was comfortable, quaint even. The off white carpet matched the rest of the house, but the walls were painted a beautiful sky blue. There was a plush sofa against one wall, and rows of stocked bookshelves lining the other. The third wall was home to a gorgeous queen sized bed with a lovely handmade quilt. The geometric patterns of blues and purples reminded me of home. The fourth wall faced the back of the house and was entirely made of glass, just like Edward's room.

Alice had been standing patiently behind me, and when she could obviously stand it no longer she once again grabbed my hand and pulled me across the room.

"Wait until you see the closet…" she squealed, and opened a door to reveal a closet that was larger than the room itself. It was stocked wall-to-wall with more clothes than I could imagine ever wearing if I lived a thousand years. And shoes. An entire wall of shoes. The whole thing was so grand and excessive and…perfect. Not that I was ever big on clothes, but it was the gesture. Alice didn't choose me, but she would have. It was obvious to me that she was excited to have me around and wanted me to be a part of her life. She wasn't just making the most of a bad situation…she was thrilled. She was embracing it. She was embracing me.

"Ok, I'm going to be right downstairs if you need anything," she reminded me as she turned to leave. I nodded and she wrapped her little arms around me, hugging me tightly before giving me a peck on the cheek and leaving the room, closing the door behind her. I listened as her lithe footsteps sounded down the stairs.

I turned off the lights, and was still surprised by how well my new eyesight worked in the dark. There was plenty of light coming through the large window, even without the benefit of moonlight on this overcast night. I sat in front of the glass wall, pulling my knees up to my chest as I gazed out across the river, remembering the night of the party, when I looked out at this view. I remember thinking that Edward saw this every night, and I wanted to be able to close my eyes at night and see it too. I never dreamed then the turn my life would take.

I heard footsteps approaching, agile, measured, Edward. They stopped just outside the door. He tapped softly.

"What Edward?" I asked without turning around.

I heard the door open.

"Can I come in for a minute?" He asked, but didn't wait for me to respond. He crossed the room and sat next to me, facing out toward the river.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" He asked, and I nodded. It was beautiful. But it wasn't home.

We sat in silence for a few moments more, both of us completely still as we gazed out into the night together. I heard a rustling sound and looked down, noticing for the first time a small blue object in Edwards hands.

"I got this for you," he smiled and his eyes met mine as he handed me the shiny rectangle.

I turned it in my hands. An iPod. A little blue iPod.

"I loaded it with all my favorite songs, as well as yours," his eyes twinkled in the dim light. "It helps to drown out some of the noise of a busy vampire household. Music really helps me relax." He tuned to look out the window again.

"Thank you," I told him, and meant it. It was a thoughtful gift. I loved music and couldn't exactly go back to Charlie's to pick up my CD's.

"I'll leave you to rest then." He said as he stood to leave. "See you tomorrow."

"Ok," I mumbled and listened as he left closing the door behind him.

I expected him to go downstairs, but instead he crossed the hallway and went into his room, softly closing the door behind him. A few minutes later I heard the sound of music coming from his room. It was a beautiful piano melody I was unfamiliar with. I listened to it as I changed out of the fancy blue dress into some pajamas I found in a fully stocked dresser, and climbed into the plush bed with my new iPod. I was immediately soothed when one of my favorite songs came pouring through the ear buds. The music was rich and amazing and so much more intricate than I remembered. I wondered how Edward knew what music I liked and made a mental note to ask him about it.

I closed my eyes, as the familiar melodies danced through my mind feeling soothed and less overwhelmed, and waited for sleep to take me.

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_**A/N- Yes, I realize that she will be waiting a long time for sleep to come, but she doesn't know that yet. **_

_**Once again, you reviewers rock my socks. And, I saw lots of new faces last time, which makes me giddy as a schoolgirl! Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who take the time to review. I love you guys hard!! **_


	14. Assumption

**_Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor. Instead, I get to own noisy children, a neglected husband and a messy house which are all a direct result of being owned by Edward.  
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**_This chapter is lovingly dedicated to my girl, Lea because she loves the mountain of a man and owns the sexiest voice I've ever heard- and for so many other reasons. Twilight is lucky to have you baby! Oh, and this chapter's shirtless Emmett - just for you ;)  
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**_And thanks to my beta-tastic bb Lillie Cullen who shares my love of Disney food porn. At this very moment there is a plate of Tonga Toast calling our names.  
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BPOV

It had been hours, but felt like no time at all. I laid there in the soft bed listening to the hundreds of songs Edward had loaded on to the iPod and watched through the massive window as the darkness of night gave way to light bringing with it a new day.

I hadn't slept. And, if I were being honest, I wasn't even tired. I had closed my eyes and cleared my mind and let the music take me to faraway places. Happier places. I thought about my new life, and the things that would now be part of it. Mainly blood. The burning in my throat was beginning to grow again, and the thought of the warm rich fluid filled my mouth with venom. I would need to hunt again. Soon. I also thought about the things that would never be part of my life again, and I ached for them. Birthday parties, my family, and cheeseburgers. And so much more. And I listened too. Even through the music I could hear bits and pieces of the Cullen household. The noises, just typical everyday noises continued throughout the night: Alice laughing, Emmett playing some sort of video game, and the various footsteps on the stairs. Edward was right; there was plenty of noise in a vampire household - particularly at night it seemed.

Edward stayed in his room all night, listening to music and moving about occasionally. Sometime before morning I heard his door open and heard him walk to my door. I paused the music, waiting. He stood there for a few moments before turning away and continuing down the stairs. Even though I knew he was moving at our speed, I could still hear each individual footstep as he descended the stairs and left the house.

Soon, the little noises ceased and the house went strangely quiet. I got up, found some clothes in my ridiculously well stocked closet of Alice love, and headed down the stairs. The house was deserted from the looks of it, but I could hear shuffling coming from the kitchen so I headed there and found Emmett, sitting at the table reading the newspaper. I was struck for a moment by the strangeness of the utter normalcy of this massive vampire casually reading the morning paper. He smiled broadly when I entered the room.

"Good morning Sunshine, sleep well?" He asked and grinned expectantly.

"Not really," I mumbled. "I …couldn't sleep."

Emmett snickered and bounced lightly, obviously taking great pleasure in some inside joke. I snarled.

"You may as well get used to that." His body still shook with the muffled laughter he was trying to contain. "Vampires don't sleep."

Of course. Of course they didn't sleep. Why on Earth would vampires do something so normal and necessary as sleep? Nope. They listen to iPods and read the paper, but they didn't sleep. I obviously still had a lot to learn about my new life.

I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, shaking my head and chuckling. I couldn't be mad. Emmett's playful spirit was contagious.

"Anything else I should know?" I asked sarcastically, raising my eyebrows. He nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah, plenty of stuff. This immortal thing," he waved his hand between us, "is a whole new ball game."

"I've noticed," I concurred.

"Bet you wish you would have just gotten knocked up or something," he snickered, "like a normal teenage girl?"

I smiled. I had too. He was right; when they pushed safe sex on us in school, the warnings never included vampire bites.

I laughed hard and he laughed with me.

His smile was broad and sincere, and his golden eyes sparkled with sincerity. "It's nice to see you smiling."

He rose from the chair and crossed the room toward me, stopping just in front of me with his arms spread and his head cocked slightly to the side. "May I?" he asked.

I nodded and the immense vampire scooped me up into a tight bear hug, lifting me up off the floor and pushing the air out of my lungs in a whoosh.

"I'm glad you're with us Bella," he reassured as he sat me down. "We all are."

That reminded me. I looked around pointedly.

"Where is everyone?" As soon as the words were out I realized that by _everyone_, I really meant Edward.

Emmett shrugged casually. "School."

School. Of course, they had gone back to school. _He_ had gone back to school. He was at school right now going to classes, _my_ classes, and perhaps mingling with humans, _my_ friends, while I was stuck in this house - a prisoner to my circumstances. It was a slap in the face. I scowled.

"And why aren't you in school?" I asked.

"I'm sick," he answered and brought his hand to his face, coughing weakly into it before grinning mischievously.

_Great_, I thought. I'm stuck in the house _and_ I have a babysitter. I scowled again.

"Aw come on," he chided, "It's not all bad you know? There are some really cool things about being…us." He grinned widely.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Come on, I'll show ya," he said motioning for me to follow him as he swept quickly out of the kitchen door.

***************

"Oh-My-God." I exclaimed as I looked around the tiny room.

Shelves lined three of the four walls, and the fourth wall, where we stood, was a massive door, easily a foot thick and made of solid steel. Stacked on the shelves in neat piles, were hundreds, no, thousands of bundles of bills. Money. Lots and lots of money. More money than I could imagine ever having passed though my hands in the course of my entire lifetime. There had to be millions here, easily.

"Is this all…yours?" I asked him, my eyes still wide with awe.

"Ours," he corrected, winking.

"But…where…how?" My words failed me.

"Alice," he shrugged, and I understood immediately. Having a psychic in the family certainly could come in handy.

I continued standing there, mouth gaping open, eyes scanning the piles of cash until Emmett gently took my arm and guided me out of the safe, closing the door behind us.

Once we were out in the hallway again he stopped me, grinning slyly. I paused, wondering what he was up to.

"Come on new girl," he teased and suddenly scooped me up, spinning me around so I landed piggyback style across his back. "Let's go have some fun!" He ran with me, at top speed out of the house and across the back yard.

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First we hunted, I found and conquered two mountain lions, much more neatly this time. Emmett took out two large elk, but I could tell they weren't his favorite. He promised to take me hunting at somewhere called Goat Rocks someday to show me what _he_ liked to eat.

And then…we played.

We ran. We ran through the trees, always me first as I was faster, but he struggled to keep up, egging me on and pushing me harder. It felt good to push, stretch my frozen muscles and revel in the power and speed of my new body.

And we jumped. We jumped from tree to tree and across the river several times in a follow-the-leader fashion. I was amazed by the grace with which I could glide through the air with such little effort. We took turns doing tricks mid-air as we sailed over the river and rated each other's technique.

And we climbed. We scaled massive boulders and trees, reaching places I would have only dreamed about as a human, and would have never dared to go.

And it _was_ fun.

We spent the day this way, and finally settled down on a huge boulder jutting out of the embankment of the river.

We sat quietly side-by-side on the massive rock watching the river run by. It was peaceful, and Emmett was easy to be with. We soon found ourselves in an easy conversation, and I asked him about his transformation, and how he came to be a part of the Cullen family, He told me the story of the bear that attacked him, and of being rescued by an angel, by Rosalie who took him to see God. Carlisle bit him, and he remembered it vividly. His eyes sparkled with adoration when he spoke of his angel, and how she stayed by his side while he burned, and was there to welcome him lovingly when his red eyes opened for the first time. I could tell she was his whole world, and it was easy to see to why she adored him so much as well. Emmett had a kind heart and a playful spirit that was contagious and intoxicating. He was the big brother I never had.

Suddenly, he jumped up, standing tall on the boulder and peeled off his shirt. I was momentarily struck by how massive and muscled his chest was. Were all male vampires so…distracting?

"I've got an idea," he informed me and motioned for me to stand.

I stood, skeptical but curious.

Emmett squared his broad shoulders and placed his hands on his hips. "Hit me," he challenged.

"What?" I asked, puzzled.

"Come on, you scared?" he taunted." You're the strongest vampire I know, and I wanna see how hard you can hit."

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head. I wasn't going to get drawn into his silly male freak show.

"Unless….." he casually looked at the ground, and kicked off his shoes, one at a time, "you're afraid you still hit like a girl." Our eyes met. Mine narrowed. He was challenging me.

"Fine," I agreed, grinning to myself. It would probably feel good to hit something. I could pretend it was Edward. Emmett was in trouble.

He bounced with excitement as he shook his arms and legs out and prepared for the big event.

"Ok…I'm ready," he proclaimed and stood still in front of me, arms to his side.

I pulled my arm back and clenched my fist. I had never punched anyone and I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. I gathered my anger and fear and remorse and frustration. I gathered all the negative feelings in me and channeled them through my arm and into my fist as it rocketed forward and slammed into Emmett's chest with full force. The sound was deafening and fantastic and Emmett's immense body went flying through the air, arching perfectly and landing with a splash in the river below.

I chuckled. That _had_ felt good, and damn, I _was_ strong.

Slowly, casually, I strolled down the embankment and to the edge of the water grinning to myself and looking forward to gloating when Emmett surfaced.

I waited. Seconds turned to minutes and Emmett was not coming up. Hmm. I walked closer to the river…standing just at the edge of the rushing water and looked, using my enhanced vision to peer into the currents searching for him, growing increasingly concerned.

_Shit._ I thought to myself_. I killed him. I killed a freakin' immortal._

I leaned down, closer still, my body hovering over the water as my eyes scanned frantically one more time. Then I saw it, for just a split second, a form in the water moving toward me at lightening speed. Before I could move, before I could blink or even comprehend what I was seeing, the form was in front of me, smiling and then grabbing me with its large hands and tugging me into the water, dragging me under the current.

Water rushed past me at an incredible speed. Vampire speed. Emmett's vampire speed. I held my breath and struggled to free myself from his vice tight grip as he continued to swim under the current, pulling me along and holding me just under the surface. I had never been a strong swimmer, and as the seconds ticked by I began to panic. What was he doing? Was he trying to kill me? Was that possible without …fire? I continued to thrash and struggle but in the confusion and desperation of being drowned, I couldn't quite escape his iron grip. More seconds ticked by and I continued to fight, waiting for the burn in my lungs to appear and grow unbearable as the oxygen left my body.

Oxygen. Did vampires even need oxygen?

I pondered. I waited, and stilled my thrashing, realization slowly dawning on me. As soon as I ceased struggling, Emmett stopped, and pulled me up and out of the water with him and over to the shore. He was shaking with laughter as he set me down, hardly able to speak through the hilarity in his own mind.

"By the way," he choked out between snorts, "vampires don't need to breathe."

Oh he was funny. He was very, very funny. I growled and flew at him, knocking him to the ground in one movement. I held him there, face down straddling his back, twisting both of his large hands in mine. Without the element of surprise and terror, it was obvious I was much stronger than him and definitely had the advantage in this position. I twisted his wrists a little more.

"They don't need to jack off either," I pointed out, "but I'm fairly sure you would like to again."

He stopped laughing.

***********************************

We made the trip back to the Cullen house is companionable silence, occasionally giving each other sly competitive glances and chuckling. It had been a nice day and it felt good to laugh and smile and forget about the real world for a while.

As we approached the house, I immediately smelled Edward and was both intrigued and annoyed by the flutter of excitement that flared within me at realizing he was back. We found him, Alice, Rosalie and Jasper waiting for us behind the house as we approached. Alice looked smug, and Edward looked…anxious.

"See…I told you they were fine Edward, since when do you doubt me," Alice remarked and ran to meet us. "Sorry about the river thing Bella, I didn't see that coming until it was too late." She chattered on leading me toward the house. "We really need to get you a cell phone. And look at your clothes!"

Jasper smiled warmly as we approached, "Looks like you two had a good time." He looked pleased.

I returned his smile. I felt lighter, and knew it wasn't from his influence at the moment. "We did," I confirmed, "Emmett spent the day showing me the joys of being a vampire."

"It was awesome!!" Emmett bellowed, "And she is a feisty one!"

He winked at me and grabbed my shoulder, shaking lightly.

I growled playfully, smacking his hand away.

Alice rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Getting wet and dirty is _not_ my idea of fun, just wait until I take you shopping Bella. Oh, and you're going to _love_ driving."

"That reminds me," Edward chirped, standing next to me now. "I have a surprise for you."

My eyebrows rose.

"Come on," he added and motioned for me to follow him as he crossed the grass at human speed toward the side of the house to one the outbuildings.

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My eyes scanned the cars in the massive garage. BMW, Jeep, Porsche, Mercedes, Volvos. Volvos? Two shiny new Volvos sat alongside the ranks of Cullen cars that I was already familiar with, one grey, and one midnight blue. The blue one had a bright red bow fixed to the hood.

"Well?" Edward beamed while ushering me toward the car with the bow.

Hmm. I wasn't meaning to seem ungrateful but...really? A Volvo? My mom might drive a Volvo. Or…my accountant cousin Jill. On second thought, even my cousin Jill was too cool to drive a Volvo. Her also accountant husband Lee would drive a Volvo for sure. But not me. It didn't suit me at all. I wrinkled my nose.

"A Volvo?" I asked, not sure if I should even try to fake a smile.

Edward appeared puzzled. "I assumed you would like having the same car as me."

My eyes narrowed, as I turned to face the obnoxious, cocky vampire.

"You make a lot of assumptions Edward," I seethed, and turned on my heel darting back into the house and up to my room slamming the door.

Rosalie snickered. "See, I'm not the only one who thinks you have no taste in cars."

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**_A/N - What's that?? *sniff* *sniff* Ahh yes, there is a lemon scent to the air...Hmm...wonder what the next chapter has in store for us...oh wait, I know. Hee hee._**

**_Love the reviews folks...LOVE THEM. Keep em' coming!_**


	15. Friction

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward. Or Twilight. Or any of the money that comes with owning those things. I do however own a shiny laptop and a hot Aussie Goddess, both of which bring me much happiness.**_

_**This lemon-creme filled chapter is dedicated to the girls who hang with me on the Twilighted forums, and always stop by the C&C thread to leave me love and say nice things. My girl Lea, Jill - the queen of subtle and wielder of the great red pen, My good friend and beta extraordinaire- Lillie,Taffy, Jen, Amy, Militza,Kia- who brings the bounce to the board,Jenny- who is an awesome friend, and Julie- who shares my Friday night Mafia connections and wouldn't let me forget to write this chapter. You guys make me smile. **_

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**BPOV**

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

The headboard pounded relentlessly into the wall, hammering out a rhythm impossible to ignore.

"Fuck yeah baby, just like that."

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Would it ever end? I shifted in my seat for the thousandth time, trying to pretend I couldn't hear them. Trying to pretend it wasn't arousing the hell out of me.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang

"Ohhhhhh fuck. Yeah Rose, that's fucking awesome baby, keep doing that. Ahhhhh," Emmett's booming voice had no problem penetrating through the very foundation of the house, let alone just up through the floor. He may as well have been in the room with me for as clear as I could hear him.

I reached over and grabbed my iPod from the desk, and mashed the little buds into my ears, fiddling with it until something loud came blaring through the speakers. It was no use. My vampire hearing made it impossible to ignore them, even through the noise.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Crash, bang.

_Great_, I thought to myself, _now they're breaking the furniture. Show offs._

I turned up the volume, all the way, and threw myself on the bed, covering my head with a pillow.

The bangs and moans and pleads and words of passion were still there…muffled, but audible.

I needed to try something else. I'd heard that a cold shower could do wonders for this particular problem, and thought maybe the sound of the water would help drown out the loud monkey vampire sex that seemed to last all night long. I threw on a t-shirt and made my way hastily to the bathroom.

As I opened the door I was hit with moisture and heat. Steam. Someone was in the shower. I stepped through the door, closing it behind me. My immortal eyes could see through the wall of steam as if it were transparent. It was Edward. In. The. Shower. He was fully visible through the solid glass shower wall, and completely wet.

He stood, facing me with his right arm extended above his head, propping himself against the glass wall, and his left hand wrapped firmly around his swollen cock, stroking it slowly. Our eyes locked, and he smirked, but made no attempt to stop or hide his actions. My breath caught, as a bolt of raw arousal shot through me, starting in the pit of my stomach and ending between my legs.

I dropped the iPod, and barely noticed the ear buds being pulled out of my ears as it landed with a soft thud on the plush carpeting. My eyes were locked with Edward's. His eyes were black fire -- smoldering, fierce, and unbelievably beautiful.

My desire possessed me, consumed me as I stared, transfixed by his sculpted form, wet, tense and aroused. I was overcome. I knew I should leave, but my instincts were taking over and I doubt I could have forced myself from that room. My yearning held me there, captive to the scene. I backed up slowly, my feet trying desperately to do the right thing. He had hurt me, betrayed me. I couldn't give in to him. I couldn't let him control me.

My back hit the closed bathroom door, and I slid down the wall, sitting on the floor, still entranced by his beauty and enslaved by my own heightened arousal. It was so much more intense than I remembered. Human arousal held nothing to the intensity of the responses and longings of my new body. I could feel every part of me reacting, my clit enlarging as wetness pooled between my legs. I was a slave to my needs. I had done well at controlling other impulses, but arousal in the face of a naked, wet, stroking Edward was more than I could resist. I knew I would stay. I'd hoped I would be strong enough to stay away. He didn't deserve me but my body ached for his touch.

He continued working his length, gliding his hand up and down in a slow steady rhythm as the hot water cascaded in ripples down his body. My eyes traced the path of the droplets over his chiseled chest and watched them snake their way through the contours of his rippled abdomen. His chest heaved with his labored breathing, which had doubled in pace since I'd entered. I met his eyes again, and they looked at me, into me with an intensity I had never seen. They begged me to stay, and urged me to understand, and promised their patience in the process. He was powerful. He was vulnerable. He was completely exposed. I shouldn't want to stay. I couldn't leave.

Impossibly, my arousal grew, consuming me further. It clouded every rational thought I had struggled to gain and conquer. I had managed to get a grip on my anger and fear, but the raw lust and primal urge of my desire engulfed me, swallowing me completely.

My aching core cried out for contact, for release and I slid my hand down my body, sliding it easily under the elastic of my panties. As soon as my fingers touched my swollen bundle of nerves the fire in me sparked and flared, igniting a frenzy of sensation I was completely unprepared for, and absolutely in awe of. The pleasure was intense, amazing, and unlike anything I had ever known. A current of raw energy coursed through my veins, through my very soul as my fingers began circling the sensitive nub slowly. My head fell back against the door and I bit my lip.

Edward's head fell back too, and his tempo increased, his hand now fisting his swollen cock tightly and completely. His long, pale fingers were wrapped around his wet length demanding my attention, and I couldn't will my eyes away. I knew what those fingers could do...I remembered how they felt…inside of me. I groaned softly as my fingers pressed harder, kneading my clit with a heightened frenzy.

A deep vibration coursed through my body, startling me for a moment until I realized it was coming from within me. It started deep in my chest, as a soft purr and grew in frequency and strength until it was a full rumble. I recognized the sound from the night I had been with Edward. He made the same sound. It felt good, primal, and powerful.

Our eyes locked again, and I then I heard it. Edward's chest vibrated lightly with the same tremors, the rumbling growing into a low growl. He began to stroke harder, faster as his eyes travelled downward, and fixed on my hand, moving underneath the thin fabric of my panties. His head rolled back again, and his eyes closed and he groaned -- a breathy, growl-like groan that was my undoing.

It called to me, beckoning me to him, a primal mating call that was impossible to ignore. Abruptly I was standing, then moving, propelled forward by instinct. Drawn to him. Wanting to be closer, needing to be one. Suddenly I was in front of him, the two of us mere inches apart, separated only by the thick glass.

I leaned against the glass, my hand resting opposite his, and I could feel the warmth of it penetrate the glass and seep into my cold skin. The water had warmed it, and feeling the heat radiate through his hand, to mine only served to stir the flames within me. His eyes were locked on mine again, and I imagined mine were the same black fire as his. Our breathing synchronized, our pleasure growing mutually as our hands continued their motions against our most pleasurable places.

It felt so natural, so right. Just the way it would have been, the way it should have been.

Our eyes remained fixed on each other, locked in silent negotiation; asking, answering, pleading.

_More_, his eyes pleaded.

_Not now_, mine responded to his silent yearning. _Not yet. _

_Share this with me, _his dark fire urged.

_Take what I give_. My eyes answered. _It's all I can offer._

We both understood, yet we both wanted more. He wanted all of me. I wanted to be able to give it, without regret or hostility. Neither would receive their prize tonight. Yes, we both understood. We had this moment, and we would give and take what we could.

The sensations were building in me, coiling and tensing and growing to an unimaginable peak.

Edward's right hand tensed against the wall, his fingers pressing into the glass as his body stiffened further. His other hand, furiously pumping, slowed slightly, but tightened around his fully swollen length, as hips began thrusting forward to meet his strokes. The black in his eyes grew even deeper, as his growling intensified, filling the room with the guttural sound. My actions quickened, as did my breaths, as I breathed in his scent, letting it surround me. My hips gyrated against my hand, instinctively matching the rhythm of his motions. My own hand flexed against the glass, our fingertips now aligned as our dance intensified, nearing its conclusion. The pressure built; not just in my core now, but spreading through my entire body. I cried out, and Edward responded. His fist pumped once more and then slowed as the growling suddenly stopped, replaced by a whimper of longing and despair and…hope.

"Bella," he breathed, and found his release.

The pressure building within me burst, and an intense pleasure I never dreamed possible coursed through me, gripping my body and senses in a frenzy of passion and euphoria. I cried out sharply as my entire body tensed and reacted, flexing and writhing against my fingers. The hand against the glass tensed a small flicker really, but it was too much for the fragile barrier. With a loud crack, the glass gave way.

The crash was deafening as the tempered glass shattered and crumbled, falling in a puddle of small crystal pebbles that gathered in a pool around our feet. Our eyes remained fixed, our breathing ragged, as our hands hovered in the air just centimeters apart. It was too much. I wanted him. I hated him. He loved me. He'd hurt me. I had to get away.

I lowered my hand and took a step back, breaking the trance, and watched as his black eyes began fading back to the rich golden color of honey. My feet moved, carrying me backwards, further from him, each step replacing the distance I had been so careful to keep, reestablishing my emotional boundaries. I had to, because I knew it then. I couldn't deny the way my body responded to his. Edward had me. He had my body, but he did not have my heart. I couldn't give it to him. To do so would be betrayal -- betrayal to myself and betrayal to the ones he stole me from. I could never hug my mother again, or cook dinner for Charlie. I would never again make Angela smile, or be able to tell her goodbye. I owed it to them to do the right thing. I owed them my strength.

I turned from him, picking up the iPod and walking toward the door. My hand gripped the knob and I paused, still feeling his eyes on me. With my head down, I spoke softly, but with conviction. I had no doubt he would hear me, but he needed to grasp my words, and feel my resolve.

"This doesn't change anything."

I turned the knob and left the room, closing the door behind me.

**EPOV**

_Oh yes, it does_. I thought_. This changes everything. _

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_**A/N - I was a neglectful author, and didn't respond to many reviews last time. Part of the problem was FF being a bitch, but mostly real -life just got in the way. I want you guys to know that I appreciate EACH and EVERY review, and if you were offended by my lack of response, feel free to leave me a review, and bitch about it. I can take it. :) -- And to those of you alerting and fav'ing and not reviewing...I appreciate you guys too. And...It's never too late to start.**  
_


	16. Compunction

**_Disclaimer: Not mine. _**

**_Thanks again Lillie Cullen for being my beta queen and an all around good soul. LOVES YA BB._**

**_So- You guys wanted an EPOV, Jill wanted Emmett's reaction to the broken shower, and Lea just wants Emmett. I give you all three!  
_**

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**EPOV**

"Holy Fuck!!" Emmett's booming voice called from the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes.

"You're a vampire dude, don't you know better than to fuck her against a glass wall?" He snickered.

I would never live this down. Although he and Rose broke things all the time during their sessions, I was usually more…careful. Though technically it was Bella who had broken the glass, I wasn't going to allude to that, as she had enough on her plate without having to endure Emmett's teasing. And besides, I rather enjoyed our shower time activities and wouldn't mind the possibility of that occurring again. Emmett harassing her about breaking things may put a damper on that and cause Bella to hold back. And I didn't want her to hold back. Ever.

I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps coming down the hall. I spoke before he reached the door.

"Go away."

He didn't.

"Nice work dude!" He taunted as he came barreling through my door and flopped himself down on the sofa across the room from where I sat at my desk. "Esme is going to be pissed off."

I sighed and turned the page of the book I was reading. "Alice already purchased another shower door. I will install it tomorrow." I replied without looking up.

"Huh" Emmett pondered. "It would have been nice of her to warn you, so you could have used the bed or something instead."

I said nothing.

"Oh come on…you had a good time, you should be happy. What the hell is wrong with you?" Emmett looked to me intently in a way that let me know he wasn't going to drop it. And, he wasn't going to leave either. I didn't need to read his thoughts to know that. I also could tell that he knew exactly what happened between Bella and me in the bathroom.

I sighed.

_You thirsty? _He thought.

I shook my head. It had only been a couple days since I'd hunted with Bella, and I didn't like leaving her any more than necessary. I would wait for her to go again.

_Let's go_. _I wanna hunt_. Emmett persisted.

I didn't respond.

_Give Bella some time dude. She'll be here when you get back._

He was right. She would need some time and I knew that she wasn't going to want to see me for while anyway.

"Fine," I agreed begrudgingly, slamming the book closed. He wasn't going to relent, and I really could use the distraction.

"All right!" He exclaimed triumphantly. "Let me tell just tell Rose we're leaving and we'll take off."

"Pussy whipped," I mumbled under my breath, already feeling a bit lighter.

_Jealous much? _He responded, obviously reading me like a book.

***

Running felt good, and helped clear my head. Emmett was one of my favorite people to run with. His mind was fairly quiet as he moved through the forest quickly and quite gracefully for such a big guy. He enjoyed the speed too, and was happy to give himself over to the experience as we pushed each other faster and faster.

We hunted separately, and then met up again on a big boulder jutting out of the side of the embankment overlooking the river. I knew this spot. This was Emmett's thinking place. And, I gathered from his thoughts, the very place him and Bella had sat just two days earlier. We sat, side by side watching the river run, in exactly the way they had.

Emmett smiled and played through their day together in his mind, knowing I would enjoy seeing Bella having fun. And I did. I watched her run through the trees with her arms spread, feeling the air rush past her, as she looked over her shoulder at Emmett challenging him to catch her. I saw her jump over the river, laughing and glowing as she marveled at the way her body could move. I watched her hunt and noted how much more efficient she had already become. And I rolled with laughter as I saw Emmett pull her into the river and her subsequent threat to one of his favorite pastimes. He laughed with me, and our voices mixed and echoed through the still night air. The memories were a breath of fresh air. Bella was powerful and graceful and absolutely stunning. I didn't think Emmett would ever realize the gift he gave me with those thoughts.

"She's way too good for you man," he teased.

I raised an eyebrow at him. I could throw him into the river just as well as Bella had.

He just chuckled and shook his head. "Seriously though dude, she's awesome. Even Rose kinda thinks so. And that's saying a lot."

It was saying a lot. Rosalie didn't like change and she didn't like outsiders, and Bella was both.

His eyes became serious.

_You really screwed it all up man._

I nodded.

_You're gonna have to work your ass off to win her back, bro._

I nodded again. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Look…" Emmett angled himself toward me as he spoke."You loved her as a human…she needs to know that. She needs to know you respect the human Bella. You took that from her. Show her that it wasn't because you didn't value it."

I looked at him, and nodded for him to continue.

"Dude, you should have seen her face when she found out you were at school. That shit is a chore to us, but man, it was important to her."

Damn. I hadn't thought of that.

"Have you been watching Dr. Phil again?" I asked, chuckling to lighten the mood.

"Naw, I can't stand that guy. He's a tool." He wrinkled his nose, and then chuckled. "Hey...you guys should do lunch."

My fist shot out quickly and I relished the thump Emmett's body made as it hit the damp earth below us.

His booming laugh broke the silence and soon I was laughing with him. He was truly a brother to me, in every way that mattered.

Emmett had surprising depth. Beneath the humorous exterior, the big guy really did know what the deal was. He saw things. He paid attention. He understood. We each had something we brought to the table. Each had a gift or contribution to offer. Alice was the enthusiasm. Jasper the strength. Carlisle was our foundation, and Esme, the caregiver. Rose brought the bitch, and we all loved her anyway. Emmett was strong, but he was also the glue; the soul of the family. He loved this family, and his part in it. His commitment was unwavering and complete. He saw how we worked, and would do anything to keep us all together. And he knew Bella was a key piece of the puzzle. Bella completed me, and completed our family. She was essential.

I could see how my actions would give the impression that I didn't value her human life at all. She didn't know how much I adored her humanity. She had no idea the way the blush in her cheeks made my still heart soar, or that the beating of her heart had become the sound my whole existence revolved around. And more than that, she didn't know that the way she loved and cared for the humans in her life made me want to love her that way and care for her always.

We sat a while longer before the pull was too much. I had to be near Bella again, even if it was just down the hall. Emmett knew better than to give me a hard time about it. He agreed to head back with no resistance. It wouldn't have mattered; I would have gone with or without him.

***

I heard Alice's thoughts as I approached the house.

_Edward, I replaced the shower door while you were gone. Bella is in her room, you should leave her be until tomorrow. At least._

I watched through Alice's mind as the images of different scenarios flickered and changed. Yes, Bella wouldn't be receptive to seeing me until tomorrow. But Carlisle would speak to her soon, and that had something to do with her aversion to me tonight. Tomorrow would definitely be better.

I nodded in thanks as I passed her sprawled on the couch flipping through a fashion magazine. She met my eyes and smirked.

_You're welcome for _that _too._ She glared, slightly irritated, more amused.

I chuckled. Yes, I did have Alice to thank a bit for my encounter with Bella. When I had decided to take a shower, I heard her squeak and block her thoughts quickly. And she was right to. As I heard Bella's door open and her hurried footsteps toward the bathroom door, I didn't stop what I was doing, or even slow my actions. I was always much more…impulsive when aroused, as most vampires were. And I was extremely aroused then, and thinking of her. I _wanted_ her to see me. I wanted to see _her_. I wanted her to join me.

On the way to my room I listened closely as I passed Bella's room. The faint sound of loud music drifted through her closed door. I focused on the sound emanating from the tiny buds of her iPod . Ah-angry music.

Anger was common in a newborn vampire, and under the circumstances Bella really was doing exceptionally well. Her newborn control was impressive, and improving daily and she seemed to have escaped many of the common newborn issues. I wondered how she would handle being around humans? We would need to start working on her blood lust soon, especially if we were planning to stay in Forks for a while.

I kicked off my shoes and lay across the massive, unnecessary bed that served as a reminder of the best night of my life - though that title was closely followed by the activities of the night before in the bathroom. It really did change everything. I now knew that she felt it too. Instinct. Urge. A primal drive pulling us together. The way our bodies spoke to each other was undeniable. She could be angry all she wanted. Years if she must. But it was there, and she knew it too. We belonged together.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of Carlisle's phone chiming softly from the floor below.

_Edward, _he thought. It wasn't needed; he already had my attention.

_It's Charlie. _

And now, he would keep it.

He flipped open his phone.

"Chief Swan, It's good to hear from you, how have you been?"

_Been better Dr. Cullen, thanks for asking. _

"I hope you're calling with news, tell me you found her."

_I'm afraid not. We did find some articles of clothing she was wearing that night about a mile downstream. They were torn and scattered in a trail leading up into the woods. It would appear….that an animal may have found her body before we did. _His voice broke as his composure waivered.

"I'm so sorry."

_Thank you. We have called off the search. If there is a bear or mountain lion in the area I don't want my men coming across it and anyone else getting hurt. There will be a memorial service on Wednesday at 2:00 o'clock._

"We'll be there."

_How is Edward? _

"He's alright I suppose. He is coping with the situation in his own ways. He really feels terrible about what happened. He feels responsible."

_Yeah…well…I suppose he would._

I listened mentally and audibly as my creator and my should-be-father-in-law discussed the death of the woman I loved - the woman I'd killed. They'd recovered the car; they had found the clothing and traces of Bella's hair. Alice had done her part well. They had given up the search for a body they would never find because she was sitting in the room down the hall, listening to angry music and wishing she could turn back the clock. I really had stolen her. The men talked, engaged in a delicate dance. To Charlie, they were two fathers, bound by a tragedy in which one's child survived and one didn't. To Carlisle, they were victim and perpetrator. Although Carlisle was not the one to deliver the bite to Bella, he created the immortal who did and for that, I knew, he felt responsible.

Carlisle's tone was even and sure and dripped with compassion. He played his role well though to him, it wasn't a role at all. He was doctor, a nurturer and healer, and he was trying to heal Charlie's soul in a way that wasn't possible. And he was trying to soothe his own conscience. My actions had broken them both.

"Please Charlie, let me know if there is anything we can do."

_Will do Carlisle, take care._

His phone clicked shut and he sat in silence for a moment, his thoughts flashed rapidly and were jumbled.

_Edward. I'm going to speak with Bella, and it's best if I do it alone._

He was telling me to give her space, to give _him_ space. And I would respect that. He did however call to Jasper, and asked him to be nearby. Good idea.

I listened as his footsteps ascended the stairs and he stopped in front of Bella's door. His knock startled her, but she recovered quickly. Of course she did; she was strong, well controlled.

Carlisle was gentle, and compassionate. He talked and Bella listened. It was brief. He told her that Charlie had called and that there would be a memorial service for her on Wednesday. He informed her, he consoled her, and he comforted her. And at one point, he held her. It should have been me. After he left and she was alone again, her tearless, broken sobbing pierced through me; tearing and searing at the edges of my soul. I was a monster and she was right. I didn't deserve her.

But I had her now. And I would work to keep her. It was all I could do.

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**_A/N - You reviewers ARE AWESOME!! The last chapter had the highest number of reviews yet, and I'm going to keep telling myself that it's because you guys love me and my story, and not just cause I put a naked Edward stroking in the shower. Whatever gets me through right? Thank you sincerely to everyone who left a review, and/or sent a PM - as always, you guys keep me smiling, and keep me writing. :)_**


	17. Intoxication

_**Disclaimer: All things twilight and Edward are not mine. And I, of course, wish they were.**_

_**Thanks to Lillie Cullen for being my super-beta!  
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_**And a special thanks to my girl Lea for supplying me with Tim Tams, which gave me the necessary sugar rush to finally get this chapter written!**_**  
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BPOV

"Move your rook; otherwise you're going to lose it." Jasper's voice was calm and playful.

"Isn't the idea of a game to _beat_ your opponent?" I joked. He smiled easily and obviously didn't know that I _planned_ to lose my rook, in order to gain his queen. Seven moves from now.

I was certainly enjoying my enhanced vampire brain. I had always been a thinker, but now my brain could handle so much_ more. _

Alice snickered. Of course she would see just what I was planning. I would have to remind myself not to play chess with her around in the future, Jasper knew her too well and adjusted his strategy accordingly, bypassing the rook I left there for the taking.

It had been three days since the night with Edward in the bathroom. I expected things to be awkward between us. I expected him to be smug and self righteous, and to look at me like he had conquered me, but he didn't. If anything he looked at me with more softness than before, and a deeper understanding. I wondered what had changed him from the smirking, cocky vampire who watched me leave the bathroom that night. The one whose expression was riddled with triumph and victory. We spoke only in passing and mostly only when necessary. I watched him leave in the morning for school from the top of the stairs and both days, he had paused at the door and turned to meet my eyes. There was an unspoken sentiment there. They were mournful and gentle. I could tell he didn't want to leave me, but there was something more there in his expression. Something I couldn't quite grasp.

I continued studying the chessboard, deliberating my new strategy. On the third floor, Edward's door opened and closed and he descended the stairs quickly.

I barely noticed Alice's eyes shift, ever so slightly, in Edwards's direction. Had I not been a vampire, I would have missed this very subtle movement entirely.

"Your move," she chimed to me, smiling sweetly. Sneaky girl, she was up to something.

Edward crossed the room, stopping in front of the grand piano. He paused there, looking at the elegant instrument with uncertainty and …sadness. He was torn, and unsure. He looked to Alice again, and she nodded slightly, the corners of her mouth turning up into a knowing smile.

Edward blew out a gusty breath, pulled out the bench and sat down. His hands hovered for a moment before coming down quickly, striking the first chord.

From the moment his fingers touched the smooth keys I was entranced. As they gingerly stroked the keys, coaxing the first notes, his eyes closed and his head bowed, and the music just flowed from him. The room was full of the song that was vaguely familiar, which started out sweetly, almost playfully as his fingers moved lithely and his body began to sway in time with the melody. I was drawn to the sound, pulled into the dance of his fingers and body, intimately entwined with the ivory and strings as he continued to play, the intricate harmony slowly building and mixing with the melody to create the most delicious sounds and sensations.

As the tempo increased, so did his movements and intensity. His body moved in time with the music, rocking and swaying as his foot tapped the rhythm and his head dipped and nodded. His face tensed and relaxed with the emotion pouring out of him and the song reached a crescendo, building in an unstoppable fervor. The passion was obvious, in the music and in Edward. He stroked the keys tenderly, but surely, as his hands moved at an impossible speed, drawing the music from deep within him. He didn't play with his hands, he played with his soul. My breath caught, and I held it, transfixed by the power and beauty of his performance.

And as his heart seeped out through each note he played and every chord he struck, I saw him. Edward. Not the boy in the crowd I had watched. Not the cocky vampire who had claimed me. But Edward. His soul. His spirit. His essential being. And he was beautiful.

The melody changed, slowing, conveying a sense of longing and desire. Edward's face relaxed, his jaw loosening as his brow smoothed and his cheeks drooped. The movements of his fingers became smoother, softer, each stroke of the keys a caress; coaxing the sound from them gently. And when he had touched the last key, playing the final note, his fingers lingered there, as the sound faded slowly, leaving the room feeling empty, and incomplete. Edwards's music had moved me, spoken to me, and filled a part of me. Without the notes I felt bare.

When the last of the sound had gone, his hands dropped to his lap, and he bowed his head, sitting for a moment, defeated, as if the melody had taken all of his strength to create. His eyes opened slowly, and he turned to me. Love and sorrow and longing poured from the golden depths of his eyes.

It was then that I realized that I hadn't moved since his fingers touched the first key. A rustling behind me drew my attention and I turned to see Esme standing at the top of the stairs smiling sweetly toward Edward. Her smile was full of adoration and pride. She met my gaze and her smile deepened. She loved me too. Already, she loved me too.

I smiled back, and felt warmth from within my cold depths.

The sound of the piano bench moving pulled me back to Edward who had stood and had moved to be near me, standing next to where I sat, still in front of the chessboard.

"Now what are you going to do with that Rook?" He asked playfully. "Might I make some suggestions?"

"No" Alice and Jasper answered in unison, and we all laughed.

Emmett's heavy footsteps on the stairs caught my attention and he winked as our eyes met. He moved to flank my other side, opposite Edward, and also looked down at the board.

"I wouldn't worry so much about that Rook baby girl, your bishop is in a world of shit over there." He said, motioning to the piece in question.

Jasper groaned, and Alice sighed, and I knew that Emmett had given sound advice.

As I moved my bishop to a safer location I barely caught the subtle movement of Jasper's eyes swiftly back and forth between Emmett and Edward standing on each side of me.

"Is it time then?" he asked, and I couldn't help but notice the way he tensed slightly, his jaw clenching and grinding very subtly, as his brow furrowed minutely.

I looked between the two vampires at my sides. Edward nodded toward Jasper then looked to me with an unreadable expression. He seemed…anxious. They each set a hand on my shoulder, as I heard Carlisle's gentle footsteps at the top of the stairs.

"Don't hurt me Bella," Emmett snickered.

"What's going on?" I tried to ask, but before the phrase could leave my mouth, my body was possessed, overcome completely; no longer my own.

The fire in my throat flared, raging in an overwhelming inferno of need and fury. A snarl ripped through my lips, and I thrashed, suddenly on my feet, but being restrained. I pushed and pulled against the forces holding me, clawing and snapping toward the source of my fixation. The smell. The incredible, delicious and completely all consuming smell. It was unlike any sensation I had ever known. It called to me, it demanded me. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else would ever matter. I kicked at the chains holding me back, denying me the only heaven I would ever need.

The fire flared again, and venom seeped from my mouth, running down my chin as I continued growling and thrashing, desperate to find the source, to fill my need, to sate the thirst so intense it threatened to destroy me.

I saw it then, through my haze of manic confusion and need. Carlisle stood at the foot of the stairs holding a clear bag full of red fluid. I snarled again, straining against the iron bars gripping me, desperate to reach the fluid, to bite into it and draw the liquid ecstasy down my fiery throat. I snapped at the bars, and thrashed frantically, but made no purchase against the restraints, refusing my need.

I could have been minutes, it may have been hours, but I struggled on. Eventually, voice broke through my frenzy, distant at first, but growing in volume and clarity as time passed.

"Fight it Bella, gain control."

What was I supposed to be fighting? I _was_ fighting, with all my might. The bars wouldn't loosen. I still couldn't reach the fluid promising relief from the inferno raging within me.

"I think she's coming around."

"Fuck, she bit me!"

The bars holding me, felt like…arms…Edward… maybe and more.

"Bring it closer Carlisle."

"Bella, you have to control it. Keep trying."

I growled and roared and struggled fruitlessly.

"I have to have it. Let me go!!!" A voice snarled viciously. I realized it was mine.

The arms restraining me held firm. There was one set around my chest, another around, my hips, and a third, holding my head on either side.

"It's blood Bella. It's human blood, you have to fight the urge."

Edward's voice. Human blood. It was human blood. Realization crept in, but didn't lower the intensity. I didn't care. I would never drink from another animal. There was no substance on the earth that could satisfy to me the way the red nectar in that bag could. I would hunt every human on the planet. I would never get my fill.

"It's diminishing," Jasper spoke. Strained but controlled.

"Keep trying, Bella. Hold your breath. Gain control."

Control. I _did_ want control. But I wanted the blood more.

The snarling had subsided, and was replaced with just a deep growling, as I continued to strain against the arms holding me.

I could see them all now…as my vision refocused and thought slowly began to return.

Carlisle stood, just feet from me, holding the bag of blood, of my salvation, and he was…smiling at me? Why was he smiling? I was picturing ripping him to pieces in order to get the blood, and he was smiling at me.

I hissed, long and slow, and gnashed my teeth toward him.

"It's okay, I know it's hard, nearly impossible, but you are strong and I know you _can _overcome this," Carlisle spoke calmly and his words were sure. He was confident I would be able to resist the instincts urging, demanding me to drink the red gold. Perhaps I could… if I wanted to. But I didn't.

My breaths came in hissing pants through my clenched teeth drawing in the intoxicating aroma with each breath, stirring the flames scorching my throat. I held my breath, desperate to ease the torment.

"That's it, Bella...good...hold your breath it will help." Carlisle moved closer to me, still holding the bag.

I expected the torture to intensify, but it stayed constant, not relenting, not getting worse; almost...manageable.

"Coming down further," Jasper murmured behind me, "very impressive." It was him holding my face.

"Don't try to speak, Bella," Jasper instructed quietly. "You may instinctually try to breathe before speaking. Just nod."

I nodded, and noticed the growling had stopped. My body began to relax, and it was only then that I realized how tightly I was tensed against their grip. Every muscle in my body was coiled and taut.

The pull toward the blood was still present, but lessened. I could think around it. I could…resist it, if I concentrated very hard. So I did. I wanted to see if I could resist the blood.

I continued to hold my breath and worked to relax my body further, and as I did, the arms holding me loosened. Jasper exhaled sharply, relief evident in the gesture.

"Well done," Edward whispered, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I was doing it. I was gaining control.

When I was completely relaxed, their arms slackened, barely touching me as they remained wrapped around my body. I closed my eyes, drawing images of other things, ignoring my body's siren call and the insatiable thirst assaulting my throat.

"We're going to release you now," Jasper warned. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. I'd hoped I was.

Their arms dropped slowly, tentatively, and I remained fixed in my place, despite the freedom to now pursue my obsession. I kept my eyes closed until I was sure I would not move.

Slowly, I opened them, and was met with Carlisle's proud smile, reaching across his face and lighting his eyes as he spoke. "Very good Bella, that was very good. It only took you three hours to gain control. That's impressive for a first exposure. It won't last though, you will need practice."

I nodded.

"I'm going to take this out of the room now, try to stay where you are."

I nodded again.

Carlisle carried the bag back up the stairs. The blood left the room, taking my frenzy with it. I collapsed onto the floor, spent and overwhelmed.

"She should hunt," Jasper suggested, and I needed to. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to resist the urge to fly up the stairs and tear the house apart in search of that precious fluid. I needed to leave, get some air, and drink some blood.

Emmett helped me to my feet, and I followed him, Jasper and Edward out the door and across the river in the opposite direction of the only sustenance by body was truly craving.

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_**A/N - Reviews sing to me like bags of blood to a newborn.**_


	18. Convocation

_**Disclaimer: Not mine.**_

**_A/N - Sorry about the delay! This chapter is twice as long as usual, but I resisted the urge to break it into two chapters since you guys have been so patient and the PM's have not yet turned to angry mob status. Well, almost haven't._**

_**As usual, a big thanks to my beta and good friend Lillie Cullen who beta'd this before I had even had a cup of coffee this morning, you rock ! **_**_And a shout out to Julie for helping me come up with the name for the 's not the first time you've dropped everything to sit and throw around 'ion' words with me. I appreciate your help!  
_**

**_And, once again I have to thank my lucky stars for my girl Lea who gives me the "right" brainwaves for writing. Love ya hard babe. Mwah!  
_**

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_Previously:_

_Edward played a kick-ass piano solo and the Cullen's tortured Bella with a bag of blood._

_Everyone up to speed? Excellent...let's continue...  
_

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BPOV

"You could have warned me." My thoughts were still swirling around the bags of blood as we ran through the forest, looking for prey that would only barely satisfy a thirst I now knew would stay with me the rest of my long, immortal lifetime.

Jasper shook his head "No, It's better if you don't see it coming. Blood lust will hit you when you least expect it, knowing how to stop the frenzy when you don't see it coming will be far more beneficial to control that translates to the real world."

Ok, so that made sense. But I still wasn't crazy about being surprised with the blood. But I was even less crazy about my less than lady-like reaction. I didn't like being out of control, and I certainly was just that, out of control. I found myself deeply impressed with the whole Cullen family for being able to stand being around humans at all.

"So, are you guys going to just spring that on me until its gets easier? Carlisle said it would take practice, how does this work now?" I asked.

"No," Jasper chuckled, "we aren't going to blindside you again like that. We just wanted you to have the experience of a completely unexpected encounter. Not only that but it gave me the opportunity to assess your level of control as a newborn." He smiled kindly, and raised his eyebrows. "You did very well Bella. I've seen it take days to get through the first encounter. "

I scoffed. I hadn't felt like I did well, and I'm sure Emmett's thumb would agree. I glanced in his direction and noticed him looking at it yet again. It was perfectly re-fused with just a thin line of a scar. I shrugged and ducked my head apologetically, and he just smiled widely and gave me the thumbs up sign, and wiggled it around to show me that no permanent harm had been done.

Edward changed his pace to run along side me. "He's fine, don't worry. He actually thinks it's kinda cool. He has never witnessed a newborn before."

That made me smile. Of course Emmett would think having a finger bitten off by a frenzied newborn vampire was cool.

"Bella," Jasper continued, "learning control will be mostly up to you from now on. I suggest getting through the next twenty-four hours of resisting the urge to tear the house apart seeking out the blood, and go from there. When you are ready, it works well to keep a bag of blood in the room with you for as long as you can stand. The blood is cold now, after you have successfully gained control over the cold blood, we'll warm it. And when you feel ready, we will try….human interaction."

Just the word _human_ made my mouth fill with venom and the fire in my throat flare. I knew this may always be the case. The thought was not lost on me as we approached the lake and the bitter cauliflower smell of the elk wafted my way. I allowed the scent to pull me, giving my consciousness over to the fluid coursing through the veins of the mighty beast as I began the hunt, stalking, coiling, springing and claiming my prey.

We were all quiet as we ran back to the house, and I wasn't surprised to find that I immediately thought about the bag of human blood, somewhere upstairs as we approached the house. I pushed the thought out of my mind. I could resist. I was determined to conquer this, even though the mere memory of that delectable aroma was enough to set my throat ablaze, despite being uncomfortably full already.

We slipped in the back door, and found Alice standing in the middle of the kitchen. She was dressed in a simple black dress. It was short, but surprisingly modest for Alice. Her bright golden eyes were a stunning contrast to her pale skin and dark hair and dress. In the place of her usual exuberant smile was a more subtle smile; tentative, sad.

"You aren't going Edward. It's for the best, and will work out fine. Carlisle may be a problem though."

I turned to Edward. "Where are you not going?" I asked.

I knew of course. Alice's black dress and somber mood told me all I needed to know. But I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted him to acknowledge it. I was resigned to making the best of my situation, but there was no way I was going to let him off that easy.

His eyes remained locked with Alice's for a few seconds before he turned to me. At first his expression was nervous, guilty. But as I watched his eyes it shifted. A new resolved formed and he turned to face me completely. He reached out with one hand and brushed a stray lock of my hair behind my ear, and then lifted his eyes to meet mine. His hand dropped from my hair, touching my shoulder gently before tenderly brushing down the side of my arm. I wanted to pull away from his touch, but his eyes held me captive. They were full of not just sadness, but bravery. He took a deep breath.

"Today is your memorial service Bella." He paused, but held my eyes, waiting for a reaction.

"And you're not going?" I asked. He shook his head.

Well, wasn't that convenient. Was it too hard for the big bad vampire to see the tears and hear the thoughts of the humans who had loved me? The very humans who I longed to see again.

"You're a coward," I seethed, still holding his eyes; letting him see my anger, and willing him to feel my judgment.

He opened his mouth slightly to say something, then closed it changing his mind. It was probably a good idea too, as my anger was welling up and I found myself struggling to hold control. My jaw clenched and ground as images of my mom and Charlie flooded my mind. They were dressed in black and carrying umbrellas as they stood over an empty grave, or cried next to a stone with my name somewhere that would never rest above my body.

Suddenly, I felt calmer and was not surprised to find the sensation accompanied by the smell of sandalwood and musk.

"Bella," Jasper's smooth voice asked from just behind me," are you okay, darlin'? I can feel your anger clear upstairs."

"No, I'm not okay," I responded while glaring into Edward's eyes. "I'm dead, it appears, and today my friends and family will be crying over an empty casket, or a blank patch of earth, or a rock with my name etched on it, while I sit here being baby-sat by my murderer. No, I'm not okay."

Edward, to his credit, held my gaze. He took it all -- all the anger, resentment, fear, disgust and sadness I poured into my glare. He took it, and held his expression. He knew it was warranted and knew he deserved what I gave him. It gave me a small measure of respect for him. But in that moment I still wished he could read my mind so I could spend the next several hours hurling my thoughts at him, ensuring that he would be as miserable as I was sure to be.

I felt Alice's small hand on my arm. "Come on Bella, let's go upstairs." She began leading me away. "I have something for you."

I followed her up the stairs as she led me into her room, closing the door behind us.

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"Oh my God Alice, where did you get this?" I turned the tiny charm attached to the silver chain around in my fingers. The little silver heart was worn and dull but sparkled in the light in a way that I hadn't remembered. My vampire eyes saw the way the light and the metal interacted in a whole new way.

"There's a memorial for you, down by the river. It was there, along with this."

She handed me a piece of notebook paper that had seen better days. It was warped and water logged and the ink was faded and smeared. But even in the distressed state the paper was in, I could still clearly make out the words on the page, and knew the handwriting immediately. My mother's clumsy and hurried scrawl was as familiar to me as my own.

--

_My dearest Bella,_

_I always felt in my heart that you were meant for great things, things more than this life could offer, and it looks like you really were. This world couldn't hold you._

_Your spirit has moved on to better places, and greater things, and since your body was not found, I can only assume that it exists wherever it is meant to be. _

_I will miss you and think of you everyday, as I cherish the time I was given with you and celebrate the life your soul has completed here. _

_All my love in this life and beyond,_

_Mom_

_--  
_

I would be eternally grateful to Alice for giving me this gift of closure from my mother. I found it comforting that her words were not sorrowful. She was not feeling guilty for the ways she could have been a better mother, or angry with fate for stepping in and taking her only child much too soon. She was letting my spirit go, and wishing me the best in the next life. I was sad for a moment as I realized that she would never know just how much her words had meant to me.

I stared at the small charm in my hand and was flooded with memories of my childhood. The dull silver heart had hung around my mother's neck, for as long as I could remember. As a young child, I would sit on her lap and turn the trinket over in my tiny fingers, rubbing it down to the dull luster that now felt so much like home to me.

I raised my eyes to meet Alice's, certain that if it were possible both our eyes would be full of tears.

"She is going to wear blue today," Alice smiled gently, and my eyes widened. I remembered my mother always complaining about having to wear black to a funeral. She felt that the dead deserved a less depressing environment for the final goodbyes. But I had never actually seen her wear a different color.

Alice, pulled me down, and we sat on the floor together, cross-legged, knee to knee like a couple of school girls, and she held my hands in hers and continued.

"Charlie will wear a black suit, a new one, and he is going to bring a beautiful bouquet of flowers for your mom. He is going to make a speech and will make it all the way to the end before breaking down. All the guys from the Sheriff's Department and the Fire Department will be there to support him, along with the entire Quileute tribe."

I hung on every word like it was a life line. I nodded for her to continue.

"Angela will be there with Ben, she'll have her hair up, and will wear a lovely black skirt ensemble and gorgeous high heels that pinch her feet all day."

I chuckled, Alice shook her head. "She's going to donate them to the Goodwill tomorrow. I wonder what size they are...they are SO cute. "

Her eyes closed for a second and then her nose scrunched up. "Damn, they're too big."

I shook my head, smiling wider.

"Most of the school will be there too." Her eyes narrowed, and her voice took on different tone, as if she was spilling juicy gossip. "Jessica and Lauren will be in the third row, crying and carrying on like they were your best friends." She stopped, nodding and moving closer. "Angela will try very hard to ignore them, but it looks like she will probably say something, tell them to shut the hell up, or something like that." She giggled as she closed her eyes again and watched the scene unfold in her mind.

"Charlie and Renee will sit together, and hold hands. It's very sweet."

This bit of information made me happiest. My parents hadn't been close at all, and although they got along well enough to shuttle me back and forth when needed, I was happy to see that they would share a connection of some sort, even if it had to be in grief. They loved each other enough at some point to get married, and start a family, I was happy to see that they could come together for a day to celebrate and mourn the product of that love.

I listened intently as Alice told me about who would be there and of course what they were wearing, and whether or not it matched the accessories they had chosen to accompany the outfit. The memorial would be held on a hillside, overlooking the river, around a tree that had been planted in my honor. In four weeks a marble header would be put on the spot along with a bench. Alice described the scene in great detail. It was beautiful and absolutely perfect.

We were pulled from our moment by the slamming of a door and raised voices.

"Edward, be reasonable, think of how this will reflect on the family. What am I supposed to tell everyone about why you of all people aren't there?" Carlisle's voice and steps were unusually heavy as they followed Edward's footsteps down the hall and up the stairs toward his room.

"I don't care what you tell them," he replied, coarsely. "Tell them I'm sick; tell them it was too much for me. Tell them whatever they need to hear. It doesn't matter, I'm staying with Bella." His words were punctuated by the sound of his bedroom door slamming.

Alice turned to me and shrugged.

"I guess it's time to go." She leaned forward and pulled me into an embrace, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you Alice," I offered, squeezing her in return.

"I'll see you in a while," she replied as she stood and pulled me to my feet.

As we parted ways at the stairs, me headed for my room, her headed down to join the others who were waiting for her, she smiled slyly over her shoulder. "Don't shred Edward while we're gone, okay?" She winked.

I had assumed she was joking, but the way her eyes went blank for a moment as her brow furrowed made me wonder. But then her eyes refocused and a look of relief flashed in her eyes.

"Alright then," she smiled and disappeared down the stairs.

I walked at human speed up to my room, taking each step slowly as I thought back over the details of my memorial and gently rolled the silver heart around in the palm of my hand. I glanced briefly at Edward's closed door before moving through my own and closing it gently behind me.

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EPOV

I could just picture her on the other side of the closed door. I knew she would be sitting on the floor, looking out the massive window toward the river. I noticed that it was where she liked to sit when she was thinking. I warred with myself as I stood there on the opposite side of her door - an insignificant piece of wood and metal that may as well have been impenetrable.

Should I knock? Would she call to me? Would she let me in? Some days more than others, I wished I could read Bella's mind. After seeing the sorrow in her still crimson eyes through Alice's thoughts, I decided that although it was challenging not knowing if she would be receptive to seeing me, I really didn't want to be in her mind today. Even though I truly deserved to endure every painful thought going through her head.

I knocked softly, which was also unnecessary. There was silence coming from the other side of the door and I knew that Bella was fully aware I was standing there.

The silence continued.

I stood, in a rare moment of uncertainty. I was normally very decisive, in control, but that beautiful woman on the other side of the flimsy piece of wood stripped me completely of my composure and rational thought. Should I knock again? Just enter? Or go away. She hasn't asked me to come in, but she hadn't told me to leave her alone either. I took a deep breath and turned the knob.

"Bella?" I called as my eyes focused immediately on the place on the floor I knew she would be sitting. And she was there. Her soft brown hair flowed down her back in waves, as the light of yet another cloudy day filled the room, dancing off each strand, highlighting the brown and red hues.

She sat with her knees tucked up under her chin, rocking lightly and gazing out the massive window. She looked so small, so vulnerable. So sad. So… broken.

She made no move to acknowledge me, and I decided not to call to her again. It wasn't necessary. The woman I loved with all of my dead heart was curled in a ball on the floor, broken, and I would go to her, at any cost.

I crossed the room and sat next to her, not meeting her eyes, just gazing out in the same direction, silently. I would let her speak first. I waited and was thankful that I didn't have to wait long.

"Will I ever see the sun again?" she asked.

I knew she meant literally, as the sky had been overcast every day since her change, but I couldn't help but see the double meaning. She was asking me about the clouds, but she was also pondering her own adjustment. I had no answer for her on either.

She shifted slightly, and spoke without turning to me.

"Why didn't you go today?"

I would have expected there to be a fair amount of contempt in her statement, maybe accusation. But her voice was empty. I thought carefully over my words before responding.

"I felt I would do you more good here. You shouldn't be alone today. I couldn't have left you to mourn here… by yourself."

I waited for the anger. I braced for the resentment and disgust. But Bella said nothing.

There was a definite feel of mourning in the air. Although the memorial was miles and miles away, the despair and sorrow engulfed the city like a blanket.

Not only were her friends and family saying goodbye to human Bella on a hillside, but we were doing the same. Her and I, here in this moment; we were laying her humanity to rest.

"You were an amazing human Bella," I told her, and made sure she could hear the sincerity in my voice.

"You didn't know me at all," she muttered quietly, again without contempt or anger, just...nothing. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't handle one more second. I would rather her spend eternity hating my very existence, refusing to speak to me or look at me than to see her spend one more second as an empty shell. I had to fix it. I had to make her understand. I had to have Bella back.

"You talked in your sleep," I told her, smiling fondly, and her head turned slightly. Ah yes...she was in there. "Sometimes you would talk about the weather, or your mom. You missed home. A few times you spoke of your grandmother who made you French toast on Sunday mornings, extra syrup, and made the best peanut butter sandwiches. She died when you were nine."

Her eyes widened, but she didn't speak, so I continued.

"You loved roller coasters, but not the Ferris wheel, and once wanted to be a clown when you grew up." She was looking at me now…her eyes full of wonder…and grief. "You made chicken enchiladas for your dad, which he loved, and every time he smells Mexican food, he thinks of you. He can actually cook quite well," I chuckled, "but pretended not to because he knew how good it made you feel to take care of him."

Bella's eyes narrowed for a second, and she almost smiled. Almost. I kept going.

"Angela…" I paused, and Bella noticed, raising her empty eyes to meet mine, pleading for me to continue. "Truly was your best friend. She always had your back Bella, completely," I nodded, making sure she understood. I had countless stories I could tell her about Angela's loyalty to her. I knew I didn't need to though, and I also knew that in time, I would tell her every one.

Her bottom lip quivered, but her eyes softened, showing a spark of longing and …adoration. She missed Angela, deeply.

"She misses you too," I murmured, lowering my eyes to look at her perfect hands, which were now not gripping her knees as tightly. "She still goes to the place of the accident everyday, and talks to you."

Bella inhaled sharply, and I braced for her reaction, but she only shifted, wrapping her arms more tightly around her legs and lowering her eyes. I knew that would be hard for her to hear, but she deserved to know. She deserved to know that her best friend thought of her and felt her loss everyday. I owed Bella that truth.

After a few moments, she raised her perfect face to look at me again. "Ben?" she asked.

I looked deeply into her eyes as a small smile played at the corner of my lips. The love and concern pouring out of her for her best friend was palpable. She was truly selfless when it came to the people she loved. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and hold her close to me. I wanted to embrace her, rock her, kiss her all over. Beg her to forgive me and love me with the same commitment that flowed from her heart for Angela.

I reached up slowly, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, as I gave her one more truth. This truth was easy though. This truth …would set her free.

"Ben is perfect for her," I whispered, holding her gaze, "and loves her deeply. He holds her while she cries, and listens to her like no other. She is his whole world Bella. He is already imagining the way he wants to propose to her."

And then it happened. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly, ever so slightly, but it was there. She almost smiled. It was almost…but it was enough. And then …she cried. Her body seized up, balling into itself as the tearless sobs wracked through her. Her tiny frame shook with the power of the emotions, as it all poured out.

I knew it needed to come. I knew she needed to feel and cope and grieve, and I still felt better seeing her this way than the empty shell she was when I had come into the room.

I sat, just a foot away, but in another world. It wasn't good enough. She deserved more. I reached out, pulling her arms from around her knees gently and slowly. She struggled at first, but quickly relented, releasing her iron grip and allowing me to pull her toward me. I met her halfway, wrapping my body around hers, wishing I could envelope her completely, and protect her. Keep her from ever feeling pain again. I surrounded her as much as I could, and she melted against me. We sat that way until the sobs subsided and her body relaxed. When she pulled away, I let her go. As she moved away our eyes met again, and I saw her familiar light sparkling back at me. It was dim, but it was there, and behind it, gratitude.

Bella resumed her position next to me, but I sat with my body facing hers. She looked out over the river once again, her brow furrowed in concentration and thought. Finally, she spoke, softly, almost unsure, but with enough conviction that I knew she was ready.

"Edward…will you tell me how it happened? How do they think I… died?"

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_**A/N - Reviews make me smile like a goofball :)**_


	19. Fabrication

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight except some posters, nasty tasting sweetheart candy and a set of very well loved books. Everything else belongs to someone else. Someone who refuses to finish Midnight Sun which makes me very very sad._**

**_A/N - As Always thanks to my Super-fly beta Lillie Cullen. The pop tarts are for you Darlin', but you knew that!_**

**_Also - And thanks to those of you who PM'd and bugged me about getting my butt in gear to finish this chapter. This goes out to you!_**

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She asked me how she died, but what she really wanted to know was how we had given her a fresh start, in a life free of death.

I looked into her swirling eyes and saw her sincere desire for the details, the truths that would both haunt and free her. I realized then what an enormous burden death is to a human. Having been an immortal for over 80 yrs, I had forgotten just how significant dying is to the mortal, who count their life span in decades rather than millenniums. They think of it, they fear it, they expend a great deal of effort to avoid it at all costs. I wondered if at some point Bella would be relieved to be free of that burden.

She turned her head and met my eyes. She was waiting for the answers. She had asked how and was waiting for the explanation. And I could tell her. I could tell her how I drove my Volvo off the side of that bridge, being sure to take out a chunk of the guardrail. I could tell her how the car plunged into the icy river and how I looked over my shoulder at her jacket laying in the backseat before climbing out of the rapidly sinking car. I could tell her about how I swam in the frigid water that felt like nothing against my immortal skin for a few moments, imagining the scenario I would later recount, engraining the details of the fabrication into my mind_… Bella was unconscious. I Pulled her from the car. The current and cold overcame both of us and I couldn't keep my grip. I don't know if she was breathing. I'm not sure she was still alive. I tried with all my might to pull her to safety, but the current was too strong and the cold was too much. I lost my grasp. I watched her float downstream then be pulled under. I knew she was gone..._ I could tell her how Alice took her clothes and left them ripped in various places downstream. I could tell her all these details, but as her crimson eyes searched mine asking "What happened?" what she really wanted to know was "How could you?"

What kind of a monster steals a girl in the prime of her youth and then fabricates an elaborate faking of her death to avoid suspicion? What kind of being could then face the stolen girl's family and friends and replay the scene, recounting it with precise detail over and over as he read the thoughts of sadness and grief coming from his audience. I had to admit, it was atrocious and I had never thought of it that way, never seen it through the sad, half empty crimson eyes of the woman I loved. She would always be my whole life, and because of my …lack of control…she was being forced to let go of her entire life, and being asked to start a new one with the monster who took her from her happy place. Fuck, how did everything get so screwed up?

"Um…." I paused. I didn't need to stall, but it was a very human thing to do, pause to gather your thoughts, and I thought she may find it familiar and more sincere.

"There was an accident, and you drowned." I made sure I held her eyes. I wanted to see how she processed the information. I wanted to soak in as much of her physical clues as I could. I had no idea how much she really wanted to know, and I would need to follow her lead, watch her very carefully, to make sure I gave her just what she needed. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm a good swimmer."

"Not when you're unconscious."

She bit her lip and continued to look at me through her accusing eyes for a moment before nodding for me to continue.

I knew this part well. I had said this story a hundred times, recalled it with perfect accuracy, each time recounting the details precisely. I sometimes would change my emotional demeanor to reflect the anticipated response in my questioner's thoughts, but the story never changed. This time I added no emotion. Bella deserved the truest version. The vampire version.

"I found you in my room. We talked, and …kissed. We decided to take a drive, and I was going to take you home afterward. We were having fun, and you wanted to drive. You took the corner too fast, and lost control. We went off the bridge and into the water. You were unconscious; I pulled you from the car but the current was too strong, and the water was so cold. I lost my grip on you, and you were swept away in the rushing water."

I watched her eyes drop downward and shift from side to side as she listened, absorbing the story and no doubt picturing it. I was happy to be blocked from her mind in that moment. Picturing your own death couldn't have been pleasant.

I could see the wheels turning as she rolled the new information around in her mind. Finally, her eyes snapped up, focusing on me.

"Angela?" She asked, almost smugly. She was fitting the pieces together, looking for the gaps.

"Alice told her you had gone with me, and wanted her to pass it along that you wouldn't need a ride home." Bella bit her lip again. "She was very excited for you," I added.

"Angela would have thought that was odd," she accused, still pondering. "I would have found her myself."

I smiled a tiny bit, mostly to myself. "Apparently, you couldn't find her," I offered.

"Your house isn't _that_ big." Her eyes narrowed.

"Perhaps not, but our backyard extends quite a way back to the river. And it appears to have been a nice night for a stroll. "

Her eyes widened as she realized what I was saying. "Yes, Angela and Ben had taken a walk. We didn't plan it that way, but it worked out perfectly for our purposes."

Her brow furrowed a little as some thought crossed her mind. Then her eyes narrowed as she spoke.

"Your purposes?" she asked. "I thought this was an accident." She gestured to herself, obviously referring to her new state of being.

"Oh it was…mostly," I tried to explain, but her eyes narrowed further.

"Mostly?" Her tone was getting angrier.

Of course she was angry. She had every right to be, I had come to realize that. I wanted her to forgive me, but I knew that was a long way off, if it ever happened. I hoped we could start with understanding.

I reached out to take her tiny hand in mine, but she resisted, so I dropped my hand back into my lap.

"Bella…please…I didn't plan to bite you that night." My eyes searched hers, but they didn't change. They continued to look at me, piercing and accusing.

"You didn't mean to _that night?_" She asked. "But you planned to sometime, didn't you?"

She had me there.

"Yes, I did, but I intended it to be ….your choice."

She scoffed, and shook her head. "Seriously? You seriously hoped I would choose to become a vampire?"

I tried. I tried very hard to act like my dead heart wasn't breaking. To pretend the rejection in that statement didn't cut me to the core. I tried, but I must have been unsuccessful because her eyes softened, just a bit as she took in my changed demeanor.

"I liked you a lot Edward." Her voice was soft as she contemplated something I wished I could read in her mind. "I would have liked the chance to know you, and have a…" her eyes dropped and her voice became almost a whisper "boyfriend."

I would never understand the workings of a female mind, despite having access to every one, save the one I most wanted, on the planet. Nor would I ever have any hope of understanding the amount of control that lone exception would have over me. My still heart went from breaking into pieces to soaring with one sentence, when in essence nothing had changed. She wanted me to be her boyfriend. Her _boyfriend_. _Her_ boyfriend. I was offering her an eternity of one-ness, of being a bonded pair. I already knew what I was certain she was beginning to feel and understand. We were two parts of the same. We were fated to be one, as our bodies and souls called to each other and needed to be together. But her freshly vampire mind still thought a lot like a human. In smaller time increments and in the traditions and customs she was familiar with. I remembered what Emmett said about making sure to respect her humanity.

I reached out and ran my fingertips along her cheek. Her eyes rose to meet mine, full of sadness and regret. My hand cupped the side of her face lightly as my thumb traced across her cheekbone. I smiled, lovingly. "I would have very much liked to be your boyfriend Bella."

Her eyes lit up for a moment before hardening again. Oh yes, she was stubborn. But I was persistent, and I was certain my persistence would outlast her resolve.

Bella turned to gaze out window again, breaking our moment, but I felt lighter. As if things were changing between us, subtly, but changing nonetheless. Her wall was weakening as she came to terms with her circumstances and slowly worked to let go of a past she wasn't ready to leave. And I was coming to realize the full implications of my impulse choice that night, and finding ways to make amends and build a foundation for the future I knew we were meant to have.

Suddenly, her head turned and her eyes shone with skepticism as a thought occurred to her.

"My dad's a cop," she stated as she bit her lower lip and ground her jaw in concentration. "He would have checked things out. There would have had to be evidence."

Of course there would need to be evidence, and we had taken care of that.

"There was plenty of evidence," I divulged carefully, not wanting to give more details than she really needed to hear. "And Charlie wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind to head up an investigation of his daughter's death. Things might have been …overlooked."

She was still looking at me so I continued. "What wasn't overlooked was easy to fabricate, and really, not much fabrication was necessary. You were, in fact, in my car and you did sit in the driver's seat… briefly. And some of your hairs were found wrapped around the headrest," Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Uh…yeah…sorry about that," I added.

We sat for a second locked in silence as I watched and waited for her to process this new information. Would she be angry? Would she be sad? The seconds ticked on until she finally did the very last thing I expected. She laughed. Her whole face softened with the unexpected gesture, and her body slowly relaxed its rigid composure.

"You…pulled out my hair??" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

I nodded.

She laughed again.

"Well…that's just perfect."

I wasn't sure what she found so humorous in this bit of information, but I was relieved to see her smiling again, if not a bit worried that it would end with her ripping off some part of my body; most likely one containing hair. But she didn't. She settled back into her previous posture, though slightly more relaxed and looked out over the river again.

So I did the same, and we once again found ourselves in a familiar place, sharing a moment of silence that would stretch into hours. It was inconsequential, but perfect. She was allowing me to be near her, and that was enough. For now.

The others had come home in that time and I watched the memorial service play out in their minds; paying close attention to all the details, storing them for the day Bella would be ready to hear everything. Because slowly her human memories would fade and someday, decades, or perhaps centuries from now she would want to remember her friends and want to know about her human life, and probably, also about her human death. I wanted to store as much of her humanity as I could in my vampire mind, so I could share it with her when that day came.

"The girls are all going to hunt Bella, maybe you would like to go to?" I asked. I knew she had just been the night before, but a well fed newborn was a more in control newborn. And judging from Bella's desire to gain control of her impulses, I was fairly certain she would want to take advantage of the opportunity. And besides that, there was a matter I needed to take care of that I would prefer she not be around to overhear.

"Yeah…I think I will," she replied and stood in a fluid, and beautiful movement. "I keep thinking about the bag of….blood, and I'm trying like hell not to."

Ah, the bag of blood. It had been nearly twenty four hours…she had done impressively well controlling the instinct to seek it out. I suspected she would gain control over the bloodlust fairly easily. She was adapting well to a life of sustenance being a bit more difficult to come by than grabbing a pop tart out of the cupboard. And not just any pop tart, but a Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart, with frosting on top. Had I been given the chance to be her…boyfriend, I would have encouraged her to eat better, perhaps even cooked her an appetizing and nutritious breakfast.

We parted ways in the hallway, and I watched as she disappeared down the stairs, and listened as she met up with the girls. Then I went into my room, and closed the door softly behind me. When I was sure they were out of hearing range I flipped open my cell phone and dialed. The ringing on the other end felt like it would stretch on forever, as I found myself actually nervous, drumming my fingers on the desk just a human would. Finally, with a click the ringing stopped.

"Hello?" the familiar voice asked, huskier than usual, sorrow and sadness evident in the lowered tone.

"Hello, Chief Swan...it's Edward Cullen."

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**_A/N - *Ducking* Don't throw things :) Cliffies are fun right? Right??!?!_**

**_Reviews are LOVE ...and I love to be loved._**


	20. Desolation

_**Disclaimer: Not mine. Boo hoo.**_

_**A/N – This chapter is dedicated to Stephenie-inspired-novelwriter for not only recently reviewing every chapter, but writing novel length reviews full of insight into the characters that I didn't even realize was there. That was awesome! And, if you are a Mercy Thompson fan, you've got to check out her fantastic one shots with Mercy and Adam. Even if you aren't a fan of that series, you would still appreciate the steamy yum, especially if you are a werewolf fan. Check it out, leave her some love and beg her to write some hot Twilight smut. Find the link to her Mercy story in the favorite stories on my profile.  
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_**And a big ol' shout out to my girl Lea for not only supplying me with smiles and laughter, but a truck load of Tim Tams that will have me on a sugar high for weeks to come. Thanks babe! MWAH**_

_**Also, I have the honor of participating in a new blog dedicated to romantic and under appreciated fics. Myself and a group of clever and talented writers, betas, and readers give almost daily updates pointing the way to hidden gems, and hot one shots we think you will enjoy, as well as post fun and informative articles. Check out my profile for the link.**_

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EPOV

As a vampire, my mind works in wondrous ways. I am capable of quick and thorough thoughts and can perceive and process stimuli in fractions of a second. I am fully capable of rational and well calculated decisions. But, I am also prone to impulsive choices, and it was especially now that I realized that I wasn't thinking at all the night I claimed Bella. Her warm, soft flesh wrapped around me was my undoing and overshadowed every enhanced ability and ounce of self control I had worked to cultivate.

It had been two days since the funeral. Two days since I held Bella in her room as she mourned and reflected and coped. Things felt like they had changed in those moments, but since then she had retreated back into her shell. I couldn't hear her mind and I still didn't have her heart.

Bella was determined to gain control over her blood lust and was doing exceptionally well. We brought out the bag of blood again, this time with warning. Jasper, Emmett and I all remained by her side as Carlisle once again descended the steps with the blood. Bella held her breath and remained in control for nearly a full two minutes before the instinct took over and we had to restrain her. Emmett was more careful with his appendages this time around and after only 90 minutes Bella regained control. She seemed disappointed with herself but we were all rather impressed with her restraint, especially for a second exposure. It took Emmett weeks to get to the same point. I listened in and tried to reassure her as Jasper explained that she should focus on the fact that she resisted losing control for two minutes. Once the lust takes over it is much harder to get under control. The key is to stop the reaction from beginning in the first place, and she had done remarkably well at that for a second attempt. The next day we repeated the actions, and she resisted the blood for 8 minutes. I watched her face relax completely as she focused on some unknown thought and concentrated on controlling her body's instinctual reactions. And once she did lose control, it was very brief, lasting only twenty minutes. She was improving. I was proud of her.

The road in front of me widened as I approached the town, I slowed the car. Coming into Forks at one hundred and ten would draw attention, and besides I wasn't in a big hurry to get to my destination. As I drove I thought about the things I wanted to convey to Charlie but would never be able to say. I wanted him to know she was okay, and that she loved him.

I parked my car in front of the house I had been to a hundred times, but never actually driven to. It was the first time since the night before Bella's change that I had been here. It looked different, but subtly so, as if there was just something…missing.

Before I could lose my nerve, I climbed out of the Volvo and crossed the yard, being careful to maintain an appropriate speed as I approached the door and knocked. Charlie was waiting and answered immediately.

A hundred emotions crossed the face of the man before me and flickered through his thoughts, but each one ended quickly in the same sentiment: Devastation.

He was empty. I had taken his sole reason for existence and made her my own. And at the same time, in a house on the outskirts of town, she was mourning for him as well. This had ruined them both.

I briefly considered biting him, making him one of us too. It wouldn't be hard to fake his death…the distraught father having lost his only child would naturally be suicidal. Jasper was exceptional at faking handwriting. A well placed suicide note would keep them from looking long for the body of the missing chief. I looked into his vacant eyes and weighed the option. But I knew Bella would not want that, and turning him would be mostly to alleviate my own guilt. She would see that, and it really wasn't morally sound. Carlisle was disappointed enough with my choices as of late, and I thought highly enough of him to want to earn back his respect.

Charlie nodded solemnly. "Edward."

I mirrored his nod and sentiment, arranging my features to convey respect and sadness. "Chief Swan."

A few moments of awkward silence followed. Well, to a human it would be silence, but to me the moments stretched immeasurably, and were filled with the sounds of a heartbeat, the rubbing of his hand across the door knob as he tightened his grip around it, and the screaming tone of his thoughts: accusation, guilt, anger, grief, jealousy and briefly, compassion. The last affected me most as I was nowhere near deserving of the compassion of this broken man, nor was I expecting anything of the sort.

He took a step back, diverting his eyes to the floor as mumbled, "Come on in."

I stepped inside the threshold and was hit with Bella's human scent. It was divine, and just as lovely as I remembered. It made my heart ache, my pants tight and my venom flow. As a vampire, she still smelled amazing to me, but nothing would ever compare to her human scent. I took a deep breath, drawing it into my lungs.

My eyes swept the room and immediately noticed that the house seemed untidy, and was dark. The blinds were closed and the place looked downright gloomy.

Charlie stopped in the living room and turned to face me. He didn't invite me to take a seat, instead keeping the exchange more businesslike. He leaned against the back of the couch with his arms folded across his chest. His posture was casual but the air of confidence never left him. He was in chief mode, even now.

His emotions swirled, then stopped, remaining focused on accusation.

"Missed you at the service." His eyes bore into mine. Brown eyes. Bella's eyes. _I needed you there, _his thoughts told me.

_Bella needed me more_ my thoughts countered.

"I said goodbye to Bella in my own way. I do realize that my absence may have appeared disrespectful, that wasn't my intention sir."

His posture relaxed slightly, and the tone of his thoughts shifted to sadness, then anger, and settled on envy and curiosity.

I didn't miss the way his chin quivered and he bit his lip as his next question formed. He needed to know but was overwhelmed with asking.

"Was she happy…just before it happened?"he asked and finally raised his eye to meet mine. He was looking for truth. He wanted to see my eyes when I told him.

I gathered myself and thought back to Bella's last words before I claimed her.

"_Edward," she pleaded. "I love you too," she told me. "Forever," she promised. _She was happy in that moment, I was absolutely sure of it.

"Yes sir, I do believe she was." My eyes would show my sincerity but my soul bled for those moments - the last ones in which Bella was truly happy.

I wanted him to know I was sorry. I wanted him to know that I loved her more than anything, more than my own existence and that I would do anything and spend the rest of my life to keep her safe and make her happy again. I couldn't give him that assurance, but I could soothe his fears. I could give him that comfort.

His thoughts calmed, for just a moment, but then unexpectedly flared nearly startling me with their violent shift in intensity. He was angry; accusation and terror searing through his mind like lightning. His fist balled up and rose, coming down hard, striking the couch with enough force to make it shake. It was impressive for a human.

"Damnit!!" he yelled. "Why did you let her drive? And why was she driving so fast?!?!" His eyes fixed on his fist, still balled up against the fabric of the couch. His jaw worked in tight circles as he clenched and unclenched, trying to get a handle on his rage. It reminded me of Bella when she was learning to control her vampire anger.

I didn't respond right away, choosing instead to let him calm. The accusatory tone of his thoughts cooled slowly, gradually being replaced again by despair.

"I'm sorry Edward, it wasn't your fault." He fully believed these words, which both comforted and devastated me.

"I feel responsible…" I muttered. I couldn't meet his eyes, these would be the truest words I spoke to him today. My voice dropped to a level he probably couldn't hear. "I was responsible."

His features softened, and the tone of his thoughts turned to compassion.

"You can't blame yourself son." His voice was calm and certain - he had delivered this line before and although not two minutes ago he echoed my sentiment, he truly felt the words he spoke.

I shook my head quickly. This was unexpected. I had come here with hopes of comforting him, and instead he was consoling me. It was overwhelming and uncomfortable, but I needed to confess. I needed him to know the truth, even if he dismissed it as the guilt of a traumatized teenage mind. "She trusted me… and I… failed to keep her safe."

And he joined that thought, mirroring it with his own guilt. He felt that he had let her down, that he had failed to protect her.

A few moments of awkward silence followed as we both struggled to regain our composure and refocus our thoughts. Finally, Charlie cleared his throat softly and spoke.

"I…uh… left a box upstairs in front of her bedroom door. I'm sure it will be big enough."

That was my cue to move along, and by that point I was more than ready to. It would do neither of us any good to stand there any longer, and there really was no way I could convey to him the things I most needed to say._ I_ _love Bella more than anything, I will take care of her _and…_I'm sorry._

I nodded slightly then turned to head up the stairs, alone. I had half expected Charlie to follow me, but he didn't, his thoughts wavering between going and staying as well. He hadn't been in her room yet, but felt strange about letting me in there alone; as if he was betraying Bella's privacy.

I paused on the third step and turned back. "I won't be long sir," I told him."I'm sure this is difficult and I want you to know that I appreciate this greatly."

He nodded without looking up and I turned, once again heading up the stairs. His thoughts had calmed, and I was relieved. I needed access to Bella's room alone.

I concentrated very hard on maintaining my human speed, even after I was out of sight.

As I reached the top of the stairs, a picture on the wall caught my attention. An infant Bella sat perched on her mother's lap as Charlie's arms embraced them both. Bella's smile looked back at me from the face of the young woman whose arms were holding her. She looked a lot like her mother except for the eyes. Her rich brown eyes had been Charlie's through and through. I wondered if Bella wanted to have children. I could picture her, bouncing a baby on her lap, one with her smile and…my green eyes. I had never before longed to be a father, never given it a second of thought until this moment. I pushed the thought away. It didn't matter. It was no longer a possibility for either of us.

The box sat in front of her closed bedroom door, just as he said it would. He had left it there as a marker, having no idea that I was quite familiar with the layout of the house, especially the location of Bella's room. I picked it up, and turned the knob slowly opening the door and stepped through.

Immediately her scent enveloped me, wrapping me in memories and a longing I wasn't prepared for, and had no idea was within me. Overwhelmed, I crumpled to the floor.

I had no idea. I had no idea how much I missed this room, how much I missed watching her sleep, listening to her rhythmic breathing, and counting the beats of her heart. I had sat in the chair in the corner of this room for so many nights, imagining her wanting me, loving me and allowing me to wrap myself around her warmth as she slept, an arm draped across my chest as she snuggled her head against my shoulder. I could have had that. She would have let me near her, had I been less greedy, had I been able to resist taking her. I sat motionless, lost in my thoughts for as long as I dared, until Charlie began to notice the lack of movement. Finally, I rose to my feet and made an extra effort to move around the room as a human would, shifting my weight and stepping solidly.

I quickly loaded the box with what I had come for, and then moved at vampire speed collecting a couple more items that caught my eye - items that I didn't think Charlie would miss. When I was finished I took a moment to sit in the rocking chair in the corner and look around the room one last time. Lying across her bed were various articles of clothing, no doubt things she contemplated wearing to the party. Scattered along her dresser were brushes and curling irons and make up items that personally I couldn't name but I felt fairly certain Alice could. The room sat, abandoned in the middle of action. It would be the last time it would be completely Bella. Soon Charlie would come in here, most likely just to sit and remember. I suspected it would take him years to let go of the promise these walls held. If he ever did. I could relate; I would never be able to let her go, would never get over losing her if I did. It was a good thing he was human, and would have only a matter of decades to mourn. Though that thought gave me less comfort than I expected it to.

After taking one more deep breath, I gathered the box and made my way back down the stairs. I found Charlie standing on the porch looking at the shiny new Volvo sitting at the end of the driveway. His thoughts were a mixture of grief and envy. He wished his lost daughter could be as easily replaced as my submerged car had been. I suppose it would have been more sensitive to bring a different car.

I stopped on the porch next to him, and he said nothing about the new car, instead reaching over to flip up one flap of the box, briefly examining the contents. He nodded, and I knew it was time to go. He was spiraling quickly into grief and was anxious to be alone. And I was only too happy to accommodate that desire. We didn't need any more words, so with a respectful nod, I made my way off the porch and into my car, placing the box in the passenger seat next to me.

As soon as I cleared the town, I hit the accelerator, pushing the car to its limits. I was anxious to get home. I couldn't wait to see Bella.

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_**E/N -I love reviews, and you reviewers are the best! Thanks for showing me the love each chapter, even when I take a long time to update. **_


	21. Progression

**_Disclaimer: Not mine. Damn._**

**_A/N - As always a big ol' THANK YOU to Lillie Cullen for being my beta goddess. Also want to give a shout out to Emmy over at the Perv Pack Smut Shack for the rockin' recommendation! Check them out at pervpacksmutshack dot com.  
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**_Previously: Edward risked his life by going to see Charlie and taking items from Bella's room._**

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BPOV

"Perfect focus Bella, you're doing very well."

I closed my eyes.

"That's it…work to relax yourself…I'm helping, can you feel it?"

I nodded.

"Ok, tell me when you are ready for less help."

I nodded again and concentrated on my fingers, willing them to unclench. Slowly, they began to respond as I visualized each muscle relaxing in succession until my fingers were limp. I wiggled them slightly causing Jasper to chuckle.

"Nice," he commented and even with my eyes closed I could feel his smile. Jasper had planned this moment well, making sure the house was empty and there would be no distractions. It was quiet and calm and even without his gift, Jasper had a way of putting me at ease simply with his presence.

I heard the slosh of liquid as he shifted the bag slightly. My throat flared and my fingers twitched desperate to clench and lunge, but I was determined to be stronger than the blood. I remained relaxed and held my breath as I forced myself to remain in control.

"Good." Jasper commended. He was pleased, his smile grew. "I'm going to bring it closer now, try not to move."

I centered my concentration to my jaw, urging my muscles to slacken. I knew from the others, and from Jasper that the fire raging in my throat in the presence of human blood would probably never be squelched, I couldn't control that. But I could control my own body, and I would. My jaw loosened and lay slack in a relaxed position.

Jasper exhaled lightly and he was in fact closer now. My lips twitched minutely in response. We were both relieved, this was going very well.

We stayed like this for several minutes as I focused on remaining in control and relaxed.

"Do you feel ready to breath?" He asked. He sounded confident. He knew I was ready.

Very slightly, I drew a shallow breath in through my nose, taking in only to slightest bit of air. The delicious aroma filled my senses and I nearly groaned out loud from the desire. But I didn't lose control. I didn't clench my fists, or gnash my teeth or growl or rip Jasper to shreds. I simply _wanted_ the blood-very badly- but I could abstain.

"Very impressive," his smile was fully evident in his tone. "Try breathing deeper."

I inhaled deeper, and again the intoxicating aroma swirled through my senses and fanned the flames of my thirst. This time venom flowed and pooled in my mouth. But I remained calm and completely in control. I could handle it. I _was_ handling it.

"Reach out your hands Bella," he urged. I offered my hands, palms up, unsure as to what he had in mind. But I trusted him completely, and in his words I could hear that he trusted me as well. It gave me strength. My curiosity was quickly sated as I felt the warm bag of blood touch my skin, barely at first and then fully as Jasper gingerly set the liquid in my hands.

It was amazing and terrifying. It smelled and felt incredible and I wanted to feel it slide down my parched throat. The liquid heaven formed itself around my fingers, cradling me, calling to me. But it wouldn't _have_ me.

I was ready. I wanted it to be all me.

"Ok Jasper, I'm ready…ease up a bit, let me feel more."

He chuckled, a light and heartfelt sound. I opened my eyes and immediately locked them with his. He was smiling- no, he was _glowing._ "This is all you, Darlin'. I stopped helping you ages ago."

It _was_ me. It was all _me_. I was holding a bag of human blood in my hands, and although it smelled good- really, really good, I was resisting the urge to rip into it with my razor teeth and draw the liquid into my body .

I squeezed the bag lightly, feeling the fluid form itself around my fingers through the plastic -such a flimsy membrane. I was proud of myself, and for a moment, I thought of Edward, he would be proud too.

I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps a few seconds before he came through the door to my room.

"Fee Fi Fo Fum I smell the blood of an-" He sniffed the air, then nodded approval. "Irish woman."

I raised my eyebrows. "You can smell all that …just from the blood?"

"Oh yeah," he replied. "Her blood smells like cabbage...and whiskey."

Jasper stifled a chuckle and shook his head, leaving me unsure if Emmett was pulling my leg. Knowing him, he may well have been. But I did notice that the blood smelled different each time; always incredibly delicious, but definitely different.

Emmett reached over and casually took the bag of red heaven from my hands. My face tried to follow the delicious liquid as it passed under my nose fanning a fresh wave of aroma toward me. I maintained control as he held the sloshy bag in both hands and watched me skeptically.

"I like the blood we used yesterday," he mused as he shifted the bag back and forth in his hands, still watching me curiously. "Aussies smell fucking fantastic."

Suddenly his hand flinched and the bag of blood was airborne, flying toward me. I caught it easily, and adjusted my grip automatically so I wouldn't crush the bag. A low moaned slipped through my parched lips as the warm liquid molded around my unyielding fingers making the most delicious sound and sending another wave of need through me, fanning the fires of my blazing throat. I kept my breathing steady, and concentrated instead on a distant sound...familiar and approaching. It was a car engine and I knew the sound well. It soothed me.

Emmett shook his head and smiled as he turned to leave the room, calling to me over his shoulder as he left. "You're making us all look bad Bella."

The purr of the engine was getting closer, and I knew that any second I would hear the sound of Edward's tires as he turned the Volvo onto the gravel driveway. I looked again to the pouch of human blood in my hands and felt triumphant. I had control. In this crazy, out-of-control situation, I had regained some footing.

Jasper's posture shifted and a smile played at the corner of his lips as he reached out and took the bag of blood from me, cautiously, though there was no need. He was in no danger of losing a limb to my thirst. My thoughts were now entirely focused on Edward. Where had he been? Why had he looked so nervous when he left?

"I think that's enough for today," Jasper said knowingly, and set a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "You truly have the determination and ability to live this lifestyle Bella, to resist human blood."

I knew that. I had doubted that after my first experience, but now, I felt confident. I hoped soon I would be able to be around humans again. I was desperate to leave the house.

Before it seemed possible, Edward's footsteps were ascending the stairs, and heading toward my room. It felt like I would never get used to the way vampires moved. My mind still wanted to think of things in human terms, and at human speed.

Jasper had barely just left my vision before Edward appeared, holding a medium sized cardboard box.

My breathing stopped.

This simple, unassuming box was anything but simple or unassuming. The logo on the side of the box, "Rainier Beer" wasn't necessarily what caught my attention though I recognized it at once. What captured my focus and made my head swarm was the clumsy scrawl above the logo : "Winter clothes". It was Charlie's writing, and it was the very box he had set in the hallway for me over a week ago, two weeks maybe. The weather had been warming up and I was short on closet space, and had mentioned wanting to pack some of my heavier sweaters into a box to store in the attic. I stepped over that box at least 3 or 4 times as it sat at the end of the hallway waiting for me to drag it into my room and fill it. A couple times Charlie had even reminded me about the box. It was insignificant, practically invisible to a busy teenage girl, yet here it was, now the absolute focal point of my entire world in this moment. Never had I dreamed this box would be so…significant.

I looked at Edward with equal parts confusion, anger and ….admiration. "You went to see my dad?" I asked, incredulously. There had to be some other explanation. The obvious one just seemed so…unlikely.

He smiled and nodded, his eyes softening as he took in my confusion. I moved toward him, and could smell home on the box. It smelled wonderful, comforting, and familiar. I reached out carefully, tracing my fingers along the letters written in black permanent marker on the side of the box, as if I could feel him through the ink; somehow channel him through the sentiment in the gesture.

"I hope you don't mind," he urged. "There were some things I thought you might like to have."

He brought me _things_? Things from _home_? Things from Charlie? He went into _my_ house, talked to _my _dad, and took _things_. I might have been angry, I should have been angry but in that moment I couldn't find it in me to feel slighted or enraged. All I felt was overwhelming excitement and …gratitude. I know it must have taken a great deal of nerve to face Charlie, and I found myself wondering exactly how Edward had escaped without being shot at. Well, I hadn't heard the story yet, maybe he had been. I could hope, anyway.

"Well…?" I was practically bouncing out of my skin, but trying to appear neutral. "What's in the box?"

He chuckled, and I knew he wasn't fooled. I wondered if Edward had always been so cocky. I hoped not. I hoped so.

He set the box on the floor between us, dropping to his knees and I did the same. He gestured for me to open the box. Had I been human, my rock solid hand would have been trembling as I reached for the top flap of the box and pushed it aside.

My eyes widened and a small shriek slipped from within me as I was greeted by the tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_ that I last saw sitting on my bedside table. I pulled it out of the box and held it in my hands marveling at the new detail in the familiar cover, now looking much more battered and well loved through my new eyes. Also in the box were every other of my beloved books; pieces of me, pieces of home. I took them out, one at time turning them each in my hands and flipping through the worn pages -finding my favorite passages. I read through the text, familiar and reassuring; a small piece of familiarity that brought me so much comfort.

Edward sat with me silently as I marveled over the pages of the books. He was smiling, but for once it wasn't smug, or assuming. For once it was…humble. He was thrilled to be able to bring me some small measure of peace, but he didn't do it to win me, or make me less angry. And he didn't do it to be the hero. He did it because he understood me. He _knew_ me.

"Edward…" I sighed as I set down the last book. "I don't know what to say." His smile widened. He didn't need me to say anything. Still, I had to know. "How did you…I mean…what did you say… to Charlie? Does he know you have these?"

His eyes twinkled, and for a moment my breath caught. Had they always been so…hauntingly beautiful? Yes…I supposed they had.

"Well..." he began, as his smile faded and he reached down to pick up one of the books, flipping through the pages and turning it over in his large hands, almost nervously. It was a very human thing to do and rather…endearing. "Remember that time, last month when I came into biology and you were reading _Wuthering Heights_?"

I thought back for a minute…and I could almost remember. I concentrated on the memory for a moment as it slowly solidified. I was finding it more difficult to remember human events. Jasper had warned me that my human memories would fade, but I didn't expect to notice it happening so soon. Finally, the memory took shape and I chuckled softly as I recalled the peculiar look of his face.

"Oh, I remember," I reflected as the exchange played through my mind again. It was hazy and distant, but I would concentrate on every detail I could salvage. I wanted to cement every human detail I could into my new memory banks, and this memory was no different. It was one of the first real conversations Edward and I had. "You gave me the strangest look…and asked why I was reading _that._"

He chuckled, the action lighting up his face softly, as shook his head a bit. "You probably assumed I was criticizing your reading choice."

And I had. I told him not to knock the classics until he'd read them, and even offered to lend him my books. He told me he just might take me up on that offer. I lay in bed that night thinking about that exchange and trying to decide which book to bring him before finally deciding he wasn't really interested in the classics, and that actually bringing him a book would make me look silly.

"You were wrong though," He reached over using a long finger to lift my chin, meeting my eyes. "I was impressed; you had so much substance, and never failed to intrigue me. While your classmates were busy fawning over the pages of _Seventeen_, you were devouring the classics. It was refreshing, and made me admire you even more."

I couldn't help but smile as he held my gaze, his golden eyes locked tightly with my still red, new eyes that he had created.

"So…you told Charlie that you admired me?" It seemed an unlikely route to getting a box full of things from my grieving father. There had to be more to it.

"Yes…but that's not all." Ah ha, I figured not. My mind began spinning with the possible crazy excuses he must have come up with, and what elaborate story would have been convincing enough to achieve such a feat. I nodded with wide eyes, urging him to continue. He shrugged, "I told him the truth."

"Oh really?" My expression must have given away my skepticism because he clarified quickly.

"A version of the truth anyway…I told him that you felt my literary experiences needed expanding and had urged me to borrow your books."

"Oh," I responded. That seemed…reasonable.

"And so…" he continued, "I felt that under the circumstances, I thought it would mean a lot to you if I took you up on your offer…to borrow your books," he smiled, "And read them."

"Borrow?" I asked." I have to give them back?"

"He isn't going to ask for them back," he assured, tapping a finger to his temple.

"Oh," I mumbled, not completely sure how I felt about that. Why wouldn't Charlie want to hold on to every piece of me he could?

"There's more," Edward pointed out, lifting the flap on the box again and motioning with his eyes for me to look inside. I had seen the blue fabric of my favorite jeans, but had been too caught up in the books to comment on them.

"Thanks for the jeans Edward…I would ask how you knew they were my favs, but I'm guessing it was obvious by the amount of wear they got."

"Well…that and Angela's thoughts…you may have mentioned it to her a time or two. You hated shopping for jeans, and wished you could have found a pair like them here."

I shook my head and grinned. Getting used to his mindreading was going to take some time.

"There's more still…" he added, nodding toward the box once more.

More? I reached in, lifting the soft, perfectly worn jeans out and set them aside. I curiously peered into the box, and gasped as two more objects lay on the very bottom.

I didn't hesitate. I plucked the first item out of the box so quickly, I hardly remembered to control my strength to avoid shredding it. I lay the small photo album on my lap and a looked at it. I wanted desperately to see the pictures inside the album, so familiar but practically a lifetime ago. A whole different life. A previous life. A life that had already begun to move on without me.

"Edward I…" I couldn't finish. I didn't need to.

He slid around the box, settling in next to me and laid his hand over mine, silently asking permission. I pulled my hands back and he took the album from me, positioning it between us and opening the first page. My mother's face greeted me, in a picture I had seen a hundred times, but never appreciated the way I did now. My fingers traced over the lines of her face, and I smiled. She was beautiful and I missed her so much. The next photo was taken on my last birthday- I was sitting in a Mexican restaurant with a huge sombrero on my head and an oversized dessert sitting between Renee and I.

"Did they sing to you?" Edward asked, chuckling softly at the sight of me in the sombrero.

"God yes," I huffed, remembering wanting to kill Renee for that.

We continued flipping pages together, with Edward asking questions about the images and listening as I told stories about my family and life as a human. Sometimes, I could tell it was a story he had already heard- I assumed by eavesdropping into my loved one's thoughts. But many of them were new and the intensity with which he listened to those stories made me feel like I could tell them forever. I was so engaged in the photos and memories and the Edward that I never even noticed the fact that a whole night had passed and the light of a new day was filling the room. I also had almost forgotten the last item occupying the box in front of us.

I was nervous as I reached in and removed the small blue book from the now empty box. It was my diary.

"Did you read this?" I asked Edward, my eyes narrowing.

"Of course not," he replied simply and I knew at once it was the truth.

His face was thoughtful and sincere as he reached toward me and brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear. He chuckled softly to himself. "For whatever reason, I am not meant to know your thoughts Bella… I thought it best to respect that."

And I knew that he was not just respecting the cosmic glitch that made my mind silent, but respecting me as well. It was a welcome change.

I rose to my feet and crossed the room, sliding the diary into the drawer next to my bed to read later. I noticed Edward's posture shift from the corner of my eye. His head suddenly lifted as if someone called his name, then he turned quickly to look out the window. By the time he turned back to face me a broad smile had lit up his face.

"Thank you Alice." He spoke softly, but I knew she could hear.

"Have fun," her sweet voice responded from downstairs.

I looked at Edward skeptically as he rose to his feet in one fluid movement and was by my side in an instant, still smiling like fool.

"The sun will come out today," he beamed. And although I was happy to hear that, I wasn't convinced that Edward just really loved the sun.

"And?" I asked.

His smile widened, impossibly.

"There's something I want you to see…something _I _want to show you." I didn't miss the emphasis on the word "I".

"Will you come with me? Please?" He asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

How could I say no?

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_**E/N - Thanks to my loyal ( and new) reviewers and readers for your continued support during the summer months during which I am finding it harder to get chapters done in a timely manner. I love reading your reviews and PM's, even the ones bitching about the delay between chapters. Love you guys!**_


	22. Attraction

**_Disclaimer- The usual- Not mine. Not real. damn damn._**

**A/N - Thanks again to the beta-tastic Lillie Cullen for fixing my boo boo's. Also a shout out to Cicely who has been dying to be a vampire, and Jenny who just rocks in general. And an extra thanks to Julie for nudging me along, and my girl Lea for motivating me and keeping me laughing and happy- exactly what I need to write! I couldn't do it without ya babe._  
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**_Previously: Bella took great strives forward in learning to control her blood-lust and Edward surprised her with a box full of things from her old room, and asked her to join him for a day in the sun.  
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BPOV

I glanced at the cloud covered sky above us as we ran silently side by side. I knew Edward's family had a great deal of faith in Alice's information, but I was feeling a bit …skeptical. And at the same time I wondered why it mattered that the sun would be out. Edward seemed very focused on wherever it was we were headed though, so I kept by his side, my mind filled with equal parts curiosity and uncertainty.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked, though I suspected he wouldn't divulge.

"Nope," his cocky smile both frustrated and amused me.

I felt more at ease by his side now, and I wasn't sure that was completely a good thing. Although I knew rationally that the humans I had loved and cared for would eventually move on with their lives, I was still angry that they were forced to do so. And even more so, I was angry that I had to let them go and carry this secret for the rest of my life…or, I suppose the rest of eternity. I wondered if I would ever see them again…maybe watch them from a safe distance when I had more control. I wondered also if that would help, or just rip the Band-Aid off the fresh wound once again. All I knew was that right now I was still missing them so much, though at the same time becoming somewhat…attached to my new friends.

Edward's face was thoughtful and as I watched his lips turned up at the sides into a slight smile. He glanced sideways, meeting my gaze and his smile spread, thawing my frozen heart with its warmth. I couldn't deny the sincerity of his affection. His stare became more intense, burning into mine generating a current between us that made me want to move closer…to touch him. I shook my head to clear the trance and struggled to make conversation.

"So…um…can you at least tell me what we are going to do? Or something…" I stammered, still feeling the effects of the bizarre moment of connection.

He felt it too…it was obvious in the way his eyes lit up when he discovered I noticed the connection, then dropped when he realized I broke it purposely.

"Sure….I can tell you," he chirped playfully, attempting to lighten the mood. "But then I would have to kill you." Unsuccessfully.

I scoffed and his fake smile faded. "Sorry Bella, bad joke."

"Ya think?" I chided, but inside, I had almost giggled. Almost.

"I think you will really like this." He assured me.

_Oh, like the house. And the Volvo. And the whole blood sucking dead thing. _

Up to this point Edward hadn't exactly proven his taste in what I would like, but I had to give him credit for the items he brought from my room. The faded denim of my favorite pair of jeans felt good on my legs as I ran, and made me feel more like myself.

"Here it is", Edward proclaimed and abruptly stopped, leaning casually against a tree.

I stopped too, and looked around at the unassuming piece of forest that looked just like the rest of the forest we had been running through for the last several minutes.

"I…uh…don't see anything." I looked around one more time before meeting his eyes and taking note of his smug grin. If he was playing a game, I wasn't going to play along. "Is this some kind of a joke Edward? It's not funny." I turned to leave.

"Wait Bella," He was beside me in an instant, and his hand wrapped tenderly around my upper arm. The sensation of him touching me was unexpected, and rather…pleasant. My eyes fixed on his long pale fingers, and I suddenly found myself intrigued, almost aroused. A series of images flashed through my mind- those fingers, _his_ fingers ghosting across my cheek, sliding down my neck and skirting my shoulder. Again I found myself having to struggle to regain control of my…desire. It was unsettling. It was consuming.

I forced my gaze away from his fingers and met his eyes, taking note of the return of the smug smile. Again, he felt it too.

"It's just through the trees," he urged, "I wanted you to be able to experience the effect fully."

He nodded toward and arch shaped opening in the foliage, and through it I could see a golden glow that drew me closer. Through the opening lay a vast and majestic meadow, perfectly formed, and framed on each side by thick trees. It was amazing. I moved toward the clearing but stopped short, remaining safely in the shadows.

I looked through the trees into the bright sunlight. I was nervous. What would happen? What was this big deal about the sun? I vaguely remembered something about vampires and the sun…what was it? Was it that they couldn't be in the sun? If so what was his motive? Surely he wouldn't have brought me all this way to let me burn to a pile of ash in this beautiful meadow.

I took a deep breath, and stepped forward into the warm glow of the afternoon sun.

Immediately I was surprised by the pleasurable warmth the sun washed over my cold, marble skin. It felt good…really good and warmed me in a way I hadn't felt since moving to Forks from the scorching heat of the desert. I closed my eyes and found my lips turning into a smile as I let the golden rays wash over me, bringing soothing comfort and a familiarity of the home that I'd sorely missed.

I was so enraptured with the sensation, that I almost missed Edward's soft voice behind me.

"Beautiful," he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. I turned and opened my eyes, which immediately focused first on his adoring smile, and then on the rest of him. I gasped as I took in his stunning appearance.

Edward had stepped into the meadow behind me, and had removed his shirt, but surprisingly this is not what first caught my eye. The rays of sunlight were dancing across his skin in tiny points of light, almost like it was infused with millions of diamonds. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. The light danced across the contours of his sculpted chest. I wanted to touch him, now more than ever, and I suddenly found myself reaching for him. As my arm rose, something caught my eye. It was me…my skin…it was alive with the same radiance as Edward's. My eyes widened as I twisted and turned first one arm, then the other in the sunlight and marveled at the amazing sight before me. My new body was dead, it was cold, and it was hard. But it was magnificent. I was strong, and graceful, and incredibly beautiful. This body was so very different than my human one had been, yet I felt an ease, and comfort that I had never felt in my human form.

Still mesmerized I met Edwards's eyes again. "How?" I asked.

A sweet smile crept across his face and he simply shrugged.

I looked once again at my radiant body shimmering in the rays of light. "It's amazing," I marveled. "_I'm_ amazing."

"Yes, you are," Edward smiled sweetly. "You always were."

His eyes were so sincere I couldn't help but smile and feel a spark of warmth, just for him.

With vampire speed that I perceived perfectly, he was suddenly in the middle of the meadow, lying on the lush grass on his back, arms folded behind his head, eyes closed. His mouth hinted at a slight smile as he basked in the golden rays of sunlight. He looked so content, so at peace and so warm. I had an overwhelming urge to join him. I wanted to feel the heat and watch the enchanting lights dance across my bare skin.

I hesitated only for a moment before lifting my t-shirt above my head and throwing it aside. I heard him gasp softly, but didn't meet his eyes as I lay myself next to him, mirroring his position on the soft earth.

My eyes were closed, but I still felt him turn toward me, and was surprised by the way my body seemed to react to his, and perceive it in a subconscious way. When he was near me, I felt aware and in tune with his presence, as if the essence of each of us spoke to the other, and was drawn closer. I couldn't deny the pull I felt to be near him. He lay facing me, propped on his elbow for quite some time. The connection didn't fade, but rather intensified. I relaxed my body, and my mind and my anger, and allowed myself this moment; to truly feel. Feel the warmth from the sun, and the intensity of the attraction between us. Finally, Edward spoke.

"Can I touch you?" he asked timidly. Without the benefit of mind reading he had no way to know how much I longed to feel his touch.

I nodded, slightly, without opening my eyes. I sensed his hand moving…and felt the energy surge as it neared my skin. He paused, his long fingers lingering just above the flesh of my exposed upper arm. The anticipation was immense, and his quick shallow breaths washed over me as his fingers finally made contact. My breath caught slightly, as the current moved through the connection, coursing through me in waves of desire and contentment more perfect and intense than anything I had ever felt.

Slowly, steadily his fingers began to move, lightly ghosting their way across my arm, and down toward my shoulder. His touch felt incredible, and I noticed my breath becoming shallow and quick. Tenderly, he traced the contours of my collar bones, first one than the other before circling his steady fingers around the hollow at the base of my neck, each finger in turn until all five had made their way around the tender area. Edward moaned, barely audibly as his fingers slid upward slightly, gently forming themselves around the side of my neck and tracing across the crescent shaped scar.

My breath hitched as he touched me there. That scar, marked me as his and would be an eternal reminder of the choice he made, to claim me, and the choice I never had to submit. Despite that, the pleasure he took in that scar, and the obvious devotion he felt to having taken me as his, gathered in my primal depths, and fueled my instinctual desire.

"Edward," I whispered, though I'm not sure I meant to. He didn't respond, but retreated his fingers from the mark and dragged them lightly across my chest, then down around the side of my breast. As his hand reached my side, he pressed it flat against my stomach, splaying his fingers before sliding his hand across my now warm flesh, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me toward him. Before I could protest, before I could decide if I even wanted to, my back was pressed against his warm chest as he formed his body around mine. He sighed softly and nuzzled into my hair.

"You feel incredible," he whispered, and inhaled deeply. Having him so close, and feeling his body against mine, firm yet so soft, stirred images in my mind of the night we were together -- the night I was taken.

"You were my first," I murmured softly. I wanted him to know that it was special to me, and that he was the only one I had wanted.

"I know," he replied, and began tracing lazy patterns across my stomach. I wondered if I was only imagining the hint of smugness leaking into his disclosure.

I waited for him to continue…to expand on this revelation, but he remained silent, his fingers still dancing lightly across my skin. Finally, I asked.

"How did you know?"

"I could tell," he admitted. "When I felt inside you, I knew".

I thought for a moment about his fingers inside me, and nearly moaned aloud at the building sensation between my legs that the mere thought of that event brought. But there was something else nagging at the surface...something off.

"Have you …felt inside other women…other …virgins?" How else would he know? As soon as the question left my lips, I realized I may not really want to know the answer to that question. At least not right now. But as he took a moment to answer, pausing much too long, I felt my breath growing unsteady as a wave of tightness moved across my chest that had nothing to do with wonderful.

"Yes," he admitted, barely more than a whisper.

In a flash of movement, I didn't even register completely; I was suddenly out of his arms and laying two feet in front of him, on my side, facing him.

"Who?" I demanded, "Who was it?"

His eyes studied mine for an eternal few seconds before he answered.

"Her name was Jenny; it was a long time ago. She has grown old and died, Bella."

_Died? She died? Well that would mean…._

"Human," I gasped quietly, "She was human?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "But it was long ago, and she was the only human besides you that I've been with."

Fire. A fire began smoldering inside me as I watched his eyes, and knew he was thinking about that encounter. He was smart enough to not change his expression, but his eyes didn't lie. I knew he was thinking…thinking about _her_. She had been the only other human. But he didn't say she had been the only other _one._

"There were others? She wasn't your first, was she?" I asked, already knowing the answer, and already knowing I didn't want there to have been one, let alone _more. _

"Mmm hmm," he nodded, seemingly feeling more comfortable with disclosure now. He rolled to his back and laced his fingers behind his head again before continuing into an explanation way beyond what I'd asked for." My first was a vampire, Cicely, who I came across during my time away from Carlisle. She was nearly a newborn and very beautiful. We did some wild and crazy things together."

The fire moved from smoldering to flaring as I watched him stare up into the sky and reminisce about the slut vampire he screwed around with while he was supposed to be _finding himself_. His eyes twinkled in the sun as he recalled the encounter, and his lips curled into a slight smile. Had he been looking at me he would have seen my eyes narrow and my mouth set into a firm line. Had he not been lost in thought about the things he and _Cicely_ had done, he would have noticed that I was no longer interested in his rampant sex life. As a matter of fact, I wondered if I was even interested in _him_ anymore.

I didn't stick around for the finale. The fire and tightness and rage built in me until I found myself standing, and then moving across the meadow toward the opening.

I heard Edward spring to his feet behind me as I made my way back to the path.

"Bella wait…" he called, but it was too late. I was done. I didn't want to ruin his fun though. By all means, he should stay and enjoy the sunshine.

"Why don't you hang out here for a bit Edward," I called to him over my shoulder. "Give _Cicely _a call…I'm sure she would just love to come ….sparkle… with you."

Edward was smart enough to remain silent as he followed me, from a safe distance, back to the house.

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**A/N - I know, I know...but please don't throw things. Or call me mean names, I have a fragiule psyche. Hee hee. Bear with me guys, the bumps are necessary to the outcome. Reviews are win! Go on...hit the little button and let me know your thoughts.**


	23. Perception

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, Bella or any of the money making yum that is Twilight. **_

**A/N - Thanks to my mighty-beta Lillie Cullen for making my stuff easier to read and less cringe worthy to the red pen wielders of the world (*cough* Jill *cough* )**

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EPOV

"What were you thinking?!?" Alice's shrill voice cut through me. "What happened?"

She truly was a force to be reckoned with when she was angry. She glided into the room and gracefully folded herself on the couch next to me.

"You tell me," I snapped back, perhaps a bit rougher than was really necessary.

Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head, obviously not amused by my irritation.

"I'm a clairvoyant Edward, not a miracle worker." She sighed deeply. She wanted to be upset with me for ruining a good opportunity to make a real connection with Bella, but really, she just felt bad for me. And for Bella. I knew that she wanted us to be happy together just as much as I did.

I returned her sigh and turned to face the tiny creature that would always be not only my sister for all intents and purposes, but also my best friend.

"What happened, Alice?" I asked softly, not because of her clairvoyance or insightful knowledge into events to come, but because she was a woman, like my Bella, and because she knew me better than anyone. She took my hand and smiled supportively as she showed me the events that had unfolded when Bella reached the house.

_Bella paced back and forth quickly across the already worn patch of carpeting. She picked up a pillow and threw it at the wall, leaving a small dent_.

I chuckled at this; my Bella had quite an arm, and made such a magnificent vampire.

"_Bella…" Alice sighed softly from the middle of the bed where she sat with her legs crossed, watching the newest addition to our family try to contain her emotions. A moment later she tossed another pillow in Bella's direction just in time for Bella to catch it and throw it against the bookshelf, knocking over several books in the process. She continued pacing without responding to Alice. _

_Bella growled lightly and her face contorted into a mask of anger and…pain. _

"_You should have heard him Alice…he was gloating", she hissed through firm set lips._

I didn't remember gloating. I remembered feeling at ease sharing my past with her, and then suddenly she was running away.

"_I had to hear about …Jenny," she mocked through clenched teeth, exaggerating the name with a heavy note of distaste, "and…Cicely", even more distaste. "And…" Her voice grew with fury, "the wild and crazy things they had done!" _

Oh no. Did I actually _say_ that? I wasn't necessarily referring to the sexual experiences with Cicely, as we had only been intimate once. But I realized how that must have seemed to Bella.

_Alice cringed, and continued watching Bella pace furiously back and forth across the room._

_Finally she stopped and collapsed on the floor into the same position as Alice, and buried her face in her hands. _

"_I thought I was special," she murmured into her tiny hands, barely more than a whisper._

My frozen heart broke as I watched the love of my existence question her value to me. I stopped looking, I pushed the thoughts out. She was the only soul who had ever moved me, and would be the only one I would ever truly need. I couldn't bear to see her feel …unvalued.

Bella had asked about my sexual past, and I answered truthfully. I didn't think I conveyed anything in a way to make her feel not special, but perhaps I had some things to learn about women still. I realized I had taken for granted the ease of communicating with a mind I could read. Having to guess the other person's reactions and thoughts to what I was saying was proving to be precarious.

Alice's eyes softened, and she squeezed my hand lightly; she knew I understood.

"How do I fix this?" I pleaded quietly.

Alice closed her eyes for a moment, her brow furrowed for a second and then relaxed as her lips relaxed into a soft smile. She opened her eyes and met mine, and immediately I was seeing the covers of the last 500 issues of Fashion Weekly magazine, in chronological order.

"Give her some time Edward," she assured as she sprang to her feet and started toward the door. She knew. She knew what I needed to do, but she wasn't going to tell me.

Some part of me knew it was right for her to make me figure things out on my own. I would hopefully be spending eternity beside a silent mind and the sooner I learned to not rely on our talents to build trust and competence, the better. The beautiful creature I created deserved more from me. She was worth the effort.

As the door to my room clicked shut, I closed my eyes and focused on the sound in the room at the other end if the hall. The sounds of Bella's quiet breaths, and the hum of the music coming from her iPod. She had stopped pacing hours ago, and now was sitting in her usual spot on the floor in front of the massive window over looking the river. Her sweet voice carried through the air, as she quietly sang along to a tune I didn't recognize. I would give her some time, the night perhaps and the next day while I was at school. The next evening I would talk to her, maybe take her somewhere. She seemed to really enjoy being out in new places aside from out usual hunting grounds. Perhaps another change of scenery would be just what she needed.

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BPOV

I stayed in my room, listening to music and trying to get a grip on my rampant emotions until the house fell quiet. I heard them leave one by one, Edward's car the last to pull down the long driveway.

I was alone.

For the first time since being bitten and opening my eyes to this strange new world, I was completely alone. It felt good…and frightening. Jasper had assured the others that my control was well within reasonable limits and that I was safe to be alone. Not safe for myself of course, but rather safe for the innocent humans who lived around us.

I made my way downstairs, marveling at how quiet the house was when it was empty. It wasn't silent, as there were still various noises only perceptible to vampire ears, though it was eerily still for a house I had become accustomed to bustling with activity. I stood, looking around the room, unsure as to what I should do. What I wanted to do was go to school, see my friends, and cook dinner for Charlie. What I was stuck doing was being a semi-hostage in this house - alone. I felt heat in my throat, a signal of needing to feed, but suppressed it quickly. Now was not the time to get restless.

Making myself comfortable on the large leather sofa, I grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels of the television, covering 250 channels in just under 15 seconds. Nothing caught my interest, nor did I really expect it to. My mind was still reeling from the afternoon spent with Edward the day before.

I realized he was over 100 yrs old, and having experienced first hand the powerful sensations, I completely appreciated the fact that vampires were very sexual creatures. The rational part of my brain knew these things, but the silly teenage girl in me didn't give a shit. What was he thinking bragging about his conquests like that? I closed my eyes and replayed the scene in the meadow again and tried to gain a new perspective. Was I overreacting? I didn't think so. Though, I did entertain the possibility that I may have exaggerated his amusement…but only briefly. He was wrong and should apologize. I understood that he couldn't help where he put his parts in the past, but in the future I would appreciate more discretion regarding his enthusiasm about such memories. If it truly was enthusiasm that I saw. And I thought it was. Probably.

I found myself wondering why he didn't lose control and bite the other girls. What made me different? Perhaps I was special to him after all. At the same time I wondered why it should matter to me if I was special to the man who stole me from my life. But despite my best efforts to not care…I couldn't deny the fact that part of me…did.

The flame in my throat flared again, pulling me back from my thoughts. It had been two days since my last hunt, a dangerous prospect for a newborn. Being left alone was one thing, but venturing out into the world was another thing altogether. I knew it would be safer for me to stay inside and wait until someone arrived home. Esme was due to be home first, I was sure she would hunt with me.

I decided to head back up to my room to find a book when the bittersweet aroma of a deer wafted through the open back window drawing my attention. It was near…less than a mile for sure, though from here I couldn't quite determine the direction. I moved to the window, inhaling the scent and trying to decide the risk. The deer, a young doe, was toward town, but not too close. It was moving away, getting further from me and closer to humans every second. I would need to make a decision quickly. My throat burned and venom pooled in my mouth and I decided that I could handle it. I could hunt the doe, have a snack to quench my thirst then wait for Esme to venture out for a more substantial meal.

I flew through the door, rounded the house and found a path through the trees, the scent of the deer pulling me closer to town and closer to the liquid that would dull my flame and nourish me. I remained focused at all times as I ran; ready to divert my course or head home at the first sign of human scent. The smells around me remained human-free however, and in just under a minute I had located the deer, coiled, pounced and consumed her life force. I felt better…stronger and empowered by my first successful solo hunt. I turned and began toward home when a peculiar scent caught my attention.

It was human…but special. It didn't smell like any of the human blood I had encountered. This blood was …unique, I was fascinated and drawn to the aroma, but in a way I couldn't describe.

I followed the delicious scent through the trees. It was familiar, like mom's apple pie, or the smell of chlorine in the summer. I was curious, that's all. I wouldn't hurt this human, I would just look. It had been so long since I'd been near a human, near humanity, or heard a beating heart.

The scent grew stronger and the instinct in me began to take hold. I would fight it. It had been long enough, I could do this. Fire seared in my throat, burned my very being. I swallowed the venom once again filling my mouth and held my breath, as I could now hear the shuffle of footsteps and the beating of a human heart. I followed the sounds, eager to discover the source of the draw.

The dense forest began to thin; I could see a road ahead. A car was pulled to the side of the road, at a bridge. Familiarity struck me again. The car. I knew that car. It was Charlie's car.

Charlie.

Dad.

I froze at the edge of the trees, staring at my father.

He was facing away from me, looking off the bridge, into the flowing water. This was the bridge where my life as he knew it ended. He had no idea that my life actually ended in a soft bed in my lover's arms, and then again in a cottage tucked far away in the woods.

His shoulders were slumped and his back rose and fell slightly in an uneven rhythm. I didn't need to see his face to know he was crying. Crying for me. Crying for the loss of his only daughter. My knees went weak and my body was wracked with a grief that tore through me shattering my very will to be. The fire in my throat paled in comparison to the torment that flowed through my body threatening to drown me forever. I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my lips, piercing into the quiet air.

Charlie swung around, hand on his gun, eyes searching for the source of the misplaced sound. Our eyes locked. I ran.

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**E/N - Updates should be more regular now as I wrap this up and find myself with lots of extra writing time during my kids' soccer practices. I'm looking at maybe 3-5 more chapters and an epilogue. As always I love reviews, and appreciate each and every one...even THAT one...you know who you are ;)**

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Also- Lillie Cullen, my beta-extraordinaire is currently entered into an original fic writing contest on text novel and has an amazing story going. _Manhunt_ is the story of Michael Brennan and Nikki Wright who share a bond created by love, loss, and hardship. Michael's life was finally taking a turn for the better while Nikki's was descending into darkness, until one fateful night changed everything. Just how much is Michael willing to give up for love? How far is he willing to run?

**Manhunt is an a engaging story that draws you in and keeps you hooked right from the first chapter. So...go to the site, register, vote, follow it, and show her some love! **

**www(dot)textnovel(dot)com/stories_list_?story_id=1521 You know the drill of removing the (dot )'s…. **

**A word from Lillie regarding Manhunt:**

This story has been on my mind for a long time. I even considered altering it and making it a Darkward fanfiction story at one point, but ultimately realized that it would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. These characters needed to stand on their own two feet. Eight chapters have been posted so far, and if I may be so humble, I believe it is my best work to date.

You need to create a login at textnovel to read it, it will lead you to where you need to go. The story's rating is determined by the number of votes (thumbs up button) and story alerts (cell phone button) the story receives, which means each reader can add two points to my rating! Going to my profile and clicking "Follow" will put me on author alert. The only downside to this site is the fact that it limits each chapter posting to 500 words, which means you'll be clicking the 'next' button - a lot. But from what I've been told...it's more than worth it. :) Can't wait to hear what you think of it!


	24. Desperation

**_Disclaimer - Not mine_**

**A/N- Take a deep breath before reading this chapter and put on your "Lets be nice to Tammy" hat. Some of you are gonna send me hate mail over this one, but this is the way things played out in my head and so...this is the way I put them on the page. Besides...you should save the hate mail- things will still get bumpier before they get smoother. But fear not; I'm a happy ending kinda girl. So hang in there, have some faith in me and strap in for the ride. **

**Thanks Lillie Cullen for Beta'ing this between packing and leaving for vacation. Hope you are eating a Dole Whip, and a plate of Tonga Toast for me bb!!**

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BPOV

I ran. I ran faster than I thought possible and harder than I knew I could. The trees whipped past me in a blur, even to my enhanced eyes and I could hear the cracking and ripping of branches as I tore past them, leaving a wake of tangled brush behind me. Why Charlie? Why then? What would I do now? Seeing him there was so unexpected, and I had run so fast I couldn't even be sure he saw me. Maybe…I had moved at vampire speed. Maybe I had disappeared so quickly all he could perceive was a blur, and he would dismiss the encounter as a raccoon, or a curious and then spooked deer. I could hope. The alternative was something I just couldn't accept. Not then.

I slowed as I neared the house, making note that it was still empty. Like me. Like Charlie.

I was frantic, hysterical even and completely at a loss as to what to do next. Should I tell Carlisle? Pretend it didn't happen? Did Alice know? Where was Edward?

I entered the house, but didn't settle…I flew from room to room over and over; searching, wanting, not sure what for. I just kept moving. If I stopped I would see him again. If I stopped I would remember the look of sadness then shock on his face. He had to have seen me. Or maybe he didn't. It didn't matter I suppose…I saw him and it was both wonderful and terrible, and had the potential to destroy us both. My chest heaved with tearless sobs, as I kept moving, flying from room to room, pushing the thoughts from my mind. Pretending I wasn't falling apart inside. Pretending I hadn't just made a huge, terrible, wonderful mistake.

I moved until it wasn't helping anymore. I ran through the rooms of the prison I should have respected until I could no longer contain the thoughts in the chaos. As the questions and possibilities and anguish engulfed me, I stopped fleeing, falling to the floor, and curling up into myself. I wished to die. I begged death to come for me. My pleads were in vain. I was so consumed with myself that I hadn't noticed the car pull up the drive, or the footsteps coming toward my room, where I had finally fallen to pieces.

My door was open, and a gentle voice called to me as he entered...and immediately a wave of calm washed over me…taking with it the torment, the uncertainty and the guilt. But, it wouldn't take the need. Nothing…would quench the need.

"Jasper…please," I breathed, my head swimming with the artificial tranquility. He crossed the room swiftly, scooping me into his arms, and embracing me, further enhancing the effect. He was trying harder…pushing harder. He must have felt it…the need…the deep seeded need that no amount of forced calm was going to soothe. It didn't stop him from trying though, and for that I would always be grateful.

"What happened Bella?" He asking soothingly, smoothing my hair with his strong hand as he held me tighter. I tried to speak, but my voice was silent, and again I felt the dry sob welling up within me. Jasper rocked me softly, and pulled my face into his chest. "Relax..." he urged, "Let me soothe you. Let me have it Bella…let me take it."

Again, as I had so many times in the weeks since my change, I let him have the hurt…I gave my damaged and bleeding soul to him to soothe. And he did, it all washed away.

Except for the need. The need was still there.

Finally, when I could manage to speak, I told him.

"Charlie…," I whispered, and his breathing stopped. "He was at the river…I didn't know. He may have seen me…and he was crying Jasper, and he looked so…broken." My calm waivered despite Jasper's best efforts to maintain my control. Jasper once again buried my face against his massive chest as I whispered the final words I could manage.

"I'm so sorry."

I was sorry. I was sorry to myself that I had trusted Edward, and that things had gone so wrong. I was sorry to the Cullens and Jasper who had tried so hard to make the most of this messed up situation and welcome the new member to their group that they weren't expecting and may not have even wanted. But most of all I was sorry to Charlie, who was grieving and broken and crying next to the river where his daughter's body wasn't, and never had been, and for hurting him all over again at a point when he may have been starting to heal. I was just so….sorry. And something else. I was…needing.

"Bella…it's okay…we want you here. We all love you, and will work through this. We've been through this before, and worse. Please…please…" Jasper's hand stroked my hair in long slow strokes and he murmured words of encouragement in my ear - promising me that things would be fine. That I would be fine. That Charlie…would be fine. Soon, I was once again left with nothing but calm. And need. And I pulled away to look into Jasper's honey colored eyes.

He smiled…a warm and comforting smile that I knew would not hurt me, and would never lie to me. Without Jasper and his unwavering support, I don't know what would have become of me…and now as I became aware of his iron arms wrapped around me…and his strong and capable body pressed against me, I also became aware again of the need.

The smooth firm planes of his chest felt comforting, familiar. His arms were wrapped around me, and I needed that. I needed to be touched, loved. Needed to be adored by someone I trusted; someone who had never hurt me or betrayed me. Someone who felt solid, someone who felt like… Edward.

The need flared…rising within me, becoming a wave of desire capable of breaking through his efforts, and drowning us. Without thinking, I pressed my lips to his marble chest…kissing him through the thin fabric of his t-shirt and was fueled further when his breath hitched and he pulled me closer.

"Bella…" he whispered, pleading, but it was no use. My lust had consumed us both.

My hands fisted into his shirt, growling and pulling him down to me as I locked eyes with his, both of us panting, squirming and…needing. Slowly, I drew his lips closer to mine.

Just before they touched…just before I would know the feeling of his breath against mine, he pulled back, suddenly disentangling himself from my grasp, and abruptly appearing at the opposite side of the room. I gasped at the loss of him in my arms…and the sudden emptiness it left in my heart. He watched me intently, as I felt the waves of soothing, only he could provide, radiating from where he stood. He wouldn't soothe my need, but he would not leave me.

As I calmed to a reasonable level, I heard the sound of tires on the driveway, driving fast, much faster than usual. It was Edward's car. Immediately I felt eager, and the need flared stronger than ever.

Jasper smiled knowingly and crossed the room, taking my tiny hands in his. He dipped his eyes to find mine, beckoning them to meet his.

"It's not me you need Bella," his eyes were gentle, but resolved. "It's not me."

He kissed the back of my hand lightly and turned to leave the room, pausing for a second with his back to me, and then closing the door behind him.

It wasn't even a moment before I heard Edward's voice booming up the stairs.

"Jasper!! If you so much as fucking touched her I will tear you to pieces!!!"

A scuffle moved across the hallway as the two men engaged in a conversation I could only hear half of. Edward's voice echoed through the house.

"You better fucking believe I'm upset, why wasn't I called immediately?!?!"

"Tell me Jasper…tell me exactly what happened!"

And then there was silence.

The silence was broken when a sound like nothing I had ever heard bellowed from Edward...it was anguish and anger. He had seen what had almost happened with Jasper, I couldn't find it in myself to feel sorry for him. Even now as I listened to him hurting and vengeful, I was still too confused, terrified and angry to be the comfort he was looking for.

"Don't you dare try to subdue me with your _gift_ Jasper. You both have something to answer for and I won't be talked down."

Suddenly, the door to my room flew open and Edward stood, looking to me with eyes full of hurt and betrayal. He looked empty. He looked broken. He looked like Charlie had looked as he wept for me next to the river.

My lips set into a firm line and I squared my stance.

I expected him to leave the room, I expected him to sit defeated in the corner. What I didn't expect was for him to come to me…and before I could process what was happening I was pinned against the wall with his long, lean body pressed against me. His face was contorted with pain and rage and was merely inches form mine. The intensity of his stare grew and was too much. I tried to look away but Edward's hand caught my face, holding it… keeping our eyes fixed to each other's.

"You tried to give yourself to him…but you won't even look at me." His strong voice broke as he challenged me with the truth.

His arm wrapped around me, roughly pulling me tighter against him as his hand desperately tried to urge my face upward. He was angry, but he was needing too. With too much force and too much need, he crashed his lips into mine.

My head swam with surprise and uncertainty as he tried to kiss me, willing me through sheer tenacity to return the gesture. A growl built within him as he continued his attempt, pressing his lips harder against mine, moving them and whimpering against my mouth. There was a time when all I could dream about was his lips on mine, but that time had long passed, and this was not the way I wanted to fill my need. Something…was off.

I wanted to return his kiss, to soften his rough demeanor and satisfy the need within us both, but I didn't want to be _that_ girl. The girl who is hurt by the man she loves and trusts but keeps coming back for more. I wanted him to earn my trust, deserve my love so that I would know I had made the choice. And this didn't feel like a choice. This moment wasn't right, I was sure of that.

It was his fault. It was his fault I wanted him so desperately but had to keep resisting him. It was his fault I had just made a fool of myself, and hurt people I cared about by having so little control and looking to Jasper for more than he was willing to give. Jasper would forgive me, but Alice….It was his fault I was such a mess, had so little control over what my brain should have rationally told me what the right thing to do. It was his fault everything was so messed up, and for that, he couldn't have me now. I wouldn't let him. I wouldn't reward him for hurting me, and I wouldn't reward myself for acting like a child and hurting others. Using all my strength, I pushed him away.

Frustrated, defeated and with no fire left in his eyes, he left. I watched through the window as he crossed the back yard and disappeared into the trees.

My eyes focused on the place where he had become one with the forest and waited for him to come back out. I scanned the perimeter restlessly, searching for some movement, waiting for him to emerge. I was so absorbed in my fruitless vigil that I didn't notice the sounds of the house filling once again with activity as the Cullens arrived home. And, I missed the sound of tires on the gravel driveway that would have been one car too many. I was, however, pulled from my place deep within by the relentless pounding on the front door. The voice that boomed through the house once it was opened, took my breath away, and shattered me into pieces all over again.

"Where the hell is my daughter!?!?"

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**A/N- I'm almost afraid to ask for reviews, but I am curious as to what you guys are thinking of things about now...so what the heck *puts on flame proof suit*, drop me a note and say whats on your mind! Please. Pretty please.  
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	25. Emancipation

_**Disclaimer-Still not mine.**_

_**A/N- Thanks to my Fabu-beta Lillie Cullen for fixing my boo boo's and thanks to Lea for keeping me writing, and making sure I get this done before heading to Oz to harass her in person ( 34 days and counting babe!). And a big thanks to all of you readers for your support and kind words! **_

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Chaos. Pure and utter chaos.

My mind was reeling with the situation at hand, and the situation that had only barely begun to pass. Edward was gone. Charlie was here. I was…alone. Alone in a house full of similar creatures; like minded, like bodied and all focused on containing the threat that had just stormed into the house. He was here because I was. But he didn't know that. Not really. And, I didn't want him to know. As much as I loved him and as deeply as I missed the father that I had just begun to reacquaint with, I didn't want him here. I didn't want him to be part of this life and see me this way.

This was a world he couldn't safely and sanely be a part of. It really would be best for everyone if he believed I was gone and moved on with his life. And it took him, being here in a room full of creatures like me, for me to realize that. I wanted him to leave. I wanted him far away from here and as quickly as possible. I knew the draw of human blood first hand and although the Cullens were all very well controlled, I didn't want him anywhere near us.

Slosh…slosh…slosh…

His heartbeat beckoned me, but at the same time disgusted me. Two weeks ago I would have ripped the door to shreds as I tore through it in a desperate attempt to taste the delicious fluid that coursed through his veins. But now…I was better controlled and I could discern his scent form other humans. He was home. He was me. And I didn't think I would ever hurt him. I hoped not anyway.

Slosh ..slosh…slosh…slosh..

His heartbeat was wet and steady. The sound felt oddly out of place here.

The voices were growing in intensity and I listened now as the sound of his heartbeat both accelerated and began…moving…

"I saw her!" He yelled, his heavy footsteps now frantically moving through the house; punctuated by the clatter of closets and cupboards opening and closing, and the softer, more subtle footsteps of the Cullens moving behind him, their voices trying to soothe him, placate his determination.

"Charlie..." Carlisle's calmest voice reasoned. "I believe you saw her, I do. But your daughter isn't here Charlie…she isn't here."

And it was true in a way. The daughter he knew was no longer here. I was someone else now.

"Bullshit!" Charlie challenged. "I know what I saw god damnit. It was her. You have her somewhere, what have you freaks done with her? Where is Edward? I have some questions for him!"

Edward was gone.

The chaos moved closer, now making its way through the second floor. Doors continued to open and slam - Charlie's heavy footsteps and pounding heart only building in intensity as he continued his search.

"Chief Swan," Carlisle's voice pleaded, "I promise you sir, you're not going to find what you're looking for here."

That was true. The truest words any of them had spoken yet.

"I will determine that for myself." His gruff and beautiful voice snapped back.

I looked at the open window and considered running. I should. I should jump out now while he was distracted and run. I could disappear into the forest the way Edward had. I could wait…and come back when he'd left. Or…I could keep running and leave this whole tangled mess behind me.

It was tempting. .Tempting. A fresh start, on my own somewhere. It sounded so very tempting. But it also sounded…lonely, and cowardly. No. I had to stay and try. I had to fix the mess I'd made. Like Edward, who was…gone.

And there was another reason I couldn't leave. Not right now. Charlie was here, and although I wanted him gone, I couldn't tear myself away from the sound of his voice and his scent, and the steady moist beating of his heart. It kept me riveted to the spot, captive but terrified. It was hauntingly beautiful, and as much as it tormented me, I knew I would miss it dearly when he was gone.

The clatter and commotion continued…systematically moving from room to room closets opened and closed, clothes being moved around, but the intensity was waning. His footsteps were slowing and the once frantic pace of his breaths were deeper now, steadying into the gruff pattern of a man exhausted and nearly defeated. He was slowing, but he was still moving closer.

His solid boots rattled the floor as he climbed the last set of stairs and rounded the corner to the hallway, nothing but a flimsy door and several steps separating us. The lithe footsteps of the Cullens surrounded him, the contrast of their movements so obvious to me. I wondered if Charlie really listened…if he could hear how they didn't make a sound, at least not to his human ears.

"Bella…hide," I heard Alice whisper, clear as day to my ears.

At the other end of the hall, Edward's closet opened and closed. Charlie's boots paused. He touched nothing else in the room, and the slow pattern of his breath changed yet again, but this time the catch as he inhaled, punctuated by the raspy sound of him sniffling broke the bond I had welded to the floor, freeing me from the place I had become rooted. Suddenly, I found myself at my closed door, frozen again, but willing him closer. I had never seen Charlie cry before this day, before the river, and knowing how my death had broken him made it hard to stay away, hard to keep myself from flinging open the door and giving him what he sought…what would free him from the sadness and grief. But I couldn't. I knew he didn't belong in this world and the part of me that wanted him happy and wanted him back also wanted him to go away; flee quickly and not come back. Ever. I held my breath as I listened to him move closer and stop just outside my door.

As the knob turned, and the door slowly opened, I forced myself to move, plastering my body to the wall behind the door, as it slowly swung open, concealing my form behind it.

The sniffling had turned to quiet gasps as Charlie stood just inside the doorway, mere inches from me, but a lifetime away. Lightly, and slowly I raised my hands, pressing them to the thin piece of wood that now was the only thing between me and him. Heat from his body soaked right through the wood, and my head swam with his delicious, yet forbidden scent.

Charlie took two steps into the room and stopped, his fruitless frenzy having run its course, leaving a wake of emptiness behind. Still as a statue I remained hidden as he took a few deep breaths, ran his fingers through his thinning hair and turned, trudging the two steps back to the hallway, his feet now dragging with the weight of resignation. He wouldn't find me here. I knew it, the Cullens knew it, and now, at last Charlie knew it too.

His daughter was dead. I was no longer that girl.

"She's not here," he sobbed, finally broken as the Cullens led him back down the stairs to where the others waited. Carlisle's calming voice uttered words of support and kindness as they led him into the living room. The sofa gave an awkward groan as Charlie slouched into it roughly.

"I saw her…" Charlie insisted, though with less conviction. "She was right there. I know it was her."

"I believe you," Carlisle assured. I could picture his years of soothing broken humans coming into play. He would be leaning toward Charlie, his eyes would be soft and kind, perhaps he would reach across and make physical contact, a hand on the shoulder, rubbing reassuringly as he listened with a sympathetic ear. I couldn't help but admire him. He was a strong man, kind and gentle and completely worthy of the respect he was afforded. I could see why the Cullens all admired him so.

Charlie's sobs were weakening and Alice's tiny footsteps moved across the house, then back, ending in the whoosh sound of a tissue being pulled from the box. These vampires truly thought of everything.

"It's not uncommon to see a loved one who has passed Charlie, and I for one believe those closest to us do in fact visit us after death, to bring us closure and reassurance."

"She looked beautiful," Charlie sighed resigning to Carlisle's words. "She was the same, but…different. But still my angel."

Charlie was two floors below me, calming, finding some peace, but I was anywhere but a peaceful place. The turmoil within me flared with every word he spoke. I wanted him to miss me, but I wanted him to let me go. I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to be happy too.

Carlisle's voice continued its efforts, slowly convincing Charlie that the ghost of his daughter wanted him to move on, to find peace. There would be no real peace for either of us, not quite yet. Someday maybe, but no, not yet.

I sat on the floor, curled into a ball, rocking myself, but finding no comfort. I tried not to listen, but couldn't stop because the sound of him soothed my need. I sat and rocked and tried to pretend I wasn't dying for a second time as I listened to my father lose me all over again, as I listened to him…let me go.

The talking seemed to go on forever, but no time at all and at last the front door opened and closed and the sound of his engine slowly faded into the distance.

And still I sat and rocked.

Tiny, graceful footsteps made their way up the stairs and a fraction of a second later Alice's petite frame appeared in my doorway.

"Bella…" Alice breathed, "He's gone honey, are you okay?"

She crossed the room and kneeled down beside me. Her eyes were calm and warm. She regarded me with a kindness I neither expected nor felt I deserved.

I wasn't okay, but I was still there. And that was something.

"Do you need anything?" She asked, brushing my hair behind my ear.

And I did. The need was all I had now. I had other emotions, but there were so many and they flickered so quickly. The need however was always there, growing stronger by the moment. It was the one emotion I was completely sure of, and knew was real and true.

I needed calming, I needed comfort. I needed to be held and soothed and loved. I needed Edward.

I flew to my feet in a frenzied gesture, desperate to soothe the ache, fill the void. I began a search of my own, rummaging wildly through the house just as Charlie had, in a search that I knew would ultimately be just as fruitless, but that I still couldn't stop myself from doing. I looked for him, frantically, although I knew he wasn't there. My mind wouldn't accept that he had run from me. He had promised he wouldn't - he _must_ still be here somewhere. Alice watched me as I tore through the house searching every closet, every bedroom, and every corner once then twice. She watched me sadly, but she didn't try to stop me. She knew it would do no good. After I had looked, everywhere, twice, I collapsed, my chest heaving in dry sobs. He had left me. After all his trying, all his promises, all his determination. He had left.

I had pushed him away.

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**_E/N- Reviews are win! There are only 2-3 more chapters and an epilouge to go, so things will start moving more quickly from here._**

**_If you havent already checked out Lillie Cullen's original work Manhunt, run don't walk to _****www(dot)textnovel(dot)com/stories_list_?story_id=1521 (You know the drill of removing the (dot )'s…). **and give it a read, if you love it, which Im sure you will, please vote and follow the story. Lillie is currently in the running to win a publishing contract, and can use your support! The contest ends November 1st, so its the last yard of the homestrecth. Lets rally to support one of our own wonderful fanfic authors in this exciting endeavor!


	26. Devotion

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilightish, I just play with the characters for my own personal amusement. **_

_**Thanks to my beta-extraordinaire - Lillie Cullen. And a big thanks to my girl Lea ( 24 days to Aussie babe! Squee - hope you'll be ready for me!) and also to both her and Julie for tolerating my neurosis about this chapter and encouraging me to write it as I see it and not cave to fears of being stoned or worse- crabby reviews. **_

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Hours passed and still I sat, legs pulled into my chest, making my body as small as possible. Willing myself to disappear and leave this whole tangled mess behind me. Alice's tiny voice pulled me from the depths of my mind, where I had been trying desperately to contain my swirling emotions into a mask of numbness that would protect me and the people I still had left in my life.

"Bella?" She was next to me, where she had sat for the hours I had spent in my frozen state. She never left my side, and until this moment had not spoken. She just sat with me.

Finally, I raised my head and took a deep breath, but didn't meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry Alice…about…um…" I had trouble getting the words out, but knew I owed it to Alice to make amends. To be sure she knew I was sorry. "I'm sorry about Jasper. I don't know what happened."

I paused, waiting for her to be angry, or at least for the awkward silence that was sure to follow. I expected some recourse; sadness…something. What I didn't expect was what she did next. Alice giggled, and wrapped her tiny arm around me, pulling her body next to mine.

"Pffftt," she dismissed once her giggling ceased, "I'm surprised it took you that long."

I looked at her, incredulously.

"Really Bella, don't worry about it. Newborns are crazy. You are gonna have some wild mood swings girl, and in case you hadn't noticed yet, vampires really enjoy sex. I mean…_really_." Her eyes widened and she nodded her little head to further punctuate her point. She leaned in close and giggled again softly before whispering, "In fact, when Rosalie was turned…" she giggled again quietly, her tiny shoulders bouncing with amusement, "I hear she threw herself at Carlisle every day for the first three months."

My eyes widened and a relieved smile crept across my face. "Really??" I whispered, nearly giggling myself at that image .

Rosalie's irritated voice boomed from the floor below, "Jesus Alice, do you have to tell _everyone _that story???"

"Oh yeah," Alice called back, then added, "Oh wait…I may have forgotten to tell the mailman, do you think I should call him? Or I suppose a note would be more appropriate."

"Ha ha," she called back as Alice and I quietly giggled together like two gossiping school girls …like sisters.

After a moment, we quieted again and fell into a comfortable silence. More relaxed now, my mind was starting to let the feelings flood in, bringing with them the questions and uncertainty.

"Alice...what am I going to do?" I was asking her as a friend, but also as a vampire with a gift. If anyone would be able to tell me how to get over this and move forward, it would be her.

She shook her head slowly, side to side, smiling at me sympathetically.

"If I knew Bella…I would tell you, really, but it's just…too hard to see."

She must have been able to see the confusion across my face as she searched my eyes.

"It's hard for me to see newborns clearly…your emotions are too volatile still, making your decisions change too quickly."

That made sense, but didn't help me much. I wanted it to be easy…I wanted _one thing_ to be easy. I wanted Alice to tell me what to do so that things wouldn't feel so messed up. So that I could be happy. She may not be able to use her psychic talents to guide me, but she still had another tool that I realized I really needed just then.

"As a friend Alice…please…what should I do?" She smiled, a big, flooding smile that took over her whole face and touched her eyes. She had hoped I would consider her a friend, and I could honestly say that I did.

"What do you _want_ to do?" she asked.

I sighed, and although I was annoyed by her turning the question back on me, I took a moment to clear my mind and really think about what I wanted.

I wanted to feel better, more stable.

I wanted my family and friends back, though I knew this wasn't possible so I pushed it aside and forced myself to think in the present, decide what I wanted that was feasible.

I wanted Edward. But…I didn't _want_ to want him.

I wanted to feel a sense of belonging, and find my place in this new world.

I took a deep breath. "I want….to move forward," I told her.

I was ready to move forward and figure out what exactly that would mean for me.

She smiled knowingly though I had no way of knowing if she knew something or had just been waiting for me to reach this point. She laid her tiny hand on mine, and squeezed lightly before motioning with her head toward the door.

"So go already…go find what you're looking for." She knew what I was looking for. She knew where the beginning to my future was. She knew I needed to start with Edward.

"Where is he?" I asked.

Her head tilted and her mouth frowned as if I'd just asked a really silly question. I continued looking at her, not sure what I was missing.

"You're a freaking vampire Bella…you _will_ find him. I assure you, he hasn't gone far."

She knew where he was. But she knew I needed to do this myself. Entirely myself.

Suddenly, gratitude and relief welled within me and I threw my arms around her, pulling her into a hug. I may never see Angela again, but I was so incredibly thankful for whatever cosmic force had brought Alice into my life.

She hugged me back, then pulled me to my feet, looping her petite arm through mine as we slowly made our way to the bedroom door and down the stairs. When we reached the yard, I knew right away what she meant. A trace of the sweet smell that would always call to me wafted through the trees, from the south, the direction Edward had gone.

I smiled and Alice nodded.

"And Bella…" she added before releasing my arm at the edge of the woods. "Get what _you_ need. You two still have some work to do. Make sure it gets done."

I nodded quickly and disappeared into the woods, following the trail of desire as I mulled her words over in my head. What did I need? What would I need to move forward…_really _move forward with no more resentment?

As I ran, slowly so that I would have time to think, I pondered. I needed Edward to be sorry. I needed him to realize exactly what he took from me and be sorry. And I needed to be able to trust him. I firmed my resolve as I ran. Yes, I was going to find him, but Alice was right, we were not ready to move forward. Not yet. He had things to answer for, and I wouldn't truly be at peace in this new life until he had.

I continued following the scent through the dense trees, lit only by moonlight, though as clear as a summer's day. The aroma grew stronger and I knew I was very close. Suddenly, I realized where the trail was leading. I had been here before, just once before, and the anger within me began to flare at his choice of where to flee. It may have been irrational, but I didn't care.

As the trees thinned and I crossed into the clearing, Ifound myself standing in front of the small cottage where my heart had stopped and my new life had begun. I was flooded with sadness…and turmoil, and a fair amount of …anger.

"Edward!!!" I yelled. I knew he was in there and he sure as hell knew I was out here. I wouldn't go back into that place, I couldn't yet. He would come to me this time. I had followed him this far, he could come to me now.

Suddenly, the door swung open and he appeared, eyes frantically scanning for just a fraction of a second before fixing on mine. He was surprised. He was relieved. He was a little…scared.

"Bella…" His eyes softened as he took in my demeanor. "Are you okay?"

"No!" I snapped at him. "You left, Edward…you weren't supposed to and you left. And then Charlie showed up and…" my voice trailed off.

Edward's eyes widened in alarm "Charlie?!?!..." I cut him off before he could ask anymore.

"Charlie is fine," I scoffed, "I didn't eat him, and he didn't discover your _secret." _

_Our _secret.

He looked relieved but there was more behind his gaze. He was concerned…about me.

"That must have been very difficult for you…both of you." A flash of sadness washed across his face as he took a few steps toward me.

"You have no idea," I muttered through my clenched teeth and waited for his apology. But it didn't come.

We stood in silence for a few moments before he spoke again.

"What do you need from me Bella?" he asked, humbled, but frustrated. "What will make this better for you? Anything….I will do anything you ask."

"Apologize," I stated simply. "Apologize for stealing me. And mean it."

He let out a deep breath, slowly and looked to the ground. His lips pulled into a tight line, a half smile perhaps as he slowly shook his head from side to side.

"I can't do that, Bella. I can't tell you that I'm sorry I chose you. I can't say that and mean it."

And that was it. He wouldn't be sorry, and I couldn't move forward without it.

I growled in frustration, a long, loud, primal noise that shook the trees around me and rattled the ground. I was angry and driven. I was angrier than I had ever been since my heart stopped, or while it had beat for that matter. And I was driven to get what I needed to move forward. He would be sorry. I would make him sorry. All rational thought was pushed from my mind as a red haze clouded my vision and an intense desire to move…to run, came over me. I roared again as I spun and plunged into the trees running faster than I thought possible. I didn't know where I was running, but my fury and frustration and desperation pushed me forward. Edward's footsteps were heavy behind me, but slowly fading away as I pushed harder and ran faster still.

Yet…he was still following. The creature who I adored and trusted, but betrayed me at my most vulnerable man who wanted me to give him my love and acceptance, when he wouldn't even apologize for stealing my human life.

I wanted him. I hated him.

And then it happened. The smell…the warm and wet and delicious smell that could only be the life force my body most desired wafted through the breeze, beckoning my desperation and promising to soothe my desire. I slowed, but only briefly as some semblance of control, some glimmer of reason tried desperately to take hold. Edward's footsteps approached and he called to me…his voice only further flaring the frenzy.

He _would_ be sorry. And I would be soothed.

The last shred of reason and control waned as instinct took hold, mixing with my rage, now fueling not just my fleeing, but the pursuit. Venom flowed freely, flooding my mouth and drowning my rational thought as the heavenly smell of human blood pulled me faster and faster through the trees.

My senses sharpened, yet dulled, blurred to the point of flickers of images and no reason, while the smells magnified and the sounds of the warm moist beating filled my mind, squeezing out everything else. The forest gave way to a clearing where there was a tent, and a man huddled over a flickering fire, his back to me. He was not a man, he was not a human. He was food. He was relief. He was satisfaction. He was…revenge.

He never saw me coming. Before he knew what was happening, before his human mind could process the noise in the brush behind him, I had him on his feet, gathered against my body. A purr of satisfaction slid from my lips as my teeth melted into his flesh and the liquid began to flow, filling my body, soothing my need, and bringing with it a feeling of contentment and pleasure that I knew animal blood would never bring. It was just as delicious as I knew it would be and yet better than I could have dreamed. The steady yet slowly weakening motion of his heart caused his skin to pulse beneath my lips, and brought fresh bursts of the decadent liquid into my mouth, nourishing my very being.

A shuffle behind me caught my attention, and I spun, my lips still pressed against my prey's neck to see Edward watching from the edge of the clearing.

_Yes Edward, watch me… _my eyes told him. _See what you have created_. And again I waited.

I watched Edward's eyes and waited. I waited for the disgust, and the repulsion. I waited for him to realize I was a monster and that he had done this to me. I waited for him to be angry and hurt and want to cast me aside. I waited for him to be sorry. But as the delicious fluid filled me in a way nothing else ever could, I found something else in his eyes. Acceptance, forgiveness, and …love.

Love….Edward lost control and bit me because of love.

The weight of the body in my arms suddenly became heavier, the gravity of my actions taking hold. Edward bit me, stole my life, made a poor choice… out of love. I had just taken this innocent man's life out of my vengeful need to make him sorry for that love - sorry for losing control and making a choice for both of us in a moment of weakness. A moment of weakness like this one. And I was no better. I was…much, much worse. And I was…so very sorry.

I released my grip on the unlucky human who had been the recipient of my rage, blood lust and lack of control. He slumped to the ground with a thump that rang through my ears and twisted my dead heart into a knot.

My eyes fixed on Edward's. Neither of us moved, locked in a bizarre moment of frozen time. A strangled groan pierced the night air, startling me. The man lying at my feet twitched and arched and moaned, flailing around on the damp earth.

"Oh my God...Oh no.. No..no! No! No!" I cried. "Oh God Edward…No!" I looked to him frantically.

"He is changing. We need to move him. We need to get him to Jasper." Edward's voice was calm.

"No!!" I screamed. "He can't …please…he can't." My eyes pleaded.

"You need to finish Bella…finish the blood or he will change." Edward motioned toward the man writhing in agony. "Hurry…something needs to be done soon, or it will be too late to stop."

I looked at the man again, his face contorted with pain and fear. I froze…I couldn't bring myself to touch him again. I had already done too much. I couldn't kill him, and I couldn't let him live. I couldn't make the choice for him. I just couldn't.

"I can't Edward…I can't…Oh God, please Edward…I can't do it." I cried, my chest heaving with broken, tearless sobs as I begged him to help me, to help my victim who lay clinging to the thin thread between our two worlds.

Edward's eyes studied mine carefully, for a fraction of a second before he silently crossed the clearing to the man at my feet and picked him up.

"Turn away Bella," he muttered. I closed my eyes, burying my face in my hands, but still heard the spine chilling crack as Edward snapped his neck. I heard him moving around quickly, things tearing, tree branches cracking and dirt being stirred. And something else…a sweet smell. The smell of something burning.

I couldn't look. I couldn't face my weakness. I couldn't face the consequences of my own choices.

Edward's voice spoke sweetly, close to my ear.

"It's done Bella….it's over."

I threw myself into his arms, burying my face against his firm chest, breathing in his soothing scent, willing time to turn back, but this time, for someone else.

Edward stroked my hair, and held me tightly.

I pulled back to look into his eyes. "What have I done, Edward…Oh no…what have I done?"

"Shhhh…It's okay…It's over," he crooned, pulling me closer and swaying us gently.

But it wasn't over. And it never would be over. This was my new life, and I was a killer. We both were. We always would be. We could choose not to drink human blood, but deep down we would always want to. We could choose to try to make the best decisions we could, but in the end we would still be impulsive…and….imperfect. Edward was imperfect, and I was too.

I buried my face against him again. "I'm sorry Edward…I'm so sorry."

"Me too," he whispered. "I'm sorry you are hurting, and I'm sorry you were unprepared and… I'm sorry that I am not yet the man you deserve." His voice broke as he continued, "But I will never be sorry I chose you, that I bit you, and that I want to spend eternity by your side, and for that I am also sorry. I'm sorry that I _can't _be sorry for that, because it seems that's what you need."

I raised my head to look into the eyes of my sire. He wasn't perfect, and no, he was not yet the man I deserved, but he would spend eternity by my side learning how to be that man. And I, in turn, knew that this was where I rightfully would spend my eternity, wrapped in the arms of my imperfect match, both of us growing and learning together.

"I need _you, _Edward," I whispered. "The rest….we'll figure out."

He smiled, and his eyes glowed in a way I'd never seen. And in that moment I realized that something was missing, something I had been feeling so strongly and had been driving me…the need was gone.

I no longer felt the desperate sense of need and longing. There, in Edward's arms, I felt complete.

I turned to look at the man who had unknowingly become the catalyst for my revelation and said a silent prayer for his soul and his family. And I vowed in that moment that he would be the only human life I would ever take. I realized now how easy it was to lose control, but I also knew that with the help of my new family,I could find the strength to not lose control that way again. The man lying in the smoldering embers was somebody's Charlie, and he would never ever leave my thoughts. His death was tragic, and humbled me.

I looked back to Edward whose eyes were still alive with new hope, but also sadness, for he knew this human's death was a burden I would carry always. It was a feeling he, too, was familiar with.

I found myself suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed. I held my hand out to Edward.

"Take me home?"

"Of course" he nodded and took my hand. But instead of leading me into the forest, he met my eyes and gently pulled me closer, lifting my body and slinging me across his back. I laced my fingers together around his strong neck, as his hands slid under my knees. Resting my head against his shoulder, I closed my eyes, letting the wind in my hair and the heavenly smell of my mate soothe me as he ran.

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_**E/N - Whew! So that was the last angst riddled chapter, I promise! I know a few of you are going to be upset about Bella killing a human, but I really didn't feel I could do a realisitc-ish story about a newborn vampire without a human death. Plus- I think Bella really needed the experience of being over come and losing control to finally be able to relate to Edward and begin to move forward. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!  
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	27. Reconnection

_**Disclaimer: None of the fun parts of this are mine. Like the Edward. *sigh***_

_**A/N - Yes FINALLY an update! I know I've been a super slacker , but as promised to those who wrote and bugged me- it WAS coming. This chapter was actually done nearly a month ago, but I knew that if I posted it without the next one I would get hate mail. You'll know why when you get to the end. And You'll hopefully be totally supportive of my decision to wait to post it until I had the next chapter done as you hit next and imagine the hate mail you would have sent me in your mind. Hee hee. **_

_**Thanks to my beta Lillie Cullen, who is super fast. **_

BPOV

Three days. It had been three days since I lost control and took the life of a human. Alice was there to greet Edward and I when we returned as were the rest of my new family. Family. I didn't know them very well yet, and hadn't grown up with them, nor was I related to any of them. But as they all stood in the yard and then rushed to meet us as we emerged from the trees, I knew they would be the only family I would need for the rest of eternity.

Alice threw her tiny arm around me, helping me off Edward's back and pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Oh Bella…" she crooned. There were no more words needed.

Carlisle crossed the space of the yard instantly, and met eyes with Edward for an moment before reaching out and resting a hand on his shoulder. They exchanged a silent, solemn conversation, after which Edward simply closed his eyes and nodded slightly. Carlisle then turned to me, his face softening into a look of understanding and acceptance that I didn't deserve but welcomed whole heartedly. Carlisle was controlled beyond any vampire any of the Cullen's had ever known,yet there would be no judgment from him. He was truly an extraordinary being. He reached out, taking each of my hands in his and squeezed them gently as he spoke.

"Bella…," his topaz eyes sparkled with sincerity, "It's been a difficult night." I nodded. _Difficult _seemed a bit of an …understatement. "I need to take care of a few things, but will be back shortly. I speak for the entire family…your family…when I say that we will do whatever we can to help you cope with the events. You are one of us, and we are all here for you."

He pulled me into his arms, hugging me softly and then turned to face the others. His voice was gentle and calm, but the authority still rang in every word.

"I would imagine Edward and Bella would like some time together. I expect everyone to respect that."

I thought I heard Alice grumble as Edward scooped me into his arms and carried me upstairs.

I was thankful for vampire speed when I felt my soft bed beneath me less than a second later. My heavy body sank into the plush bedding, the bundles of fiber cradling me and bringing an immediate soothing that was only intensified by the feeling of Edward's strong body wrapping around mine. In one motion he circled his arm around my waist from behind and pulled me snuggly against him. Our bodies fit perfectly together. They were stone and unyielding yet each contour of mine, complimented his.

As if…we were made for each other.

I lay there in his arms and closed my sleepless eyes and let my mind be still. So much had happened and so many emotions and feelings had assaulted my senses in the past few hours that I just wanted to be still. I knew I would have things to process, consequences to face and questions to ask. But right then, just for a while, I needed peace. And I needed to be loved. In Edward's arms, I found both.

We lay in silence for the first day. Our bodies perfectly in tuned with each other- our breaths came as one, and our hearts echoed the same stillness. His long fingers gently traced the contours of my arm and side, occasionally skirting my hip. Tenderness, acceptance and love radiated from his fingertips as he nurtured me in an elaborate exchange of communication that needed no words.

On the second morning the sun broke through the clouds. I began to feel more aware as the numbness I had swaddled myself in started to recede. As the rays of sunlight slowly began creeping across my body they brought warmth and beauty. I looked down at my hand, tightly twined with Edward's and I felt his breath catch. It was the first time I had moved since he formed himself around me.

As I watched the rays of light dance across our stone skin in glistening patterns of brilliance, I was reminded of my new form. I was no longer human. I would never again be human, and that….was okay. Edward's agile fingers squeezed mine gently, and I returned the gesture. Having our hands wound together, both shimmering, both amazingly beautiful reminded me that I wasn't alone. We weren't human. We were different. But together…we were complete.

As the veil lifted further, images of the man in the forest began to resurface. I wondered who he was. Did he have a family? Did he know he was dying? Would he have…forgiven me?

"Thank you Edward," I whispered and nestled myself further against him. "You didn't have to help me, and I didn't deserve your kindness. I know…that wasn't easy for you."

He nuzzled his face into my hair, inhaling deeply before responding.

"I will always be here for you Bella, right by your side." His voice was velvet and I closed my eyes, taking in the words as he spoke." What we face, we face together; the joyous… and the difficult."

And I knew he was right. He had been there when I snapped, he had helped me finish what I couldn't and now he was right here, holding me tightly as I dealt with what was to come. This wouldn't be the joyous. This was the difficult. But he was here by my side where he belonged. The new sense of security that brought gave way to an easy conversation. We talked about his love for the human me and his regret again at not getting more time with that girl. He expressed his frustration with himself and his impatience as well as the regret at some of the decisions he had made since then. He knew he still had a lot to learn about me and about being in love. And we talked about things that were said and done since my change. Things we both regretted and misunderstood. He apologized for the day in the meadow when he spoke of past lovers. There had been three. And he had only been with them each one time. There was something missing from the encounters that left him feeling empty, and he had discovered what that was as soon as he laid eyes on me: Love. I had misinterpreted his comments about the tramp, and he in turn agreed that he wasn't very sensitive about his disclosure and hadn't realized I had assumed something different than he was inferring. I was still a little jealous over not having been his first, but when I looked in his eyes, there was no way I could question the fact that I would be his last.

We talked, and laughed and held each other through the night and basked in the soothing warmth of yet another beautiful and clear sunrise. The warmth brought new optimism that day, bathing me in feelings of hope and contentment as it once again crept its way up my body inch by inch until Edward and I were once again illuminated in dazzling colors.

My head turned instinctively toward the door when I heard the heavy footsteps ascending the second flight of stairs leading up to our floor.

"It's Emmett," Edward confirmed unnecessarily. I knew all of the Cullen's unique sounds by then.

His sturdy footsteps stopped just outside the closed door.

"Thank you ," Edward spoke toward the door, and kissed the top of my head as he slid off the bed and crossed the room at human speed. Just as he reached the door, something slid underneath, and I heard Emmett turn, heading back down the stairs.

Edward picked up the item and folded it into his hand as he reappeared next to me in a flash. Standing next to the bed, he slowly brought the object from behind him into my view.

"What is it?" I asked twisting my head to see what he held.

"The newspaper," he responded cautiously. It only took me a moment to understand his hesitation.

"Oh," I muttered, my eyes dropping to the stack of folded papers in his hand which certainly held not only answers but perhaps more questions. I knew these would come with a great deal of sadness, but would bring me closure. I needed to know the man in the forest.

He reached his hand out to me, and I accepted, following him as he led me off the bed and onto the floor in front of the window. He sat, pulling me onto his lap in the same place we had sat before. The place I sat to find comfort and reflect. Only this time, I didn't feel alone.

I curled into a ball against him, wrapping my arms around his firm body as he unfolded the newspaper and began to read. I listened intently, and he held me close with one arm as he shared the details of the man whose life ended so mine could begin. A few sentences into the article his other arm dropped, joining the first to cradle me against his chest as he continued to disclose the information. He didn't need to read, he had already heard the details in the thoughts of the others.

Ronald Morgan was a 53 year old machinist who was hunting in the woods with his long time friend, who had cut the trip short and gone home early due to illness. Ronald had planned to pack up and head home the next morning. He had been recently divorced, was the father of two sons, and had three granddaughters. He liked to hunt and built model trains in his spare time.

Edward didn't tell me the specifics of how they had speculated he died, and simply stated that it had been taken care of, and no questions were being asked. Someday I would ask him about the cover-up, but not that day. I didn't want to think about Ronald's death, I wanted to reflect on his life.

I sat in Edward's arms for some time thinking about the man and his family. I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be, having found some measure of acceptance in learning the details. I took a deep, cleansing breath and let the remaining tension and regret flow out of me with the air.

Edward reached down gently cupping my face in his hand and lifted my chin to look into his eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Bella. You were out of control and acting just as a newborn would. If anyone is to blame, it would be me."

His eyes burned with such conviction that I knew he meant his words. He held himself responsible for what had happened, every bit as much as I did. But as his topaz eyes smoldered and swirled with his need for me to let go of the guilt, I knew that it didn't matter whose fault it was. I didn't care who was responsible and how it happened. What was important in that moment was the future. And one thing I knew without a doubt about the future is that I would not be in this position again. Nor would I ever give Edward cause to feel the depth of guilt he was feeling as that moment. Not only for the life lost, but for the weight I would carry with me, possibly forever.

"I won't take another human life," I proclaimed.

His face softened and the corners of his mouth turned into a sweet smile. But it was patronizing; the look of a parent trying to placate a petulant child.

My eyes narrowed and my lips set. "I won't, Edward. I know it in my bones."

He regarded me carefully for a moment, his eyes searching mine before focusing into a look of resolve I knew matched my own. He brought my hand to his lips, kissing it softly as he looked up through his eyelashes and grinned. "I believe that you won't, my love." He whispered, his lips fluttering against my skin as he spoke.

His cool breath blew across my skin, stirring warmth within me. My breath caught and I bit my lip as the warming sensation spread. With his full lips still grazing my skin, a slight smirk worked at the corners of his mouth and his eyes began to darken.

I suddenly became hyper-aware of his proximity. I could feel the planes of his chiseled torso pressed against my upper arm, and his breathing had become deeper and ragged. My own quickened breaths brought his scent into me, filling me with the intoxicating aroma that had always drawn me to him and that now I found even more irresistible than before. Slowly he raised his lips from where they were hovering above my hand, and his eyes, now fully sheathed in black desire, locked onto mine.

My senses burned with need as the warmth spread to fill every inch of my body. Edward's hand that was resting splayed against my back twitched, and flexed, hungrily seeking more, becoming the catalyst for the surrender of our restraint. I moaned softly as his fingertips pressed against my body and with that moan his desire consumed him and in an instant our lips were joined. He had turned me to face him, wrapping my legs around his waist and clutching me tightly with his strong arms as he kissed me with a need and passion I had never dreamed possible. My hands, also clutching, just as needy, made their way to his hair, grabbing and tugging as I wrapped my legs tighter around him, desperate to get closer still. His lips left mine, but only to travel hungrily down my neck, kissing and nibbling as he growled against my now heated flesh. I sighed and groaned in response to his actions.

"Bout damn time," I heard Emmett mutter from three floors below. Nothing escaped the super sensitive ears of the vampire. Perhaps I should have been uncomfortable with their ability to hear every moan, and every whimper of desire and need. But I wasn't.

I threw my head back letting a long and proud "Fuck yeah" roll out of my parted lips and charge through the house, practically shaking its very foundation and vibrating through the walls echoing back to me, fueling my euphoria.

They could listen. I didn't care. I needed Edward surrounding me and nothing would stop it this time.

Then another voice.

"Oh…I'm so happy for them. They truly belong together," Esme's gentle voice crooned. "Isn't it wonderful, Carlisle?"

Oh yeah, nothing would stop it this time. Except that.

I froze, as did Edward, his lips still pressed against my neck but now motionless. He may not have been able to read my mind, but he mirrored my thoughts precisely when he murmured. "Perhaps somewhere more…private would be in order."

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_**A/N See? Bet you are happy I waited now right?That was seriously just a mean place to leave it. You can review and tell me that if you like *grin***_


	28. Fusion

_**A/N - Not mine. **_

_**This chapter goes out to Jill who planted the seed for the house idea. And to Julie who kept asking about this chapter and worked to keep my dying Twilighted thread alive. And of course...to my girl Lea, master of the squinty eyes, who continues to inspire and encourage my bouts of creativity, and without whom this story would have never come to be. Love ya hard bb ! MWAH **_

_**This is the last "real" chapter. An epilogue will follow shortly and then I will be able to label this complete! Yay! **_

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BPOV

"Get a room!" Emmett's playful voice teased as we ran from the house. His booming laughter followed us well into the woods as we fled.

I didn't know where he was taking me, but it didn't matter. My desire was still coursing heavily through me and his delicious scent filled me with every breath.

The cool night air became thicker as we moved deeper into the forest. The smell of nearby prey called to me. I would need to hunt soon, but not yet. The need consuming me at that moment had nothing to do with blood.

We moved slowly, for vampires, ghosting through the damp forest quietly and efficiently. Edward held my hand as we ran, glancing over his shoulder at me every few minutes. His golden eyes glowed with adoration and as we made our way deeper into the brush, a new sentiment shone through: Excitement.

The path was familiar, and already laden with Edward's scent. I found myself slowing involuntarily as I realized where we were heading. He wouldn't, would he? Yes, it was private and yes it was ours, but surely he would not be taking me to the little house in the woods. Not now.

Sensing my reluctance, Edward turned to me, his eyes gentle and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Just trust me, okay?" he pleaded softly as his lips turned into a sweetly humble smile.

As we passed through the clearing, I found myself standing once again in front of the little cottage in the woods. It was quaint, cozy and unassuming, yet anything but. We stood together for a moment, looking at the house before Edward tugged gently on my hand, urging me forward.

"I need you to see…" he motioned his head toward the door. When I didn't move, he turned his body to face mine fully, taking both of my hands in his. He bowed his head slightly to meet my eyes. "Please."

I took a deep breath and nodded slightly. His face lit up at once, and his quick smile flooded into his eyes as he turned and led me to the porch. I was skeptical, and I was uncomfortable, but I was going to give him a chance.

Edward reached above the door frame and retrieved a key, then quickly unlocked the door, letting it swing open fully. My eyes had barely had a moment to probe inside when I was suddenly swept off my feet. Edward cradled me in his arms, grinning as he carried me across the threshold and set me down. I giggled, not only from the gesture, but in response to the realization of how much my control had grown. A few weeks earlier, a surprise move like that could easily have cost him a limb.

I heard the door close behind me with a soft click, and the sound of the lock turning into place. The sound brought me back to the night in Edward's room. A brief flicker of emotion welled within me, but I quickly suppressed the assault. Edward's lithe and careful footsteps coming to a stop behind me brought my attention to the fact that I hadn't yet looked at the room. My eyes were fixed on a sky blue rug just a few feet in front of me. There was nothing special about this rug, which is exactly why I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was safe. It was normal. It didn't hold any potentially unsettling memories or implications. The same could not be said for the rest of the house.

"Bella…look around love." Edward's melodic voice crooned behind me. "Just look…"

I took a deep breath and forced my eyes upward. They scanned quickly around the space, then landed on the rug again. My frustrated sigh echoed through the room.

"Does it look familiar?" Edward questioned softly, moving closer and carefully placing his hands on my shoulders.

My annoyance was growing.

"Of course is does Edward," I snapped. "This is the place where I ….changed." I gestured sharply toward the room for emphasis.

His large pale hands moved, and he began rubbing small circles along the tops of my shoulders with his fingers. Inch by inch his face moved closer, until his lips were just centimeters from my neck as his fingers continued to caress me. Immediately, I felt calmer with his nearness. My eyes closed as he nuzzled even closer and whispered in my ear.

"Look again."

His cool breath washed across my neck, bringing me a sense of comfort. I sighed softly as his fingers began ghosting down my arms.

I opened my eyes.

The room looked much the same as it had the last time I looked around, but now, through my calmer eyes, I took the time to pay attention to the details. I scanned the room once again. In the center of the room was an archway leading to what looked like a kitchen. It caught my attention.

My mind flickered with recognition, struggling to make sense of something; to form a thought, to make an association that was just out of reach. That archway was so familiar. But it was …different. In my mind it transformed from the sand colored focal point of the room into a different shade. Wallpaper. There should be wallpaper covering that arch. Ugly by any sane person's standards, but for some reason I found the bold striped pattern covering the archway in my mind to be… comforting. I looked more intently at the structure of the room, willing more of the flickers of thought to come; I desperately wanted this association or…memory. This room was so familiar, yet all different. My eyes probed the contents and finally settled on a large oak rocking chair in the corner.

"Oh my god Edward," I gasped, "It's my Gran's chair!" My head whipped around the room frantically, as the pieces fell into place. "This is Gran's house!" I spun, facing him, the astonishment obvious in my face. "You built my grandmother's house!"

"I did," he replied, modestly, smiling sweetly at my excitement.

"But…how? When? How did you know? I just….wow," I stammered, unsure of where to begin the barrage of questions I had.

"I knew it was a place you felt happy and secure. It was a very important place in your human life." And it had been. My grandmother's house had always been my happy place.

"How?" I asked, and I turned to once again look at the room, marveling in the comfort the familiarity did indeed bring to me.

"I knew from your conversations with Charlie that it was a special place, and it wasn't hard to get a hold of the blueprint for the house. Jasper has a knack for paperwork." He chuckled softly as he began moving around the room.

He told me the story of finding the blueprints, and deciding to build the house himself. Alice and Esme insisted on helping decorate, but he was adamant that he would do all the building. I could see the pride in his eyes as he pointed to different features and explained their significance. He told me that the wood mantle over the fireplace was the very same one that was in Gran's house and laughed as he added that he didn't think the current owners of the house would ever notice that their mantle had been switched. The rocking chair he found in the possession of a distant cousin. He figured that person probably _would_ notice it was gone.

As I watched him make his way around the room, and talk about items and my human life and his desire to make my transition as smooth as possible, I was overwhelmed with adoration. And desire. My eyes fixed on his strong jaw, delighting in the way the muscles flexed and moved as he spoke. His movements enchanted me, and I found myself engrossed in the subtle details. The planes of his chiseled chest under his shirt, his long sinuous neck, and at last, his elegant fingers as they trailed along the mantle then stopped. He turned to face me, with his fingers still resting atop the smooth wood, having suddenly sensed being watched intently. He felt it.

I felt it too. My body had been drawn to his from the moment I laid eyes on him. And now, as a being the same as him, the pull was exponentially greater. I had tried to fight it, tried to hate him and tried to pretend I could live an eternity without touching him again. But now I knew, for sure, that the pull toward him was my fate and my salvation. I needed it to survive just as surely as I needed the blood to make me strong.

Edward was clear across the room, yet I had no doubt he could see the desire on my face. My eyes would be black and my breaths were shallow and rapid through my slightly parted lips. As our eyes locked, his darkened as well, and a low vibration welled within me, building steadily into a purr.

His eyes narrowed seductively as a slow smirk spread across his face, and his body gracefully coiled into a crouch. My eyes were drawn to the rippled lines of his strong neck where the muscles tensed and flexed, and as my gaze ascended and stopped at his full lips, they parted slightly and his tongue slipped from between them, barely caressing the contours of his trembling upper lip. My eyes fluttered and a nearly silent moan slipped from within me at the sight. I cocked my head to the side, grinning seductively and biting my lower lip.

That was all it took.

In one swift but amazingly graceful motion Edward flexed and sprang, gliding across the space of the small room. Before I could blink, I was pressed against the solid wooden front door with Edward wrapped around me. His right hand had taken my wrist, and pinned it above my head, and his left arm was curled around my waist. Our short breaths mixed in the small space between our lips, creating a potent mix of need, longing and desire.

With our dark eyes locked, he slowly and methodically moved his body closer, intentionally pressing every inch of it firmly against mine. I gasped, then moaned as his hips flexed, roughly grinding the length of his erection against me.

The moment was taut; and full of an intense need that consumed everything around us. There was no time, no outside world, no anything else. There was only me and Edward and this moment.

I knew my heart was still, yet I could swear there was life coursing through my veins. And as the intensity grew, impossibly, so did the primal rumbling now vibrating through both of us, coming first in waves travelling between us, rolling and alternating in an elaborate dance of instinct before synchronizing into a harmony of sorts, blending together into a tandem chorus of the same frequency. Our bodies were speaking to each other. The fusion was complete.

Inch by inch he moved his lips closer to mine. My chest heaved with the force of my breaths, heavy with anticipation as his full lips stopped, just barely touching, but not completely and then moved, brushing feather light against mine as he whispered, "You are my life now."

And with that, he closed the distance, bringing together not only our lips and tongues, but our bodies and souls. The souls he wasn't sure we had, but in that moment I knew with every ounce of my being existed. I knew they were there. And I knew they were made for each other. I would have chosen him. I would have chosen him even knowing what he was and what I would have to become to be with him. I would have chosen him a thousand times over and I would choose him again; every night, for the rest of our eternity together. Starting with this one.

His hands gripped me tightly, and as our passion grew, his motions became more forceful, and my body responded, calling to him in a primal way, begging him to go further. I writhed against him, and my head fell back against the door as his mouth worked a hungry line down my neck. A soft hiss slipped from within me as his lips skimmed across the crescent shaped, shimmering scar that marked me as his. Edward's body tensed, grinding and pressing me further against the door, causing the wood to groan and flex beneath the force of our bodies as he growled softly…"Mine," and then pressed his silky tongue to the sensitive mark, tenderly tracing across the monument to our forever.

My cold body filled with warmth and a sensation that could only be described as nirvana as his languid tongue flicked across the amazingly sensitive area immersing me in wave after wave of intense pleasure. My eyes rolled back into my head and my toes curled as he wrapped his full lips completely around the crescent and sucked gently, and the only word I knew rolled from my lips …"Edward."

I was so overcome with the sensations that I never felt him shred the clothes from my body, or dispose of his own. His mouth never left my neck yet I become aware of his flesh against mine, and it fueled me further. And made me want more. I wanted to have him, the way he had me. I wanted to claim him and own him. I was his, completely, but he was also mine.

A passionate growl grew from deep within my chest, bellowing through the room as my hands worked themselves into his hair, pulling his face back so I could look into his captivating eyes. They were alive with a fierce black fire I knew only I would ever see. I smirked for just a moment before crashing my lips into his, and rocking our bodies forward, bringing us both to the ground with me straddling him, his arms pinned to the floor above his head. He growled and thrashed beneath me, frantically grinding his erect cock against my now wet folds. I rocked my hips in response, sliding my slick flesh up and down the entire length of him, but stopping before he could slip inside of me.

He whimpered and snarled beneath me, his groans of frustration punctuated with sounds of pure pleasure as I continued teasing him mercilessly.

"Fuck Bella!" He growled and thrashed again, this time gathering up every ounce of strength within him to free his arms and wrap them around me. I relented to his embrace and he pulled me against him, lifting me and kissing me roughly as he rolled us, coming to rest on top of me. I barely had time to notice the soft feel of the fur rug beneath me before I was consumed by the sensation of Edward's cock, plunging deeply into me.

Stars exploded behind my closed eyes and the world became a blur of Edward, movement, and a pleasure so intense my human senses would not have been able to hold it. Each forceful thrust of his hips filled me completely and perfectly and when our lips weren't joined, our moans and pleads filled the space around us.

I gave myself to him, completely, just as I had that first night in his room, only this time was different. There was no holding back, for either of us. The heightened sensation and improved durability of my new body gave Edward the freedom to immerse himself in the moment and with that, he was able to give me pleasures I had never dreamed possible. Time ceased to exist as we joined together again and again in a tangle of limbs and passion that ultimately utilized just about every surface and space of the room.

And after what may have been hours, and could have been days, our union reached its finale across the plush sofa in the center of the room. The fabric tore softly under my grip as my upper body lay across the cushions. My knees made dents in the floor as they rocked back and forth with the force of Edward thrusting into me from behind. His groans became frantic and the tightening within me was once again coiling.

Edward leaned down resting his upper body against mine, and slid his hand between the soft fabric and my body, wrapping his fingertips around my swollen clit. He had worshiped my little bundle of nerves countless times over the course of the night, bringing me to climax after climax with his skillful tongue and just about every other part of his body, yet this time was different. His cock grew larger within me, and warmth began to spread through my body radiating from where we were joined.

His fingers circled my clit as he drove into me deeper and deeper, both of us nearing our peak. His cool breath fanned across my neck as he kissed my back, sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh as our bodies slammed forward, moving the sofa with each thrust. The warmth continued to move through me, smoldering and flaring until it felt as if it flowed through my veins, warming me from the inside out. Suddenly, Edward let out a bellowing growl, and his body tensed, just as he dipped his head around and pressed his lips once again to the scar on my neck, flicking his tongue across it as he buried himself deep inside of me and found his release. Just as before, the sensations of his tongue on the marked flesh brought an intense pleasure for which there were no words. It mixed with the warmth, searing through me as my own orgasm gripped my body in spasms, clenching Edward tightly.

Edward held me tightly for a moment, peppering feather light kisses across my back and shoulders as my muscles slowly relaxed. When we had both recovered, he climbed onto the oversized sofa and gathered me into his arms.

I lay atop his chest, our legs tangled together and my hand tracing across the chiseled muscles of his body. He sighed softly and pulled me closer, burying his face into my hair and kissing me tenderly. His long fingers ran through my hair and traced along my jaw, before making a trail down my neck and circling around the scar. I felt him smile against my hair.

I lifted my head, finding his topaz eyes and raised my eyebrows. The incredible feelings that assaulted me when he kissed my scar had been completely unexpected.

"What….was that?" I asked as my fingers joined his to trace over the now completely benign mark.

His eye softened further as he smiled shyly.

"When a sire claims his mate in a moment of passion…that passion and its pleasure…remain sealed in the mark."

I pondered that for a moment, letting my fingers move across the raised patch of flesh.

"So, it will always feel like that when someone...kisses it?"

His smile grew and I could tell he took pleasure in the next bit of news.

"Not _someone_," he corrected playfully, "only me."

"Oh really?" I jested in return.

"Mmm Hmm," he hummed softly and cradled my face between both of his hands as he brought our lips together, kissing me gently. "It will only respond to _my_ venom. You are my singer Bella, my soulmate."

I sighed softly as his perfect lips ghosted across mine, stirring the longing within me once again. I pulled myself up, bringing our faces together and pressed my lips to his, kissing him fully. Had it been just a minute or two later, we both may have been too preoccupied to notice the vibrating sound coming from the pile of Edward's clothes near the front door.

We tried to ignore it, purposefully intensifying our kissing, but the annoying noise persisted until at last I rolled off of Edward and sat on the floor.

"Answer it," I grumbled, glaring in the direction of the annoyance with my best squinty eyes. "Tell them to go away."

Edward chuckled at my weak attempt at appearing ferocious as he sauntered across the room, completely naked and rummaged through his pants, retrieving the little silver phone.

He flipped it open and put it to his ear, though there was no need. I could hear Rosalie's voice perfectly from across the room.

"Edward, finally!" she snapped.

"Hello Rose," he replied casually, and ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. I made no effort to hide my admiration of his fully nude form.

"Yeah, hi," she quipped. "Remember what we talked about last week? Well, I think its time. I want to do it today."

"Hmmm..." Edward pondered, now admiring my completely nude form as well. I arched my back slightly and ran my fingers around my nipple, eliciting a low groan from my mate.

The voice through the phone continued.

"You've had her holed up in that hut for two days; you guys can fuck like rabbits after we get back. Alice says today will be safe, and I've been dying to do this."

At those words I sighed and rolled off the sofa, springing to my feet and heading toward the little bedroom I knew would be down the hallway. I had no idea what Rose had in mind, but I knew that when Alice said it was a good day, everyone listened, so whatever it was would happen. Today. And, knowing the ways of my new …sister…there would be a fully stocked closet of perfectly fitting and no doubt completely fashionable clothing waiting for me in that room.

Edward appeared in the doorway dressed once again in the intact clothing we arrived in, which somehow managed to escape the shredding fate mine found. He leaned casually against the door frame watching me rummage through the clothes.

"Well?" I asked. "Where are we going?"

Edward's knowing chuckle both amused and worried me.

"Not _we_, my love. Just you."

My eyebrows rose and I nodded for him to continue.

"First we'll hunt, then we'll go back to the house. But after that you're on your own. Rose is taking you …shopping."

"Shopping?" I froze.

"Shopping," he confirmed, grinning widely. "Apparently…you need a new car."

* * *

_**A/N - Thats it for the present folks! The epilogue will be set 40 years in the future. I would love to hear your thoughts!** **Go ahead, hit the review button and leave me some love. Or hate. Hopefully more love than hate. **_


	29. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own it, but have had a wonderful time playing with the characters that aren't mine. A big thanks to SM for letting us write fanfic!**_

**A/N - Well folks, here it is FINALLY! Its been a hell of a ride, and I have so greatly appreciated the support of each and every one of you. All the loyal reviewers who have been with me from the beginning as well as the ones I have picked up along the journey. And even YOU...the reader who doesn't review, but keeps coming back, even when it takes me forever to update. Thank you ALL for your continued support and patience.I have thoroughly enjoyed the reviews and PM's and friends made along the way.  
**

**A big thanks to Lillie Cullen my beta,who fixes my boo boo's and does it quickly! **

**And a super big 'you-rock-my-world' to Lea for the unwavering encouragement and constant supply of double coat Tim Tams. And especially for providing me with the inspiration I needed to write. Without you babe, this story wouldn't exist. **

Epilogue

BPOV

"Good Morning Mrs. Masen," the cheerfully familiar face behind the counter greeted me as I approached the reception area. She seemed even more congenial than usual. The small and overwhelmed looking young lady sitting next to her was obviously training. I gathered the extra sincerity was for her benefit.

"Hello Liz", I smiled politely, adding a slight nod and proceeded down the long hallway toward the turn leading to the last room, on the right; the one with the best view. It was the largest room in the building, the most private and the only one to face south toward the majestic Olympic Mountains. It was the best money could buy. The whole facility was the best money could buy. I should know, I had paid for it.

I couldn't resist peeking into some of the rooms as I passed, especially since I knew several of the other residents. I smiled warmly at Mr. Banner as he was pushed down the hall by a young but kind looking boy.

Listening with my immortal ears, I eavesdropped on the chatter of the ladies gathered in the Activities Hall as I passed, all of them engaged in a lively discussion of the latest character developments in their favorite soap opera while shaking out a cup of dice in a leisurely game of Yahtzee.

As I rounded the corner and made my way to the end of the hallway, I stopped at the doorway, taking a moment to listen to the sounds within the room. The rhythmic sound of metal hitting ceramic followed by the telltale slurp and swallow told me it was lunchtime. The smell of the tomato soup used to turn my stomach, but I had become more tolerant about being around human food in the forty years since being reborn.

A few more sips of soup and the crisp sound of biting into a perfectly toasted grilled cheese sandwich, then a shuffle and rattle. He was checking his watch. Considering that he had been senile for nearly 5 years, and couldn't remember if he had eaten lunch, or the fact that he had already fed his pet cat twice that day, it was quite impressive that he never forgot my visit. He knew when to look for me. And knew I would always come.

I peeked around the corner. "Hello Charlie, looking for me?"

His face lit up immediately; the twinkle in his deep brown eyes apparent even under the tufts of silver grey hair he didn't want to have cut. His slow and deliberate chewing became more vigorous in an attempt to clear his mouth; the motion exaggerated enough to shift his wheelchair slightly with each bite, eliciting a soft squeak only audible to my ears.

"Slow down and chew your food properly mister," I chided wiggling my finger playfully as I crossed the room, stopping in front of the set of shelves next to the window, "I'll still be here when you swallow."

He grinned and raised a playfully challenging eyebrow, but slowed his chewing. He watched me intently as I opened my handbag and reached in, pulling out the newest addition to the collection on the shelf.

As I set the small figure in an empty space next to the others, all from different places, my ears tuned in to the conversation happening at the reception desk half a building away.

"Is that _her_?" the new girl asked Liz, her chair creaking as she leaned closer.

"Yep," Liz confirmed, "she comes in the same time every week."

"How are they related?" She cautiously pressed further, not sure if she was now being too nosey. Liz didn't disappoint though, dishing further details without so much as batting an eye.

"I'm not totally sure...she has never really said that I know of. I think she is his great niece or something like that. Either way she is the only family he has left. And he is so happy when she comes. You know…" Liz's chair creaked as she now leaned closer to the huddle and lowered her voice. "He thinks that she is his daughter. The one that…died."

To him, I was Bella. As he'd aged, his mind had slipped away, bit by bit gradually losing the parts that made him the seasoned and wrinkled man he was today, and taking him back to a different time. A happy time. A time when his daughter was still alive. In his mind he was still a middle aged man and Bush Jr. was still President.

Charlie swallowed enthusiastically and grinned widely. "Isabella! You came."

"Of course I came," I smiled warmly as I crossed the room and leaned down to hug the man who was my last remaining biological family. He felt thinner, and I knew his time left was limited. The cancer would take him before his mind would have the chance to slip much further. That would be a blessing. I took some measure of comfort knowing he would leave this world happy, never having to remember the tragic night that tore his world apart or the year of depression that followed.

He eventually found some light in life again, spending many good years with Sue Clearwater after her husband's death. They never married but were happy together, somehow finding solace in their shared grief. Sue died just a few years ago, after Charlie had already forgotten who she was. Again, somewhat of a blessing for him. I know those few years were hard for Sue, but I couldn't help wanting Charlie to be spared any hurt possible after seeing how my loss affected him. He didn't deserve to suffer any more.

"And what did you bring me?" he asked, squinting to see the newest addition to the shelf of various statues and trinkets gathered there. I always brought him a little something back from each new place I visited. I knew he would forget where the collection had come from as soon as I left, but I also knew he enjoyed looking at the items, and would sometimes even take them down, turning them each over in his aged hands and smiling as he examined the fine details in the statues.

I gripped the handles of his wheelchair and pushed him over the bookshelf and picked up the tiny replica of the Alamo. "I was in Texas this week," I told him, setting the solid piece of ceramic into his hands.

He scrutinized the object for a moment, his eyes scrunching up before widening. A broad smile flashed as he looked up to me. "Remember the Alamo!" He exclaimed, waving his fist triumphantly into the air.

Edward and I travelled often, but I always made sure to be in Port Angeles every Wednesday at 1pm sharp. We were currently living in the little house in the woods we had affectionately named "Granny's House." Although we missed the rest of the family, we planned to join them after Charlie passed. But for now, this was where I needed to be. I knew his passing would be soon, but not exactly when. Alice's vision wasn't clear yet, apparently a decision made by an orderly was still in limbo. Either outcome looked peaceful for him, so I wasn't bothered by the uncertainty. When the time came, I would be here with him. that I knew for sure. I would be by his side to send him into an afterlife I wasn't completely sure I would be welcomed into when my time came. I could hope though. I lived my life as honestly as possible and continued to make amends for the indiscretion of taking a human life that I still thought about every day. Ronald's grandchildren had all made use of their anonymous trust funds to attend college and make a good life for themselves, one of them even donating large sums of money to local charitable organizations. It made me feel good to know I had helped that struggling family turn things around in some way, maybe given them opportunities they may not have otherwise had. Something positive had come out of my weakness.

When he was finished studying the details of the Alamo, he handed it back to me and watched as I returned it to its place on shelf, right between the miniature Statue of Liberty and the bottle of sand from Normandy Beach.

I laid my hand on his shoulder and stooped beside him. "Would you like to go back and finish your lunch?" I asked, but before I had finished my sentence he was already shaking his head.

"Nope, I don't need anymore of that," he said with a dismissive wave of the hand. "Let's just sit by the window for a while."

"You got it," I chuckled as I pushed his wheelchair to our spot in front of the huge picture window. I pulled up my usual chair and sat down next to him.

We sat there together just as we did every week. We talked some, about everything and nothing. He told me stories about my childhood, not remembering he had already told me the same stories the week before. And the week before that. It didn't matter though; I relished those pieces of his recollection. I never got tired of hearing them.

After a while, and right on schedule, Charlie's eyes grew heavy and the pauses between his thoughts stretched. I peeked at my watch. It was time to go. Charlie wasn't the only person I came here to see.

"Time for a nap?" I asked, as his head began lolling to the side. He nodded and smiled as I stood, wheeling his chair over to his bed. He wouldn't accept help if he could avoid it, so I just stood and watched as he pulled himself slowly out of the chair and climbed onto the bed, settling on his side curled around a pillow. Almost immediately his face softened into a peaceful expression. I leaned down, kissing him softly on the cheek.

"See you next week, Dad," I whispered and he sighed.

"Love you, Bells. Be safe out there," he murmured. I chuckled softly to myself. Once a dad, always a dad.

"Love you too," I responded before pulling the blanket up around his shoulders and sliding quietly out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I stood in the hallway just a few paces from his room, listening, and after just a moment heard the sound I was waiting for. The rhythmic thumping started in the lobby and was moving toward me, the sound was sharper this week, and the subtle chirping of patent leather suggested a new pair of shoes. She was growing up so quickly. Her giggle rang through the quiet hallway.

"Hurry up, Grammy! Great Gran's cookies are getting cold!" A tiny voice proclaimed, full of all the sass and self-possessed poise of a precocious four year old. Her grammy was still at the reception desk, chatting with Liz. The source of the angelical voice came skipping into view, curls bouncing playfully around her heart shaped ivory face. Bright and sparkling brown eyes met mine.

"Hello," she said, flashing a smile of perfect white teeth that had not yet started falling out. "I'm bringing cookies to my great-gran." She held up the basket to show me.

"Well, hello there." I knelt down before her, meeting her gaze with a friendly smile before peeking into the basket. "Ooo..Oatmeal Raisin, those are good ones! Did you make them yourself?"

She granted me another show of her infectious smile and nodded proudly. "Uh huh, my grammy helped, but I did all the mixing and scooping. She really just measured 'cause I get all c'fused at the numbers on the cups."

The conversation at the reception desk wrapped up and the clicking sound of the woman's shoes began moving toward us.

"She is going to love those cookies," I assured her, but it wasn't necessary. Her grammy loved everything little Mary brought to her. "You should get them in to her before they get cold."

Her eyes lit up again as she hurriedly recovered the cookies and resumed skipping down the hallway. Her little hand reached behind her, waving, as I watched her back retreat. "Bye!" she called back over her slender shoulder.

As the sound of footsteps approached from behind, I quickly turned, pretending to drink from the water fountain installed in the wall. As the woman passed I inhaled deeply, the familiar scent swirling around me, bringing me both regret and a deep satisfaction. Once the woman had passed, I turned to watch her travel the rest of the distance of the hallway.

She looked good; healthy and…happy. The years had been kind to my best human friend. Angela had certainly had a fulfilling life. She and Ben had married shortly after high school, and attended college together. They had four children, naming their first born and only daughter Isabella. I was outside the hospital the night Isabella was born, sharing Angela's joy from afar. I may not have been able to hug her and gaze sweetly into her new baby's eyes as I told her how beautiful her daughter was, but I know she felt my presence. I was sure of it. And on the night Bella gave birth to Mary in the very same hospital, I was in the waiting room.

I watched until her form disappeared around the next corner, and I heard her voice join the other two, already busy chatting in the room she entered.

I smiled to myself as I turned, and slowly made my way down the long hallway toward the front doors. I knew that these moments with my remaining humans were not going to last forever, but I took such pleasure in watching them and being a part of their lives while I could.

As I stepped out into the bright sunshine, I was careful to pull my hood up and slide my hands into my pockets before making my way across the parking lot to the sleek black car waiting for me. Edward sat in the driver seat smiling and revving the engine playfully. As I opened the door and slid into the leather seat next to him, he nodded toward the building, shaking his head.

"Mary is getting so tall!" he proclaimed. "What do you suppose they are feeding her, Miracle Gro?"

I chuckled and shrugged before leaning across the seat for the kiss I knew was waiting for me. As my mate leaned closer, pressing his lips to mine, the familiar current coursed through my veins, warming my body from the inside out.

"You ready, my love?" he asked when our lips parted.

"Let's go," I nodded.

As Edward put the car in gear and pressed the accelerator, I took another look at Charlie's window. I truly enjoyed the way my circumstances allowed me to still be a part of my human's lives, to interact with them at times and take care of them in anonymous ways that would enrich their lives. I treasured them and their human moments in a way I never would have been able to appreciate as a human.

It may not have been my choice that brought me to the place I was, but as I thought of how at ease I felt in my life, and how much love I felt for my mate sitting next to me, I knew that it very well would have been. And that the consequences of that choice, regardless of which of us made it, would have been very much the same and weren't all negative.

I reached across, taking Edward's hand in mine and twining our fingers together. His eyes met mine, golden orbs of warmth and adoration. He brought my hand to his mouth, kissing it softly before letting them fall, coming to rest on his lap.

He was my everything. My lover. My soul mate. My choice and my consequence. And there was no place I would rather spend eternity than by his side.

Fin


End file.
